No, I'm not emo. Though, that praise did pop into my head today while I was on the bus, on the way to school.
I've been feeling that I've been slacking off and is apparent in my work. My 3D modeling scene is hardly anything I would admit of being proud of, however I'm going to set aside some time to revamp every thing and hopefully be more satisfy with my work. After all my work is my life and my life is my work, or something like that. I do treat everything I create as if it were my own child, that also means that they get treated pretty bastardly if I dislike it. *sigh* I think I placed too much on my platter at the moment, though I feel like dropping the part of my social self and become a reclusive workaholic (welcome back high school), though, I find myself only to be happier with myself when someone knows more about me, a bit conceited I know.
I really don't know what else to write about, but I guess this is some way of jotting down thoughts of stuff that I find really irritating to find rebounding in my head.
I feel strange that I do leave a good impression with others, that I am able to make someone's day with my presence around. I never knew I was such a person, and I always see myself as someone that has troubles expressing myself. Though, it was nice to see a friend today asking when am I going to graduate, and my presence will be missed, haha. I find it strange and reassuring.
Speaking of graduation, the thought of grad school has been popping up here and there, and I don't know how I should digest these thoughts. I told myself I'll give myself a one year grace period before doing anything, I still feel I haven't mature as an individual at all and I see grad school as this super adult life style. Hopefully, as time goes by I can put these thoughts together. Where would I go to grad school? Freshmen year I thought to myself, maybe SCAD, but as time went on I've grown attached to UIC, I don't know what's so special about it, but I feel like I'm a person that's easily grown attached to things. Though is a good trait, I think it also gives everything I have an emotional weight and that could be a good or bad thing.
-David M.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
If the World Could Stop a Moment...
I would like to take a breather. A simple sigh would suffix, but I don't know what to take in at the moment. Things are definitely happening on all ends of the spectrum, but I digress, I don't know how to take it all in. With that said, let me paint a little picture for whomever stumbles upon this little den.
Lets start on the academia. Major wise I think I'm doing really good (no need to mope around here). I feel like I'm really demonstrating my potential and my greatest abilities in front of my professors, maybe not 3D modeling because I'm so drained at the end of the day, I find it almost impossible to stay awake in the room, but maybe is because the lights are always or the voice of my professor, though she is a great professor she is definitely not the most engaging one. Though, I wasn't expecting much out of my other EV class, I find the class to be almost therapeutic and a bit straining to my cranium, but nonetheless I find real time cooperation and problem solving to utilize my brain and to keep me engage.
Rolling over to my photo class, I think I'm on a see-saw on this one, I definitely do not know where I stand, though Craig is definitely one of the most interesting teachers I've had in a while, I don't know where I stand in that class, I could ask, but I don't know. The subjectivity of art has always been my greatest downfall because, is...well, really dam subjective, the ability to explore is great and all, but to be shot down completely through experimentation and to be graded on it is a really harsh concept, and the concept of the "hyper-real" does not really help me focus much either. Still an interesting class, but I really want to pull my weight in this class, and not seem like the BSing art student that I come to loathe freshmen year.
Though, I'm being utterly defeated in Music Theory, I think I'm finding my handle on the subject and I'm definitely trying to climb to the time. I should ask the professor where I stand in that class however. History of Design is well...moving on.
Now if you're still reading by now, I commend you. You're about to dive into a little bit of my personal life, whoa! Anyways, I always felt estranged to my family, I've never find myself to love my parents, but don't get the wrong message. I highly respect them for all they have done for me, and by all means I will stick with them till the end. Though sometimes I find my role in this family as nothing more than functional. Not so much within the family, but within the extended family. I do not see myself 3 years being around to fill out every application and translating every letter for them. They have other family members as young as me and as capable, but they still come to me. However, I have no issues talking and spending time with family members, but I find my extended family to be extremely shallow, though I did try to connect with them enthusiastically before, they never really did seem ecstatic about my efforts, but I'm still the person they talk to when anything relating to their personal well being comes into questions and lately I've just grown tired of it. Though, my immediate family I find that my parents have become more supportive of me lately, though they still have their own vices I feel like I'm at least providing some satisfaction in their life, and I guess it makes it all worth while.
Turns out one of my long time friend has been in the hospital for 2 weeks with pancreatitis, and apparently at one point his kidneys failed too. Though, that is the concerning part, the other part is, I haven't seen him on around for the last 2 weeks and I did not alarmed me to be concern at all. Though, there is not much I can do, there is a lot of people I haven't kept in touch with. My best wishes goes out to him.
With all that said, a Cold Winter is approaching I should be brace for it none the less, though all these issues in the end will resolve itself.
-David M.
Lets start on the academia. Major wise I think I'm doing really good (no need to mope around here). I feel like I'm really demonstrating my potential and my greatest abilities in front of my professors, maybe not 3D modeling because I'm so drained at the end of the day, I find it almost impossible to stay awake in the room, but maybe is because the lights are always or the voice of my professor, though she is a great professor she is definitely not the most engaging one. Though, I wasn't expecting much out of my other EV class, I find the class to be almost therapeutic and a bit straining to my cranium, but nonetheless I find real time cooperation and problem solving to utilize my brain and to keep me engage.
Rolling over to my photo class, I think I'm on a see-saw on this one, I definitely do not know where I stand, though Craig is definitely one of the most interesting teachers I've had in a while, I don't know where I stand in that class, I could ask, but I don't know. The subjectivity of art has always been my greatest downfall because, is...well, really dam subjective, the ability to explore is great and all, but to be shot down completely through experimentation and to be graded on it is a really harsh concept, and the concept of the "hyper-real" does not really help me focus much either. Still an interesting class, but I really want to pull my weight in this class, and not seem like the BSing art student that I come to loathe freshmen year.
Though, I'm being utterly defeated in Music Theory, I think I'm finding my handle on the subject and I'm definitely trying to climb to the time. I should ask the professor where I stand in that class however. History of Design is well...moving on.
Now if you're still reading by now, I commend you. You're about to dive into a little bit of my personal life, whoa! Anyways, I always felt estranged to my family, I've never find myself to love my parents, but don't get the wrong message. I highly respect them for all they have done for me, and by all means I will stick with them till the end. Though sometimes I find my role in this family as nothing more than functional. Not so much within the family, but within the extended family. I do not see myself 3 years being around to fill out every application and translating every letter for them. They have other family members as young as me and as capable, but they still come to me. However, I have no issues talking and spending time with family members, but I find my extended family to be extremely shallow, though I did try to connect with them enthusiastically before, they never really did seem ecstatic about my efforts, but I'm still the person they talk to when anything relating to their personal well being comes into questions and lately I've just grown tired of it. Though, my immediate family I find that my parents have become more supportive of me lately, though they still have their own vices I feel like I'm at least providing some satisfaction in their life, and I guess it makes it all worth while.
Turns out one of my long time friend has been in the hospital for 2 weeks with pancreatitis, and apparently at one point his kidneys failed too. Though, that is the concerning part, the other part is, I haven't seen him on around for the last 2 weeks and I did not alarmed me to be concern at all. Though, there is not much I can do, there is a lot of people I haven't kept in touch with. My best wishes goes out to him.
With all that said, a Cold Winter is approaching I should be brace for it none the less, though all these issues in the end will resolve itself.
-David M.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
School on a Saturday
I didn't go to sleep till around 1 a.m. trying to put together to plausible presentation for this interdisciplinary session at school. Things were looking grim to the last hour, but surprisingly it worked out and I'm grateful for all that occurred during the dwindling hours of the evening. Even though I had a little of Murphy's law going on, things were balancing out. Though I went to sleep with probably a sinking feeling of things going wrong.
Come show time or at least prior I hit the snooze several time before I was willing to wake up. Though, I still got there an hour early than I was supposed to. Slowly the meeting room started to fill as my class was still just working outside, this overwhelming feeling of presenting in front of grad students was a bit overwhelming, especially trying to demonstrate that we are "competent" amongst them. Even though I pulled up the wrong pdf for my presentation I believed I faired pretty well after I pulled up the right file, haha. Anyways, it was an interesting session, I thought it would have been a snooze fest, or a very intimidating scenario. However, I found myself being really attentive to other presentation and it just brought up my morale for what's going to happen in the next couple of week for class.
Come show time or at least prior I hit the snooze several time before I was willing to wake up. Though, I still got there an hour early than I was supposed to. Slowly the meeting room started to fill as my class was still just working outside, this overwhelming feeling of presenting in front of grad students was a bit overwhelming, especially trying to demonstrate that we are "competent" amongst them. Even though I pulled up the wrong pdf for my presentation I believed I faired pretty well after I pulled up the right file, haha. Anyways, it was an interesting session, I thought it would have been a snooze fest, or a very intimidating scenario. However, I found myself being really attentive to other presentation and it just brought up my morale for what's going to happen in the next couple of week for class.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Dreaming of Greeting
Had a dream where I was constantly greeting people I already knew. It was weird and at the same time pretty pleasing. It was odd, maybe I'm becoming stranger? Then a phone call from some random person woke me up at 5:00 am. Oh, well.
-David M.
-David M.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
A lot of this and a lot of that...
So lets start on a lighter note before we start using the pencil to create a darker shade (well not that dark). I'll begin with WIRED's Nextfest. I wasn't planning to go in the beginning, but word of Brainball/Mindball got me interested, so, I decided to make it an AAMP outting and invite the lot of freshmen and mentors to join me as we venture to Millenium Park for an eventful evening. Though, I didn't expect us to stay so late, haha, but it was worth it. First we were astound by the material d3o and its practicality that we had to take a picture with the mannequin. d30 is a rubber material that hardens on contact and dissipate the force.
Then shortly after one game of Brainball we decided to check out the Toyota section only to run into a tech demo, and lucky enough most of us had a chance to testdrive the I-Real even though it wasn't anything revolutionary, it was still fun.
Anyways, I won plenty games of Brainball, but my night ended in a single handed defeat, what a downer. All in all the night was a memorable one, and I wished more people would have came to enjoy the exhibit.
Amongst, some discovery I found out that Jay Chou's album is coming out NEXT WEEK! or this WEEK, or to be more accurate, 4 DAYS! Though, it was leaked, I only heard snippets and I'm already liking the song, "Our Promised Happiness" though I don't understand a single word of it, I really feel the emotions within the song, and I can't wait for the translated lyrics to come out along with the album.
However, summarizing the week at its end I found myself given several opportunities to face a situation I really wished to resolve, but in the end I'm still too much of a coward. In no time it'll be a year and I realize I can't really act upon my words, and it just pains me to realize I am able to accomplished several feats these couple semester, but opening my mouth and trying to patch up a situation seems like a mountain of work and I find myself cowering again in my "confidence". Though, this is only a small facade of my daily regiment and my moment of brooding, though I want to able to clarify myself instead of running away from such a situation.
After reading another's blog the writer is doing a critical self-reflection of oneself, I find myself doing this all the time and one thing I always want in such a time is an ear to pour my words into, I hope she would find that ear to pour these thoughts into.
-David M.
Then shortly after one game of Brainball we decided to check out the Toyota section only to run into a tech demo, and lucky enough most of us had a chance to testdrive the I-Real even though it wasn't anything revolutionary, it was still fun.
Anyways, I won plenty games of Brainball, but my night ended in a single handed defeat, what a downer. All in all the night was a memorable one, and I wished more people would have came to enjoy the exhibit.
Amongst, some discovery I found out that Jay Chou's album is coming out NEXT WEEK! or this WEEK, or to be more accurate, 4 DAYS! Though, it was leaked, I only heard snippets and I'm already liking the song, "Our Promised Happiness" though I don't understand a single word of it, I really feel the emotions within the song, and I can't wait for the translated lyrics to come out along with the album.
However, summarizing the week at its end I found myself given several opportunities to face a situation I really wished to resolve, but in the end I'm still too much of a coward. In no time it'll be a year and I realize I can't really act upon my words, and it just pains me to realize I am able to accomplished several feats these couple semester, but opening my mouth and trying to patch up a situation seems like a mountain of work and I find myself cowering again in my "confidence". Though, this is only a small facade of my daily regiment and my moment of brooding, though I want to able to clarify myself instead of running away from such a situation.
After reading another's blog the writer is doing a critical self-reflection of oneself, I find myself doing this all the time and one thing I always want in such a time is an ear to pour my words into, I hope she would find that ear to pour these thoughts into.
-David M.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
And it Rained...
Woke up a bit of an optimistic today as I head out the door, it seem like it'll be an interesting day. (For the record it was) Though, my morning class was canceled today, I still left at my normal time, for some other tasks at hand. Also, to spend some time in the digital lab doing some prints for quality control. As I was in AARCC I dwindled around to kill some time for the clock to strike 11, but roughly I received an email from my photo teacher that class was canceled cause he too, was struck with illness and I was stranded with time on campus; my next class wouldn't start till 4.
So, how did I spend my wondrous afternoon? In the digital photo lab, doing prints. I find myself doubting my choice of colors in that class, but I guess I need to bite the bullet if I try to prove myself, so, lets hope that crit goes well on Thursday. Though, as productive as I can be I was still left with some odd hours at hand, which I just wasted the rest like any hours. I realized I never have the energy to stay awake in my 4 O'clock class, which is sad I guess, but the professor never complains cause she knows I have a good handle on the material.
As much as I love rain, and as much as I hate the rain when I commute I was able to find some middle ground with it today. The light drizzle that etches the surrounding makes the rain seem more tranquil, but it could have been less windy.
-David M.
So, how did I spend my wondrous afternoon? In the digital photo lab, doing prints. I find myself doubting my choice of colors in that class, but I guess I need to bite the bullet if I try to prove myself, so, lets hope that crit goes well on Thursday. Though, as productive as I can be I was still left with some odd hours at hand, which I just wasted the rest like any hours. I realized I never have the energy to stay awake in my 4 O'clock class, which is sad I guess, but the professor never complains cause she knows I have a good handle on the material.
As much as I love rain, and as much as I hate the rain when I commute I was able to find some middle ground with it today. The light drizzle that etches the surrounding makes the rain seem more tranquil, but it could have been less windy.
-David M.
Monday, October 6, 2008
A Girl Shouldn't Smoke
A Girl Shouldn’t Smoke
She places the filter between her lips.
A flicker of the lighter and she inhale.
It creeps to back and moves its back to the front.
Out comes the smoke; clouding her in sophistication.
The accumulation of stress causes her to be the mistress,
Where on occasions she takes a step out, and tries to ingest a moment of relaxation.
Clouded fatigue and dull grey eyes,
Life could only be harmonized for a short five minutes.
Pressing her lips to kiss distress, like a moment of intimacy seen on the screen.
They’re lovers, but she’s slowly taking the life out of him.
Their lips part, and she holds puts the light aside between two fingers with much vanity.
Only to flick off the excess ashes, to lighten her load.
Glancing from the side of my eyes,
Curiosity is best describe, why I can’t look away,
Yet without a word to say.
Slowly peaking into intimacy as the smoke caress her.
Though my eyes could not look away, I was not impressed.
As the smoke confine her fine lines, clouded scars, and hid reality.
She stares at the haze like an old friend,
And slowly watches them depart; never to been seen again.
She takes the last drag, the ashes memorialized itself.
Flicking the filter aside, she steps back in, only to come back again.
She places the filter between her lips.
A flicker of the lighter and she inhale.
It creeps to back and moves its back to the front.
Out comes the smoke; clouding her in sophistication.
The accumulation of stress causes her to be the mistress,
Where on occasions she takes a step out, and tries to ingest a moment of relaxation.
Clouded fatigue and dull grey eyes,
Life could only be harmonized for a short five minutes.
Pressing her lips to kiss distress, like a moment of intimacy seen on the screen.
They’re lovers, but she’s slowly taking the life out of him.
Their lips part, and she holds puts the light aside between two fingers with much vanity.
Only to flick off the excess ashes, to lighten her load.
Glancing from the side of my eyes,
Curiosity is best describe, why I can’t look away,
Yet without a word to say.
Slowly peaking into intimacy as the smoke caress her.
Though my eyes could not look away, I was not impressed.
As the smoke confine her fine lines, clouded scars, and hid reality.
She stares at the haze like an old friend,
And slowly watches them depart; never to been seen again.
She takes the last drag, the ashes memorialized itself.
Flicking the filter aside, she steps back in, only to come back again.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
More Reflections than a Broken Mirror
In this little social realm I like to call college, I have met impeding challenges and so far I have been able to face each encounter with satisfactory results (Asian satisfactory results I mind you). Though, I can't help but feel anxious whenever a new challenge arises, could it be that this obstacle will be the one to snuff me out, and down for the count? or is this some sadistic torture I like to put myself through in order to stay focus. This past week I've stayed on campus till 10pm on Tuesday and 7 the following day, and I end at 7 on Thursday, and after all that I find myself in front of my desk slaving away? Though it turned out the midterm wasn't so bad, at least I hope I didn't do bad. However, those were not the only hurdles I had to put myself through this week, though lets say that was the bulk.
This week, will prove to be another funtastic adventure, though I got most of the obstacles out of the way, I still have a lot of things to go through this week, but it seems more feasible now (maybe cause I spent my whole weekend on it, and nothing else.) Though hopefully, I figure out this EV assignment by tomorrow and I'll be a happy camper.
I find it funny how I always complain about school life when is never that bad, at least I can get through it. However, I find myself conflicted with myself. I've been told I'm not a bad person, but why do I keep thinking I'm a bad person? This social cues have been playing in my head and I never seem to act upon them because I always come back to the same conclusion, I'm awkward, but when I tell people this, they think I'm too critical of myself because I'm really not that "awkward." Then why do I usually find myself conflicting with other's say? Do I have an alter ego or that I just can't see myself in any other light? (For those that are reading, I'm not schizophrenic or depressed) Just sometimes I really don't know what kind of person I am, and what I am doing is really benefiting the people around me or hurting them.
I don't know why I think these things, but for some reason I think I'm going to end up like one of those workaholic type of guys that will live a relatively successful hermit life. Also, on a lighter note I'm starting to write again, and hopefully start putting together, some beautiful mental images for people to read soon.
-David M.
This week, will prove to be another funtastic adventure, though I got most of the obstacles out of the way, I still have a lot of things to go through this week, but it seems more feasible now (maybe cause I spent my whole weekend on it, and nothing else.) Though hopefully, I figure out this EV assignment by tomorrow and I'll be a happy camper.
I find it funny how I always complain about school life when is never that bad, at least I can get through it. However, I find myself conflicted with myself. I've been told I'm not a bad person, but why do I keep thinking I'm a bad person? This social cues have been playing in my head and I never seem to act upon them because I always come back to the same conclusion, I'm awkward, but when I tell people this, they think I'm too critical of myself because I'm really not that "awkward." Then why do I usually find myself conflicting with other's say? Do I have an alter ego or that I just can't see myself in any other light? (For those that are reading, I'm not schizophrenic or depressed) Just sometimes I really don't know what kind of person I am, and what I am doing is really benefiting the people around me or hurting them.
I don't know why I think these things, but for some reason I think I'm going to end up like one of those workaholic type of guys that will live a relatively successful hermit life. Also, on a lighter note I'm starting to write again, and hopefully start putting together, some beautiful mental images for people to read soon.
-David M.
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