Wednesday, November 26, 2008

808s and Heartbreak, A Long Winter

808s and Heartbreak is the epitome of what it means to be heartbroken. Kanye West has definitely painted a perfect portrait of jealously, loss, loneliness, and a sense of maturity in his career. Though, others might not appreciate the sentimental values put into the album, I personally think this album really allows listener to peer into the artist's life, which I always appreciate learning something new about an artist that I like.

Five more days of school left and I feel a whole variety of emotions. Anxiety, happiness, curiosity, nervousness, and others that I can't describe. Though, I feel like I can come to a resolution to a current situation I still feel like it can't be easily accomplished, I think my cowardice gets the better of me in these situations. I wonder if I can put a close to this chapter in my school career, but I'm still hesitant and scared, though I feel like is always now or never and it always end up being never =/. The lingering is only amplified by the fact winter break is around the corner. So many things, are going to be different in a semester, in a couple years. I wonder how will things fall into place? how will I fall back into people's life. This could be a long winter in where I can think about it.

-David M.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Looking Up is the Thing to do

Just when you are at rock bottom (academically speaking), you realize you are only drowning on the shallow end of the pool. I just realize how that sentence can lead to something completely negative, but is pretty a positive post (something not so common on here, haha).

Let's start off the day at Music Theory, scored my second A on a quiz, and realize an A is still doable in the class, just need to score at least an 72 on the last quiz and I'm good, and there is one less B to worry about (yes, I know is very Asian of me to think of that). Moving on to Photo, seems like the instructor think I deserve an A if I keep up the good work, which I have ponder since every single critique, even though he personally admit he just made an ass about himself when he said I had an attendance issue, though I corrected him that I have yet to miss a day. Finishing the critiques and dreading an upcoming or so I thought Thursday crit. with the professor realizing how absurd and demanding thing to do. Turns out is pushed back to Tuesday and it does not need to be dropped into the farm. Even though, I spent the last three days diligently working, I'm glad I have some breathing room, but I think it will help with me just working on it instead of thinking I have the time to do it, and just think I have less. All in all today was a good day of discovery.

To touch lightly on a personal issue, I'm relieved I can still have a conversation with someone that I thought I completely rubbed the wrong way over a year ago. Even though, it was not a one on one conversation it was still a casual one. Even though I stayed like an extra hour in the AA building, I find it refreshing. I've gain back a small piece of my confidence. Also, I'm flattered that someone mentioned me as a lady killer (after I found out the actual meaning), even though I know is just a joke, I'm still flattered.

-David M.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Right Things

Today, I've done a good samaritan duty, it's been a while though. However, I think I should have acted upon it more quickly, though I was conflicted with my own personal agenda at first as it was more urgent (breakfast did not settle too well), as I was walking into the student center, I noticed someone's wallet was laying in front of one of the ATMs, and I noticed the wallet was opened. I told myself in my head that if the wallet is still there on the way out, I'll drop it off in the lost and found. Beside stepping out of my lecture class just to clear my system, I felt strapped on time, and me being less physically stressed was priority. As I was coming back down, I walked along the ATM room, to see a guy come out of the room with some cash in hand and as I walk pass the room to see the wallet closed. I don't want to point fingers, but I think most people would do the obvious, though without a second thought, I picked the wallet up and handed it to the lost and found, thought in the back of my head it was probably too late. The best I can hope for is that the guy's ID and credit cards are still in tact.

Which, brought upon the subject in my head, is there such a thing as good intentions gone bad. The answer is yes, I've felt guilty for doing things I thought was the right thing to do. Does that make any sense? In theory, it shouldn't...right things, should yield correct results, but in reality in doesn't work that way. Though, I've always believed that math and science can be the only truth in this world, and that it can be universal, in which anyone can agree upon, it isn't. Math doesn't always have a definite answer and science sure as hell is never right. Just a personal reflection on current and past events. When one demonstrates that they care, only to be told that is not something that they care for. Actually, trying to become a friend to someone only to give off the wrong impression. Not only does this affect me, but I'm sure many can relate to this topic. These reverse results creates cynicism amongst ourselves, and creates the notation of, "there is always an agenda for people to be nice." Not necessarily, but we can't help but think like that. I'll keep continuing being who I am regardless, but at the same time I still feel some guilt in past efforts, and I've always feel there is a need to resolve issues, even though the other party frankly just don't care.

-David M.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Burnt Out

Been pumping the old steam engine non-stop for the last 3 days. I haven't gotten adequate amount of sleep, and I'm not too happy with my work. I really hope in the last four weeks I can polish up my work by a lot. Anyways, time is dwindling and it seems like nothing, but a mad scramble from here. Not going to talk too much, but I thought it'll be nice to leave a little note here.

-David M.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Strange, but Sane

No, the title has no relevance to the subject of the post. I just find it to be a nice way to keep track of my one liners of the week that I come up with. Though, I write them in my moleskine I hardly look at after the notes have been taken. Let's get onto the issues.

I guess I'm not a conformist because I'll like to congratulate the President Elect Barack Obama on a job well done, 5 days after his victory (truth is I was too lazy to fill in the blanks between Tuesday and now). Is great Obama is in office, and what's even greater is a Democratic party in government now. Lets hope the gears of change is in motion. Not to sound like I'm full of cynicism (which I'm usually am), I don't think people should put all their hopes and admiration into one playing card, that being Obama, cause the cause for change is not in Obama, it is in us, the people. Given the recent observation of some people, I think some people fail to realize to grasp this concept. I hope for the best when he is in office, but what I hope for most is that people will start to change, in order for change if that makes any sense.

Also, a thought that ran through my mind this week is, what will happen to Chicago? As much as I try to avoid using this explanation to describe Obama, but he has celebrity status. So, what does this mean? Is Chicago hip now? I mean we've always been recognize as a great city, but not THE city. I mean lately a lot of great things has come out of Chicago, and Chicago is home to some of the more popular entertainers in the country right now, from Kanye West to Barack Obama. I really want to see Chicago become a driving force in America, to become a city where people want to be, but also not become a soulless douche city (*cough*, LA *cough*).

Speaking of Hip-Hop, Lupe Fiasco's announcement of LUPE.N.D was announced to be triple CD, so, I'm hyped about that. Also, 808s and Heartbreak is just a couple weeks away, so, something to look forward to.

Well, here comes the part you've all been waiting for, me! Nothing much seems to be going on at the moment besides school work, and I love how conveniently I worked my schedule to slide in more work to my regiment. Just shows you guys how much I love school, if only she was a smoking hot mistress I wouldn't mind. Though, in reality is probably been a very long relationship that I find pointless in bailing now, as I'll probably never find another lover anytime soon (that is the best analogy I can come up with, now if I only can find a way to slide in 'sitting on the couch with a can of beans', I might become a writer). So, the days are dwindling and it seems unreal. Anyways, if I'm not doing anything, I'm probably doing work and if I'm not working, I'm probably going through a serious guilt trip of not doing any work.

Seems, my friend has been getting well, though some habits hasn't change much I think he's slowly getting there. Despite it only being back for a week is still up to him to stay on track, and I hope he does. The last couple weeks just made me realize I should stay in touch with people more, though, I've always find the phone to be the most annoying tool ever and I always have this very awkward feeling talking into a piece of plastic. I've always been more comfortable talking face to face, and if I only had to the time to see people face to face more often. Which, I'm finding I have less and less time doing. I wonder when will I don't even have the time to see myself in the mirror, though I think I still have the time, I'm reflecting in this blog now, am I not? Though, there is probably a bajillion things I can write about, I won't. This is an adequate amount to unload at the time being, and looking at the time I should be sleeping, then slave to the desk for about another 8 hours. Oh, my mistress (homework), how I love you so, yet you show me such disdain by giving me paper cuts (I work with computers!).

-David M.

Monday, November 3, 2008

A 6 Pack of Work-a-hol and an Blank Notepad

Though, I thought I figured out a work schedule that could work in theory. I find myself crashing really hard after exerting myself x amount. I guess the reference of work-a-hol might be a bad metaphor or right now is just me hung over. I guess a better example would be crashing after a sugar rush. Regardless, I feel a bit weary, and my mind is all over the place. Regardless, I'm going to stick to the plan and get this over with. This ordeal is only going to last another 5 weeks and at most 6. Though, I didn't know why I was rushing when I find out assignment is actually due next week, I found it out to have 2 assignments back to back, or maybe anxiety on tomorrow's crit. I really don't know, I just want it out of the way right now.

I'm glad my friend is finally out of the hospital, but though the ordeal is probably not over for him yet. He still has a long way to fight, given that now he has to take shots for his blood sugar level. He does realize he has to change his lifestyle, which is a good thing; I hope he sticks to it by any means necessary. I hope I can find sometime to help him along in this process. Though, I do not understand sometimes why I do the things I do, is it all in good conscious? or do I do these things to reap the glory of being a good guy. I personally think is the first choice, but sometimes I feel like I'm putting on a facade in front of others because they hardly think of doing things without a reward. Lately, I've been meeting people or at least get to know people a lot better and realize that they too have similar characteristics, perhaps I've always been in the wrong crowd. Though, sometimes I think this "niceness" transposes itself in a way that makes people uncomfortable, though I do realize it when I think I cross the line. However, I never find solutions to these situations. I usually just walk away, and it feels kind of cowardly of me, and is a characteristic I need to work on. Especially, during a talk I attended this evening, I should put myself outside my comfort zone and maybe I should get beaten and bruised a little, before I learn how to fix this issue. Though, I usually back away when I since tension, I should probably learn to step beyond this boundary.

Lots of things are crossing my mind lately and my brain is having a hard time digesting all of this. It'll be nice if I can break it down and flush it down the toilet after I absorb the nutrients of this clutter.

Also, don't forget to vote tomorrow.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Let's keep the beat on, till the end.

I think I got a working schedule going, so, that's nice. I spent close to 5 hours in the digital photo lab getting work done, which is a plus. Though it was like an oven in there. I think tomorrow is going to be a productive forecast as well, hopefully. I hope I can maintain this type of focused energy till the end of the semester. Things are looking up, but I must also keep my eyes down in order to see what's in front.