Jury Duty

Today was my first instance of performing civil duty; it sucked. After watching the "How to be a Juror" video, it was already 10. All I did with my free time was reading Free Culture, I must admit it's probably the first scholarly book I read. I went through half the book in the assembly room. 11:15, nothing happened. They told us we can get lunch, the canteen was on the first lower level, and all that was, was some over price vending machines.

After returning, I notice the guard sorting checks, I assume we can go; it's too good to be true isn't it? Shortly after the announcement from the receptionist telling use that the only case of today was canceled and were free to go after receiving our checks. My first time a juror, nothing happened. I was kind of happy and disappointed at the same time. I've been too dam busy to worry about jury duty, and I would have been happier painting oppose to sitting in on a trial. Though, I've always been optimistic of my first instance of civil duty, guess they just clashed at the wrong point.

-David M.

Mr. Abdullah

As I logged on to facebook yesterday, I found out some bad news. Not heart-wrenching, but still a melancholic reality. Mr. Abdullah has passed, I heard earlier in the month he was diagnose with cancer; which kind I don't know. Former students wanted to set a fund in his honor, or at least wanted to donate to his behalf. I never quite follow the pursuits of that. What struck me the most was his age, he was probably no older or younger than my dad.

Though, Mr. Abdullah might not have been the greatest teacher, I can't say I learn much in terms of academics, particularly social sciences from him. He was still a man that spurred many questions, though as cliche as that could sound, he got me thinking. I often questioned his credentials as a teacher, he was still loved by the student body.

I still remember my freshmen year, when KCP was still an experiment (I guess it still is). I had him first period, and one of the first few to refer to me as Mr. Mei; don't know why I commended much respect. In other words, news of this has struck me quite oddly. I was hoping for him to teach till he was old and senile (a word I learned from him.)

This month has involved a lot of giving and taking. I find it how things crash with each other so often, coincidentally. I guess that's how life works, one day your up, next day your down. (I wonder what song was that from?)

-David M.

It's Been A While

I think this week has been a week that tested my work ethics to its limit. Luckily, I can say I passed. Though, is not time for any R&R this week either. Seems like things are just stipulating to a higher point. This is going to be interesting cause all I see myself doing from now and the last week of school is sitting in front of a monitor and sitting in the paint studio. I'm probably not going to be anywhere in between, so, often or frequent. I guess this is what 18 hours can do to you.

This following week I might even be juror depending on if I'm called upon or not, but as of now I'm a stand-by juror (isn't that exciting?). Kind of sucks that I might possibly have to do jury duty in a pretty hectic point in my life, what can I say? Life is only interesting when you're on your toes.

Though, I probably haven't talked about it in a while and reason being is I haven't seen my grandfather for about 2 weeks now. Currently, he's in a nursing home. My grandma visits him everyday. Though, I doubt he's going anywhere soon, my mom's side of the family is completely on edge. Though, they probably don't know any better either. Still the whole politics of it is just strange for lack of a better word. I find it odd that they finally decide to act like adults when someone is dying, yet they still seem a bit childish to me. Maybe I'm just being cynical or just uncaring about this entire matter, but there isn't anything to worry about, yet.

-David M.

Huh? What's Going On?

I've always gone on working binges here and there, and is never a real problem. They usually last 3 days at most. This is officially the longest I've spent on a work binge (meaning I spend more than 5 hours outside of class focusing on school work). You would think working on school work would keep you focus, but I think my train of thought has derailed. I'm sitting on the bus thinking about dots and lines, and how to connect them and make them interesting, or should I have went with a triangle instead? a quad perhaps? do I know how to use the polygon script? Er!

I just spent my whole evening rigging a skeleton for a character, and it works about 90% right, at least it is a global model, so, it has it's benefits.

All in all I'm losing track of time, date, words, and information. My phone connection is messed up at home, and I can careless about that at the moment. I think I'm distraught, off topic. Though, I can't really relax till Friday, I was planning to finish my work by today, but that didn't happened.

The only benefit of being on a work binge is I fall asleep a lot easier.

-David M.

Mo-Cap

Today, was a rather interesting thing. I was going to talk to my professor as I saw him outside of the hall, and got blind-sided by my other professor. Though, it wasn't a bad thing at all. Apparently, there is a work-study position for undergrad student to work in the B.A.T. Cave in other words the Mo-Cap studio, I was ecstatic, though I couldn't give her an answer right away. I was thinking about circumstances that I'm in right now, and if I really have the time? Though, I'm thinking I'm going to take it after much thought, not a lot of people use the mo-cap area till probably the end of the semester, and it gives me a nice quite place to work at, and is probably going to be an awesome work experience. Why not? Hopefully, nothing too drastic happens.

A Strange Thought

Last night before I fell asleep I had the strangest thought. What if I was just a florist that sold flowers on the street? (I do not know why that thought occurred). So, I'm a traveling florist selling withered flowers, while wearing a straw hat and a lit cigarette on a metal ashtray as it was a piece of incense. I would stand under a shady area as people walked by bewildered as to why I'm even there. I don't know it was a strange thought. I think I might try to make something more of this premise.

-David M.

21

Yes, I stepped on a huge milestone without much effort besides, eating and sleeping to get to where I am today. Is my birthday, and as I was told the day prior; I shouldn't be mopey, and so no mopey post today.

As far as 21st birthdays go, mine was pretty sober; not like I was planning to get shit faced today anyways. Though, today a lot of good sentiments were felt, and for that I'm truly happy about; though I didn't received any brownies today which would had been awesome given I was hungry around 11-2.

It was a world shattering birthday given I turned 21, with records high for February 10th.

However, I wouldn't call it my birthday till I listen to my favorite birthday song which is pretty mopey, but I've always make it a point to listen to it every birthday for the last 4 years.

Without further adieu, Jay Chou's cover of "Wish Me a Happy Birthday",



Lyrics
I know being sad cannot change anything
So
Let me be a bit honest
Honest
And there isn't any uncontrollable lead offs
As long as you close your door
You need not take notice of anyone

Sitting in the empty box in a theatre by myself
Mobile
Let it rest for a night
Difficult
Want to cut off the frame of memories
The tears cannot fall after 12 O'clock

Happy Birthday
I say to myself
The candle is lit
Loneliness is cold
Happy Birthday
The tears have also melted
I have to thank everything you gave and took away
Still love you
With a bit of hatred
Still need time
To balance
The scar of passionate love
The frames are reborn
I have to thank you
Wish me happy birthday

-David M

A New Threshold

Referencing back to the Jørgen Leth piece, the Perfect Human. I think the line the resonated with me the most is the line, "Today, too, I experienced something I hope to understand in a few days." I guess the last couple of days I think I understand this experience just a little bit. Maybe not entirely, but I think I learn to assess this situation a lot better. A lot calmer than the last couple weeks I would say. That's about it. It doesn't seem like is going to change the out cause.

Regardless, the last couple of days I just reflect a lot about my behavior. More or less my temper/emotions. As a kid I use to be temperamental the slightest nuisances would have set me off (this was probably up until age 5). I remember getting into two physical altercation as a kid over something that was probably stupid. Over the course of the last 16 years, I "blew up" probably 3 to 4 times in between. Which, is probably a much different face people are use to seeing. Shortly, afterwards I find these people distant from me. Which, has always led me to find a calmer center and a higher tolerance for things. I just don't ever want to lose my temper in front of other's again, not with the people I know now. I realize is a "human" thing, but sometimes venting isn't always the best venue.

I think the next couple days will be more "normal" if I have to describe it, but more or less right now, I think I have a working formula. Mainly due to the weather.

Sometimes I don't think my post makes much sense, but it makes sense to me.

-David M.

Cranky

Apparently, people say I've been a lot crankier/angrier in my tone of voice lately. I didn't know it was that obvious.

-David M.

Things Break

I've been placing much thoughts on the things that have been happening around me lately. Lately, the things that have been breaking. On Tuesday, the day my grandfather was admitted, the Korean drum attachment Jeungyoung gave me broke on the bus, and I lost all the pieces, I realized that when I entered the AA building. My desktop has been giving in a lot lately this week also. Something, else broke over the weekend, but I can't quite remember at the moment, but it wasn't as big. However, today was the probably the crippler factor, as I plug in my AC adapter, it shorted. Meaning, I can't work on my class work for the next 2-3 days. Luckily I manage to get the work done before hand, but it doesn't help. Is almost a bit poetic/symbolic the way things are going now.

So for the past week I've been debating about a lot of things on my mind. Simply, it's too clutter even for my own liking. As I learned today Asians like hoarding, me personally I don't like to bring garbage in, but I guess I like hoarding crap in my head; mainly a guilty conscious. My mind always takes notes of every little sentence I say, every gesture I do, and points out the negative with such scrutiny I have become shy to these thoughts. Today, I decided to clear up thoughts that have been cluttering my head for the longest time, so, only a few tackling issue will stay a float in my head as it is necessary with what is going on right now. It is a bit nerve racking to have thoughts held back for a long time, and finally decide to face them. Plus, I feel like my character, who I am as an individual is breaking to be blunt about it, and before I even lose touch with that part of myself, I feel like I need to make resolves.

I know, I'm not the one who is dying. Though, I feel like (as narcissistic as this could sound) I play normally play the protagonist in my life; maybe I'm secretly the antagonist and I don't even know it. I feel as of late I've been having very antagonizing thoughts. I don't know...it feels bad, odd, is out of my skin; perhaps it is my true colors. Though, it could be a way of cooping or dealing with what's at hand. Regardless, I don't like how I am feeling at the moment. Yet, at the same time I don't think it'll be easy going back. However, like a protagonist (being a comic geek) most people break only to rebuild themselves to be stronger people, better people; they become the actual protagonist. In my short life of living, I've been broken down at least 3 times (nothing of note, but I fallen down a couple times) and in those moments I managed to become a better person out of those experiences ala the one you all love and know now, ta-da. However, I feel like the events of late has broken me down a lot more than I normally have, and I'm tired of challenges. To be honest, I think I have gotten a lot to look forward to within the last year than I had my entire life, and I'm kind of scared to see in the end of this certain event what will I become out this. Right now, I'm not making much sense, probably wondering what I'm meandering about. I have not gotten crazy yet, though a lot of notable artists and authors had mental breakdowns in their college days; I'm not going to have that, so don't worry.

I'm seeing this as another sequence in which I'm going to grow out of as a different person. Hopefully, a better one.

On the note of antagonizing thoughts, I was never close to my grandparents. I've been recollecting. I known both of my grandparents, my paternal one showed much love to my cousin Eva, she was his favorite and as of now she still trying to grasp that lost and I feel a bit sorry for her. My maternal grandfather however, is a crazy nationalist, and he see us ABCs as nothing, but naive, and ignorant people compare to the Chinese. However, right now his Chinese grandchildren can't do jack shit for him, and I find that to be a strange karma. So, as of now I don't feel anything for him as he lays there probably scared out of his mind. Though, I am terrified at the thought that I can be so careless at the same time. Is it ok not to feel anything about someone that is dying in the family. I can think of what my family is going through and it hurts a little, but I don't think I'm going to cry (not because I'm manly either) is because I was never attached to my grandfather. Lately, I've been criticizing the family on the way they have been handling this situation, and I've been thinking I'm just being the antagonist here. I'm antagonizing myself.

-David M.

The Perfect Human

A classmate posted these on our class blog as one of his inspiration of the final project to come. I'm just simply taken away by this short film as well.





Something about the narrator's voice...I can't put my finger on it.