On Becoming the Self Made Man

***I've been meaning to write on this topic, this seems like a great time to bring it up.

A New Year is just around the corner and I can't help but think, it's time to start anew. I find it a bit symbolic that I ended school at the end of a decade, and the start of my "life". It ended and began in 2010, note that it ended with a 0. It feels a bit monumental (at least to me).

This year has been both joyous to me and also an eye opener. I guess it can be said it was a pretty bittersweet year. I mean, I think almost every year seems bittersweet to me; you always have your good and your bad. However, this year is different, the things that has happened has been more or less my actions and I have time to reflect on that.

The ending of my college life has definitely has been a bittersweet experience. I've made friends throughout my life and they have come and go. So far, every time we are at the tangent of parting ways, I tell myself to be some pivotal part of their life. A friend that still stay in contact. So far, I think I'm doing a better a job at that. Though, I think I was on some sort of high while in school. It was easier to communicate and being good at what I was doing. Though, it just seems like a fancy now, school is such a controlled environment, it's nothing like the real world; it's more competitive, which I was aware. I felt like I was invincible that I was bound for something. However, post-graduation I see it was a lot tougher than expected and I'm sobering up. Took some time off and evaluated myself and tuning myself up for the following year and I hope not to fall short on that promise to myself.

On returning to campus a few times, I do feel a bit out of place. I don't know if it's my age or that I'm an alum and I should be out there doing something besides loitering. I'm sure it's not age, there are much older undergrads than me. I just can't help that while I'm still looking for a new routine, I'm wasting time. Though to be a bit of an optimist every moment is an opportunity, though I don't know what exactly good will come of chatting away my time besides the slight opportunity of stumbling onto a new acquaintance and a new venture.

However, the most important thing that was resounded in me is, we are not entitled to anything. Even if we did our best, we are not entitled to anything AT ALL. Though, there is always the slight glimmer in the back of my head that good things come to good people (which I still do), we shouldn't take defeat so hardly. We are not always at fault. It takes two to tangle and it takes another foot to walk in front of the other, and no I'm not saying it's the other person's fault either; there are always factors. As Conan O'Brien said for his closing remark on the Tonight Show, "All I ask of you is one thing: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism — it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen." Words I'll live by for the rest of my life.

Not to get television involved, but what I've seen on television and in the media really have helped me. I don't want to sound like a television junkie, but it really did help me paint a picture of what it is I need to do, how I should focus.

This year Conan lost his job, despite huge pushes favoring him he still lost it. Someone that was so dedicated to a network where he spent most of his life in, it must have been a huge stab at his heart. Reading and watching the interviews I can tell how deeply he was hurt by the decision, he didn't know what to do. Something so ingrained in your life has ended, what happens now? For him it was his show, for me it was school. He decided to go on a tour. I'm still trying to find an equivalent. I want to start on projects, but at the same time I want to find some kind of work so I can have funds; as much as I'm considered to be an artist, I don't to be a starving one, haha. Nine months later he got a new gig and he seems as happy as ever.

As much I am no Don Draper, I still see a lot of his struggles similar to mine sans the drinking, the adultery, the lying, but just who he is, who he is trying to be. Nevertheless he is a flawed character, he's only trying to be better. This season in particular I find to be the most interesting (SPOILERS). After losing, the firm, his wife, the house, etc. He starts life anew, he slowly tries become a better person, the person he wants to be. In the end, he kind of falls short, but I see him trying and it's hard. Also, one line that resonated with me was during the finale when one character justified they had every right to start a new life, but was rebuttal with, "There is no fresh start, lives carry on."

Why did I mentioned these two? They're both people within 2010 who has lost something they have been so accustom to and both have to make anew. I'm sure it's a time for a lot of self-reflecting. Something better is down the road. I have to work at it. The last couple months, the thought of, "I have to make something of myself." Has been the center of my thought process. At times, it's a bit depressing because I was at the same place I was at yesterday.

To sum this up, this is more of the biography to my resolution of the coming year. It's an end of a decade, and a new one will follow. I've failed and I learned; hopefully. I hope to make 2011 a progressive year. Not to say I'm going sky rocket to the top by this time next year, but I hope to make a leap, and bounds to follow afterwards. This is a testament I will commit myself to. The year is 2011, the year David Mei made something of himself.

No excuses in 2011, just keep moving forward.

-David M.

The Experience of Life

Not trying to write well thought out cohesive thoughts. Just thoughts...

You would expect people to become less dependent of you as time goes by, no, they become more. You think that if you change yourself things will be better. That's half the battle, if the people around you aren't willing to change. Not much can progress when the other leg does not follow. When your eagerness is seen a naivety and your progress is viewed as laziness...

-David M.

The F Word

In recent events, I think I have shown my true colors; not as if they were bad, a bit of earth tones and black and white, I'm sure we were aware of that to begin with. I'm happy these people confide in me. It's my greatest pride to be a good person even though sometime I don't see eye to eye with that part of me at times. I like to thank those that made me realize that. You don't know how much joy that is put into my heart. As much as I want my life to consist of a great career and a surplus of wealth, the one thing I would not give up is being a good human being. Maybe I'm patting myself on the back a little too much, but I just wanted to say as much.

Also, I found a great way to express these feelings.



In case you didn't know, the f word was meant to be friend.

-David M.

The Suitcase

Watching last night's episode of Mad Men made me realize a few things. I mean things that were already on my mind, but it made me realize how strong these thoughts actually are. I openly admit how silly a topic may seem, especially when you compare life to a television show. However, there is a difference between good writing and just over fascination; Mad Men is not the later. In this episode, after a few self struggle, you really see the main character Don Draper hit the bottom of the barrel and completely detached from reality. Why? Not willing to face reality? It's hard to face reality when one falls from grace. Despite still having what makes him the man he is, he is still at a lost. What does that all mean? He is who he is, still charming, skilled and he is who he is, the face of the agency. However, he does not face his losses. Till last night's episode which is probably the best episode in the season by far.

I did a little self-reflecting as I was watching the scene where Don breaks down. I thought to myself, a man isn't a man until he has faced humility. However, that may sound we all have to face it sometime, it's only natural that we lose a battle, even more than one. Accepting that loss is all about becoming better. In the new season, you see that he isn't willing to accept his loss he's going about in a self-destructive manner which in the end made him hit rock bottom, but like they say all clouds have a silver lining. We make light of these situations and we come out of these things better people.

I too felt like I've fallen off the high horse since graduation, life itself seems like a vast ocean now and the current can easily sweep me away. Trying to not think much of it, but the thought creeps up on you and it becomes strange. I've been a little off in my habits, but I've been getting myself back on a regiment. I have to push myself, spruce myself, and in the end better myself. Life is a dark place, but there are people out there that lighten things up.

-David M.

Life

I probably say this too often, but I feel like life is like a television series. A well written script and cast of interesting and not so interesting character. Sometimes the plot is predictable and sometimes it comes out of left field. If we were to diagram events of our lives, we'll find a string of interesting information. I have been saying recently, "it's a new season, new cast, new everything."

I feel like this is going to be a reboot of my story. People are different, more so than they seem. I understand things so much more. A new scene to be filmed, a new story to tell. The last couple months has seem a bit different for me. I think it's because I have been going about things differently and I did enjoy the events of the summer very much. I can't wait to see how the next couple months unfold. What twist will arise. Who is returning, who is new, who is just making a cameo. A new season has started and it's completely different from any other.

-David M.

The Return: A String of Thoughts to Live By

Just thoughts that have been sitting around. Maybe I should share...

In my moments of weakness I realize I have to be stronger.
We all have our demons, we have to know what they are.
We all have seen the light, but how many of us has turned around to see the shadow it casts?
Perspiration is the result of how much work we put into things physically, tears is the result of how much work we put into things emotionally.
Bricks make nice walls.
If you fall, you are the only one to pick yourself up.

I should write these down as they come instead of banking it on memory.

-David M.

Spring 10: In A Nutshell [The End of an Era]

To all the people I wasn't able to catch after the ceremony I want to say, "It has been a pleasure, good luck and keep in touch."

Normally, I write about my classes and a short reflection, but this note today is all about reflecting.

Most of you might know this and most of your probably do not, but I am quite the sentimentalist I'll miss everyone of you guys dearly; sincerely, I mean it. I really do. It's been less than 24 hours since I graduated and I feel like I have said good bye to a huge portion of my life. I would like to thank all of you who made my day (you know who you are) and for those who think they do; keeping thinking that. I kid, I kid.

One thing I have noticed in my personality is that I am quite sarcastic and sometimes (yes, I am aware) I can say things that sound down right mean. However, not once has it been used as slander. People have told me I am a genuine person and that's nice to know, despite what I believe is crap I give them all the time I still maintain a really good relationship with them For that I am grateful, sometimes I found myself really hard to deal with and for those who have such great tolerance I commend you for it.

I want to write something long and elaborate, but I do not want to bore you. I enjoyed my time at UIC and you wonder why of all places? It really was not the university that made me feel proud of where I was, it was the people. Maybe I don't give myself enough credit, but I surely give people a lot. I never thought of myself as anything more than just a regular person; not worth noticing. You guys have definitely noticed my traits and embraced it, help me mold it and master it. I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for all of you. If not for your insight and support I would have not have the courage to go where I wanted to go in life. I hope that as I leave UIC I meet others that are as great, supportive, humorous, warm, and open (I would like to include charming) as you all. I will really miss everything about the University and I hope that feeling is reciprocated as well.

Sincerely and Grateful,
-David Scott Mei

Is It So Wrong To Love Foggy Weather?

Monday and Saturday were great, the city was covered in fog. I've never been so happy to be enclosed in such a fog. A question arose about what's there to like about the fog, you can't see anything. I gave it a long hard thought and to answer it as poetically as I can.

"The great thing about fog is, you know what is there. You're certain of it, but something is obstructing your view and it isn't yourself."

-David M.

What You See Ain't Always What You Get

Thoughts and Quotes:

"How can something seem so close yet not within reach?"
As I was looking at the stars and the moon.

"Can you really forgive a man for killing his own heart?"
As I was walking home in the middle of the night.

"The phone keeps ringing, but no one is on the other side"
Stupid telemarketers

I realize I need to start finding friends that are single. Everyone I normally hang out with is in a relationship.

-David M.

A Hurdle, A Clearing, A Hurdle

Seems like this week might seem like there is some breathing room. Maybe not so much breathing room, but things to do seem a lot less in comparison to last week. Nonetheless everything is boiling to a nice fine point. I hope things end well by the end of the semester. I don't know how to plan this semester...too many things in front of me and I don't what I should hold on to.

-David M.

Love is a Career

I've been meaning to write this down, but I didn't get around to it. My Design Colloquium class is quite interesting. The professor often uses dating analogies when she talks about the job hunting process. Things such as founding the right fit, a place where you can be yourself and where you can work to grow in your practice the way you want to. Don't get stuck in a place you want to be because the job is not going to change because of you. Never take a rejection personal, it's strictly business though there are emotional involved regardless you move on don't get stuck in a rut about it. Stuff of that nature and I thought about it long and hard, she is right. Your career shouldn't be about finding a place and love shouldn't be about founding somebody.

This all came into light as I was walking to the washroom in A.A. You want to find a job that compliments you. A place you want to be happy going to every morning just like the person you want to see at the end of the day. There is no point in being miserable at your job because you're going to go home miserable to whoever is at home waiting for you; there's nothing to worry about if no one is there. You can't settle, especially in your youth. You can't expect someone to change for you more than you expect your job to change for you. The thought that struck me hard was, you can learn to love your job, but your job will never learn to love you; unless you're one of the decision makers in the company then things might be a little different. Same goes for people, you can learn to love someone, but they're not going to learn to love you if you're just settling. I don't know if that makes any sense.

-David M.

Think About It

The people who want it will get it.
The people who need it will find it.

Think about it.

-David M.

You Write Your History Then You Turn the Page

"You write your history then you turn the page."

This quote came to my head some odd evening during the week. I don't know what I was really thinking about when this line came into fruition. Just that I know you can't be stuck in the past, what has been written is written and there is no way of correcting what has been done. We as people should not stick on the page, we need to progress. The future is a blank slate and we write on these new pages; please do not use the past as a reference for new writing material. The future should be full of new ideas. I don't know, I just thought it sound nice.

-David M.

22

I post this too many times on my birthday. I listen to this too many times on my birthday. :/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glAd8y61pxs

-David M.

The Mundane can be an Eyeopener

Crossing my feet last night as I sat on the floor I noticed this.

-David M.

Thoughts: Strands that probably would not makes sense now or otherwise

Failure it's always a gateway to improvement.
When we lose things, less is more.
More becomes an abundance of useless things.
More become wants and we forget about necessities.
Wants are leisurely things, they're nice to have; others would agree to that.
What we do for people should not equate our value.
Just because you are accepted you should not be arrogant, you still can get kicked out.
Reliability is the best trait anyone can have.
Don't think of yourself as anything more than you are, and never think of yourself as anything less.

There was a list going through my head...I seem to have forgotten some.

Edit:
Any advancement good or bad is still a progression.
Nothing ever balances itself to a zero sum.

-David M.

I Dream of Defeat

Lately the thought and I've been having micro-dreams of myself. It begins, with me exhausted and sometime already beaten on the ground. I try to get back on my feet, but as I stand I'm approached by a person with a baton and it is forcibly swung across my head in a downward motion hitting the top of my right forehead. I am down again as distressed as I am I try to stand up again. That is when I wake.

I don't know what this all means...

-David M.

Prelude: February

I contemplated on should I be writing or continue watching Mad Men. In the end, I thought maybe my feelings weigh a bit more than a television show depicting a bunch of ad men on Madison Ave in the 1950s pitching their ideas for products people are no longer aware of besides a handful of design students. I'm saying this because no one knows what Lucky Strikes are and I grinned when they mentioned it in the first episode.

Anyways, February seems to be a good month, so far it's mediocre to me. It seems splendid for some, and going downhill for others. As an observer that's all I can say, not much I can do unless I know what needs to be done. I hope all goes well for all in the coming days, weeks, months, and years.

-David M.

Because the World isn't as Cruel as You Take it to Be.

"Because the world isn't as cruel as you take it to be."

From Durarara!!

-David M.

I Hate Being Right and I Love Being Wrong

I don't want to sound cocky when I say I'm right about people. I've been able to read a few people's to an approximate point for the most part. However, I don't like it when I'm right about them. Sometimes, I wish people can just prove me wrong. :/

-David M.

Work Hard and Be Kind

Couldn't say it better myself. People should live by this.

-David M.

Human Syntax Never Seem Logical

We like to think of ourselves as logical entities. We are able to observe and experience and from those form of interaction we can come to a conclusion on what we need to do. However, logic always escape us in the most crucial of moments. In comparison to a simple if statement in a line a code, a decision is made within a fraction of a second in comparison to how we function. Take for example,

If (objA != objB){
objA = 1;
objB = 0;
}else{
objA == objB;
}

Though this is probably not the most accurate representation of what I can think of. I'm not that great in thinking in pseudocode. Well, I am, but not when using psuedocode to compare to human experiences.

What it means if objA does not equal to objB then they are different, they do not equal each other.

Take a human scenario of, if one is not happy with another what would the most logical thing to do, be? Simple, interaction with the other party is therefore minimize. However, humans also have the ability to fix issues internally without external syntax being added. However, if there is no solution what would be the next logical step be? Simple, you refer back to the first option you already have.

I've been exposed to a couple scenarios of such in the last couple of weeks. Human logic fails us at the most crucial moments in our life. Solutions in life are simple, we tend to make it hard for ourselves.

-David M.

Cynicism

"Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. It's my least favorite quality. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

-Conan O'Brien

After watching the final episode of The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, he just seem like the most genuine fellow on television. Despite his cynical demeanor he still believe in the most simple principle of hard work and being kind; something I've been told time and time again from professionals I've met. Watching him tearing up as he said his closing remarks just shows how much he cares for the work he does, it's a shame he was force to quit.

Here's to you Conan.

-David M.

Thoughts #7: Obviousness

"The most obvious things are always the hardest to be grasped, hardest to be seen."

-David M.

Adventures at a Best Buy

I was buying printer ink at my local Best Buy with my friend Teng. This is the happenings that occurred as the transaction was being made.

I approached the cashier.
Cashier: Do you have a Reward Zone Card?
Me: No.
Teng: You can sign up for one now.
Cashier: I wasn't going to ask, but you can.
Teng: It'll help you save money.
Cashier: It doesn't help you save money, you earn money.
*I'm paying for the item.
Teng: You're pretty.
*I glanced to see if she was, I wasn't paying attention earlier; she was.
*A brief silence
Cashier: Thanks.
Me: Teng, you're a creep.
*Cashier laughed
Me: Have a good one.

2010 Needs a Bit More Soul

I've been meaning to post more...a little "reminder" told me I should blog more. Here's to things to come.

Al Green...If only I was as soulful.



-David M.