Apparition of Bad Faith or Bad Coincidence

Lately I've questioned my "charm" with people. I'm glad people are open and happy with me. That's a part I really value about myself over everything else. Though, I don't know what makes me tick, it does lighten the mood for most people. I know I sound full of myself; if what I say makes any sound in here at all.

However, I've been questioning this ability I am able to wield. People I've been recently associated with more closely has been in moods I don't want them to be in. I feel like I'm the cause or catalyst of this. If not directly, I'm definitely bringing upon them some sort of misfortune; as I believe so. I was cycling past relations with people and I can see some link...maybe I'm thinking too much.

Perhaps, I walk into people's lives and they're just a foot away from a dismal fall that I've come too late to catch them. Is a shame I never have a clear idea what's going on, I'm always just trying to help; sometime helping isn't enough. I really wish I understood what made me tick, so, I can understand others.

-David M.

Thoughts #4

"Romance seems so lovely from the outside."

-David M.

One Liner: Record Analogy

"No one wants a broken record."

"If it has a beautiful song, i don't mind playing it till the grooves are completely gone."

-David M.

The Clown

The Clown - Roy Orbison

I was a clown when I thought I had found
a love for me and only me but she laughed at the clown
turned him down turned him down

I never frown ah, ah, ah, I'm the clown
for it breaks my heart I play the part of a clown
runnin round trouble bound I'm the clown

I wander all around wondering if you ever cared
I go from place to place, I look from face to face
hoping that you will be there

All over town the word is out It's all around
that I love her still guess I always will I'm the clown
runnin round trouble bound I'm the clown

Home

I remember back in high school, I tried to write a novel length story; though I've only went as far as probably six chapters. Lately I've been reminded of the story that still sits on my hard drive entitled, "Home". Maybe the feelings I had at the time are resurfacing, but the theme I tried to instill into the story was, "Home is where the heart is." Not to sound cliché, but my heart has been wandering outside for a long time.

In the story the protagonist lives in rather lively house, but sometimes desolate. No matter the occasion he still resides in his room. However, whenever the house is empty he walks across the house in the dark without any lights on; much like me. However, he runs away with a friend...this is as far as I got. However, on his trip he learns the meaning of a "home". It's quite cheesey...

Lately, I thought I found a place where I felt welcome at. However, I think I might have overstayed my welcome. Does my heart really want to go back outside. It was fine when a feeling of a home was never there to begin with. My heart was in some form of cyrogenic sleep.

The last couple of days I realized, "Some things you just can't go back to"

-David M.

You are an Idiot

"You are an idiot" it's a note I left for myself inside my laptop's post it note. People who have seen it, thought it was discouraging or that I'm not too fond of myself. I put it there as a reminder to myself, I'm foolish and I tend to overlook things. I guess it was a pretty reminder...I've been overlooking the message since my head is cluttered with other crap. Maybe I was just got too confident of myself, thinking I can't make a mistake.

Point is, that memo was there for a reason. It's not going anywhere.

"I'm an Idiot" quote me on that.

-David M.

Rain

On the way back, it wasn't raining hard. It was raining the right amount. The sparse but rapid rain, my favorite type of rain. I decided to walk home from the bus stop today, even though I saw my transfer bus.

-David M.