One Less Mei

I found out last night that my Great Uncle passed away last night; my grandfather's younger brother. Before, you think it's some emotional drain thing I'm going through. I'm not, I've only met him once. Though, I'm probably going to write about him, in remembrance.

The only reason I remember him so well is because his resemblance to my grandfather was uncanny, their faces were the same. The only difference is, you can see the anger in his expression. For an old man, you knew he isn't someone you should mess with. My family claims that he's the most genuine Mei because he's the most ill tempered one there is.

I witnessed this first hand when I went to visit him 2 years ago. He was relentless even in front of his own daughter. They had an argument right in front of our family; the guest.

What struck me the most was, his paranoia. My father told me, he fought in wars back in China. My great uncle would tell my dad stories about how many Americans he killed. As old age came around, his paranoia grew. He would not visit doctors thinking the doctors are out to kill him, the government is out to get him. I heard from my mother he caused quite the scene in the hospital last year.

I think my dad was pretty close with him. I'm not sure. I'm curious how does my Great Aunt feels at the moment, three of her brothers have passed away.

-David M.

The Funeral...

The Wake and the Service occurred during the events of the last two days. As abrupt as the date was chosen for the wake and the service, was abrupt as the events in itself. Coordination was poor, and again I question my criticality on people. As the wake started at 2PM yesterday, a couple tears shed in the family and we sat down. Waiting for visitors, they were far between.

A few things (and I'll just keep it to a few), My mom and my aunts have no idea on what to do during a funeral. The bratty granddaughter still a brat during the whole event; is it so hard to not run around the whole funeral home when your grandfather is dead?

Today, during the service I have never seen so much chaos in organizing as I did today. My aunts didn't know exactly what they were doing, so did my mother. Organizing the service to happen around 9-11, and having a luncheon around 4:30? Traditionally, from what I learned today, is you give a red envelope to those who attended to the service during the meal following...however the meal was a good 4 hours between the service, and by that time they would have eaten or gotten on with the rest of the day. On the way back from the service, there was also a lack of directions given to the people attending. Apparently, people were suppose to stop by the home, but a lot of people did not know where to go.

Evidence being, one person would say something, and another would say something else. Confusion pursues...I know such an event usually consists of a lot of silence, but in the end there was nothing, but noise. I would describe my mother and aunts as being a bunch of headless chickens, because they were wandering aimlessly. I was not the only one that was frustrated with the arrangements, all the in-laws were too.

Over the course of the last two days, I have been reviewing actions of certain members of the family (mainly my generation), and they seem to not have put much thought into the magnitude of such a day. Maybe, I have been to hard on myself, and on others I really don't know.

This closes another chapter in my life, I hope that I can find a better footing in my own life now.

-David M.

The Dead Stay Dead, The Living Stay Living

After roughly 3 months, my grandfather finally kicked the bucket at roughly 7:30 tonight. At this point, I really don't know what to think. All this bottled frustration, anger, and a little bit of anxiety went somewhere when I received the phone call.

However, the linger thought of antagonizing this whole situation has left a strange after taste. Am I just an ass to them throughout this whole process? At one time I confine a lot of my energy to my mother side, strangely because my father's side was more critical of me. Over the years (or even just one), I became over critically of them, and that energy went sour; maybe I still bear some ill feelings towards them. I still harbor some of these feelings, even when my grandfather was sitting in the nursing home, they still find the appetite to play mahjong; which I still consider the reason they overlooked countless diagnosis. When, I arrived at the nursing home to see him off, they tried to lighten the mood, by suggesting on buying lotto ticket. Greed, is their vice, I really can't fathom their want for money.

However, I did not expect one of my cousin to cry or at least tear; I presumed from looking at her eyes. Also, the little brat of the cousin even pulled my grandma to the side, probably to say something to comfort her. All, I did was stood there and probably looked like I was antagonizing this situation.

Well, what has happened has happened, and those that are still here need to learn from this in some way or the other. I however, feel that I haven't done much in this situation, I probably came out a worse person after this.

-David M.

The Time Is Nearing...

So, I guess is about time. Seems, like my grandfather is about to go, or so the nurse explained to me as I went to visit him today. He has definitely thinned down to what he use to be. You can see it through the muscles around his eyes, I'm wondering if the reddening is where a vessel popped. I guess, this is something that can't be avoided. I was assuming it was going to be a longer process, but who's to say a quarter year is not long. I guess, my prediction of March being a shitty month is true; what can I say I'm clairvoyant.

As I was there again in the evening. I still feel a great indifference in this matter. As a couple of my aunts were crying, I couldn't really feel any sort of sadness for them. Though, the only sad thought that cross my mind was when my grandmother started crying. I can only imagine when the day comes, she will be by herself, I think that is the only sad situation in that matter. I really can't imagine being sad when the day comes, more of a scenario of paying my respects.

I do not know why a couple of my cousins are afraid of getting near him, a dying person. I told them, is just a person, and I was dragged right next to him shortly after, and she told me, "you do it." All I said, "I did, when my grandfather died, there isn't a difference now." and I sat there. Not much to it, I did not say anything to him; didn't have anything to say. Did not had anything to say to my paternal grandfather either at the time. I do not see the fear in being by someone that was dying.

I guess the saying, "Any day now." Has some weight to them.

-David M.

A Bit Too Young or Naive to Understand?

So, today I found out that my grandfather's only option now is to have surgery and have a tube inserted directly to his stomach. What seems like the logical next move, the family seems a bit hesitant to move forward. They tell me I'm too young to understand, but I really don't see it that way. They're afraid there will be complications with surgery or that due to his age, they believe he won't be able to make it. Here is where I found the family to be a bit naive, because from my understanding a doctor would always consider the patient's physical ability before performing open surgery. Right now, they're just playing their cards based off fear, which is probably the most ignorant thing once can do. If I was in his shoes I would much rather take the surgery over the possibility of starving to death. Yet, in the end they say I'm a bit naive or I'm too young to understand the matter. In the end, the only thing that is right about the situation is that the only one that should decide on his well being is his own children.

Though, today has sparked back some memories. The only 2 people in my family to die in my life time. One was my grandfather (paternal) was due to the fact that he decided to go back to the homeland and live in the backwater village he grew up in. Away from the U.S. where he could have been given proper medical treatment and probably still be alive now. I was 14 at the time and I was one of the few to have actually seen him before his passing 2 months later, all my family said was if he was still living in the U.S. he would had been in better shape. Second, was my cousin who died because of cancer at I believe at the age of 30 leaving behind her only daughter. Which leaves me to think I have a better opinion on the matter than my parents. I would remember how ignorant my parents would act when she would visit cause she had cancer, she would bring snacks over sometimes and just sit and talk with them. Shortly, after they left my mother would take the snacks and immediately dump them in the garbage can cause she believed cancer was contagious or at least something like karma. They can't seem to understand a lot of things, yet they know what is best. That doesn't make much sense does it? I really don't understand their logic, yet I'm also not in the same shoes as them. All I know is this is going to drag throughout the years, and is going to take a toll from me, regardless of my participation with their politics or not.

As much as I don't want this to be a weight/ an excuse for me to not be able to do certain things, it will be. I guess I have to go against the current.

-David M.