Am I the only one that hasn't been too fond with the weather. I would much rather be sweating and complaining about the heat right about now. Instead is been pretty mild and sometimes a bit chilly. We've only turned the A/C on during that one week, throughout the course of summer.
Things has really been odd.
-David M.
Showing posts with label Rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rant. Show all posts
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Memo:...
I don't know who reads this now. Though, I'm aware my last few posts have little of interest to do anything, and mainly more or less some negative thoughts I've been harboring in my mind. If you're reading, I guess the most I can say I'm thankful, you care to read at least, if not a little. I do apologize, if it is a side of me you're not use to associating me with.
Though, little by little I find the words I have to say today loses its relevance by the next day or so. I still need to get my thoughts out somewhere, somehow. This blog is an odd therapy, but I'm aware people will read this. I'm aware perceptions of me will changed.
Just saying...
-David M.
Though, little by little I find the words I have to say today loses its relevance by the next day or so. I still need to get my thoughts out somewhere, somehow. This blog is an odd therapy, but I'm aware people will read this. I'm aware perceptions of me will changed.
Just saying...
-David M.
Friday: A Case of Strange Happenings
Upon returning yesterday, besides the overall poor reception of the new history of design, the day was a bit off; in all kinds of way.
I found yesterday's arrival on campus to be a strange a return. Though, I've only been gone for 2 days it felt like I have not been present for a while. The "welcoming", was also strange (for lack of a better word for welcoming and the word strange). I felt strangely disconnected from a lot of people yesterday; odd to say I was hoping to find better footing on my last post, but it feels like I've completely fallen of the horse. A few people that knew asked, "How are you?" stimulated a strange after thought, how am I? Of course I'm still fine, but the tonality of it seems detached. Everything seems detached. Strings are cut, to say the least. I wonder if Monday, is going to be any different?
After all my classes, the campus seems emptied, and barren. I took my trip to the Home Depot to get a 2x4 to build my stretchers for painting. On the way down on Roosevelt , I saw a blind lady arguing with a homeless man (the one's that peddle by the expressway); the blind lady actually instigated the argument. It was strange to see a blind person argue. Though, I did not pick up the start of the conversation, I heard the argument arose. The lady was crossing the street with her dog, the homeless man telling her to move a little to the right, the lady stopped to tell the homeless man, "mind your own business and let my dog do its job." She stood in the middle of the expressway arguing with the man, as the light turned red. I watched to see if she made it across the street.
After I dug through a bunch of 2x4s with promising fronts, but rotted backings I found one; not the best, but it'll do. On my way back to campus carrying 7' 1/2 long 2x4 I saw the blind lady coming back in my direction, the homeless man was no longer at his post.
I spent the last hour and a half working on building the stretcher only to be done with the frames; Monday, is going to be another work day.
EDIT: On the way home on the bus, I was looking out the window, I noticed some girl with terrible make-up that from far away it looks like she's wearing sunglasses with the polarized shades. Up close, it was just make up.
As I got home, my friend Teng decided to fix up his old yellow bike. I told him of a bike shop Nik mentioned to me a while back; I might as well check it out. We were off to Nearly New Bikes.
Taking the scenic route on Halsted we slowly made our way up north. [Edit]As we passed Harrison at UIC, we saw a group of people enjoying live role playing with padded swords and all. [/EDIT] On the way up north, we saw a man on his horse and carriage traveling south in front of the northern project building. Strange, no?
In the course of waiting for the guys to finish changing his tires, the guys at bike shops were pretty good and friendly. The guy Jim, seems like a very hard worker and a great father, as he was telling us stories of his kids when he was working on the bike. They had good taste in music, as I walked in I heard Todd Rundren's, Hello Its Me playing in the shop as I lightly sung the chorus; one of my favorite songs.
By the time we got back (around 8), we decided to take his bike out for a spin, I went to grab my bike and we took my short route around. The center point of the route was Ping Tom Park, and by the time we reached the end of the park, I was telling him stories about my little biking trips. I told him how one time I was biking through the end of the park, and circling back, there was a couple that was making out, and how awkward it was to circle around them just to get back.
Making back to the other side of the park, which is the playground I normally circle through there when there aren't kids around. As I came around the corner, I see two people on the slide making out; speak of the devil. When we got out of the park we just laughed about it. NOTE THIS PART if you're reading.
As we came to the end of the route, Teng gets a call to see Fast and Furious, and so we put away the bikes, and waited at the gas station. The hypothetical 4 minutes turned out to have been much longer. While, at the gas station the owner son's was making fun of Teng; it killed some time.
When Henry finally arrived, we got the reason for the delay. He was dropping off Phil's girl. [RECALL THE NOTE] Henry was angry at Phil for making us late, and even more so for not telling him where he was to pick him up. He waited 15 minutes after agreeing to drop off his girl in front of his house. Only to call him to found out he was in Ping Tom. Guess who Phil saw at Ping Tom? Teng and I. So, those dam teenagers was Phil and whoever that was. We were laughing at what a small world it was. Henry was mad that we were late.
Fast and Furious was probably the worse of the franchise, not to say the franchise was the best to begin with. I was expecting as much, as everyone would be revving their cars and driving fast shortly after. Heck, two cars were dragging when we were gassing up.
Friday, was a strange day...
-David M.
I found yesterday's arrival on campus to be a strange a return. Though, I've only been gone for 2 days it felt like I have not been present for a while. The "welcoming", was also strange (for lack of a better word for welcoming and the word strange). I felt strangely disconnected from a lot of people yesterday; odd to say I was hoping to find better footing on my last post, but it feels like I've completely fallen of the horse. A few people that knew asked, "How are you?" stimulated a strange after thought, how am I? Of course I'm still fine, but the tonality of it seems detached. Everything seems detached. Strings are cut, to say the least. I wonder if Monday, is going to be any different?
After all my classes, the campus seems emptied, and barren. I took my trip to the Home Depot to get a 2x4 to build my stretchers for painting. On the way down on Roosevelt , I saw a blind lady arguing with a homeless man (the one's that peddle by the expressway); the blind lady actually instigated the argument. It was strange to see a blind person argue. Though, I did not pick up the start of the conversation, I heard the argument arose. The lady was crossing the street with her dog, the homeless man telling her to move a little to the right, the lady stopped to tell the homeless man, "mind your own business and let my dog do its job." She stood in the middle of the expressway arguing with the man, as the light turned red. I watched to see if she made it across the street.
After I dug through a bunch of 2x4s with promising fronts, but rotted backings I found one; not the best, but it'll do. On my way back to campus carrying 7' 1/2 long 2x4 I saw the blind lady coming back in my direction, the homeless man was no longer at his post.
I spent the last hour and a half working on building the stretcher only to be done with the frames; Monday, is going to be another work day.
EDIT: On the way home on the bus, I was looking out the window, I noticed some girl with terrible make-up that from far away it looks like she's wearing sunglasses with the polarized shades. Up close, it was just make up.
As I got home, my friend Teng decided to fix up his old yellow bike. I told him of a bike shop Nik mentioned to me a while back; I might as well check it out. We were off to Nearly New Bikes.
Taking the scenic route on Halsted we slowly made our way up north. [Edit]As we passed Harrison at UIC, we saw a group of people enjoying live role playing with padded swords and all. [/EDIT] On the way up north, we saw a man on his horse and carriage traveling south in front of the northern project building. Strange, no?
In the course of waiting for the guys to finish changing his tires, the guys at bike shops were pretty good and friendly. The guy Jim, seems like a very hard worker and a great father, as he was telling us stories of his kids when he was working on the bike. They had good taste in music, as I walked in I heard Todd Rundren's, Hello Its Me playing in the shop as I lightly sung the chorus; one of my favorite songs.
By the time we got back (around 8), we decided to take his bike out for a spin, I went to grab my bike and we took my short route around. The center point of the route was Ping Tom Park, and by the time we reached the end of the park, I was telling him stories about my little biking trips. I told him how one time I was biking through the end of the park, and circling back, there was a couple that was making out, and how awkward it was to circle around them just to get back.
Making back to the other side of the park, which is the playground I normally circle through there when there aren't kids around. As I came around the corner, I see two people on the slide making out; speak of the devil. When we got out of the park we just laughed about it. NOTE THIS PART if you're reading.
As we came to the end of the route, Teng gets a call to see Fast and Furious, and so we put away the bikes, and waited at the gas station. The hypothetical 4 minutes turned out to have been much longer. While, at the gas station the owner son's was making fun of Teng; it killed some time.
When Henry finally arrived, we got the reason for the delay. He was dropping off Phil's girl. [RECALL THE NOTE] Henry was angry at Phil for making us late, and even more so for not telling him where he was to pick him up. He waited 15 minutes after agreeing to drop off his girl in front of his house. Only to call him to found out he was in Ping Tom. Guess who Phil saw at Ping Tom? Teng and I. So, those dam teenagers was Phil and whoever that was. We were laughing at what a small world it was. Henry was mad that we were late.
Fast and Furious was probably the worse of the franchise, not to say the franchise was the best to begin with. I was expecting as much, as everyone would be revving their cars and driving fast shortly after. Heck, two cars were dragging when we were gassing up.
Friday, was a strange day...
-David M.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
The Funeral...
The Wake and the Service occurred during the events of the last two days. As abrupt as the date was chosen for the wake and the service, was abrupt as the events in itself. Coordination was poor, and again I question my criticality on people. As the wake started at 2PM yesterday, a couple tears shed in the family and we sat down. Waiting for visitors, they were far between.
A few things (and I'll just keep it to a few), My mom and my aunts have no idea on what to do during a funeral. The bratty granddaughter still a brat during the whole event; is it so hard to not run around the whole funeral home when your grandfather is dead?
Today, during the service I have never seen so much chaos in organizing as I did today. My aunts didn't know exactly what they were doing, so did my mother. Organizing the service to happen around 9-11, and having a luncheon around 4:30? Traditionally, from what I learned today, is you give a red envelope to those who attended to the service during the meal following...however the meal was a good 4 hours between the service, and by that time they would have eaten or gotten on with the rest of the day. On the way back from the service, there was also a lack of directions given to the people attending. Apparently, people were suppose to stop by the home, but a lot of people did not know where to go.
Evidence being, one person would say something, and another would say something else. Confusion pursues...I know such an event usually consists of a lot of silence, but in the end there was nothing, but noise. I would describe my mother and aunts as being a bunch of headless chickens, because they were wandering aimlessly. I was not the only one that was frustrated with the arrangements, all the in-laws were too.
Over the course of the last two days, I have been reviewing actions of certain members of the family (mainly my generation), and they seem to not have put much thought into the magnitude of such a day. Maybe, I have been to hard on myself, and on others I really don't know.
This closes another chapter in my life, I hope that I can find a better footing in my own life now.
-David M.
A few things (and I'll just keep it to a few), My mom and my aunts have no idea on what to do during a funeral. The bratty granddaughter still a brat during the whole event; is it so hard to not run around the whole funeral home when your grandfather is dead?
Today, during the service I have never seen so much chaos in organizing as I did today. My aunts didn't know exactly what they were doing, so did my mother. Organizing the service to happen around 9-11, and having a luncheon around 4:30? Traditionally, from what I learned today, is you give a red envelope to those who attended to the service during the meal following...however the meal was a good 4 hours between the service, and by that time they would have eaten or gotten on with the rest of the day. On the way back from the service, there was also a lack of directions given to the people attending. Apparently, people were suppose to stop by the home, but a lot of people did not know where to go.
Evidence being, one person would say something, and another would say something else. Confusion pursues...I know such an event usually consists of a lot of silence, but in the end there was nothing, but noise. I would describe my mother and aunts as being a bunch of headless chickens, because they were wandering aimlessly. I was not the only one that was frustrated with the arrangements, all the in-laws were too.
Over the course of the last two days, I have been reviewing actions of certain members of the family (mainly my generation), and they seem to not have put much thought into the magnitude of such a day. Maybe, I have been to hard on myself, and on others I really don't know.
This closes another chapter in my life, I hope that I can find a better footing in my own life now.
-David M.
Monday, March 30, 2009
The Dead Stay Dead, The Living Stay Living
After roughly 3 months, my grandfather finally kicked the bucket at roughly 7:30 tonight. At this point, I really don't know what to think. All this bottled frustration, anger, and a little bit of anxiety went somewhere when I received the phone call.
However, the linger thought of antagonizing this whole situation has left a strange after taste. Am I just an ass to them throughout this whole process? At one time I confine a lot of my energy to my mother side, strangely because my father's side was more critical of me. Over the years (or even just one), I became over critically of them, and that energy went sour; maybe I still bear some ill feelings towards them. I still harbor some of these feelings, even when my grandfather was sitting in the nursing home, they still find the appetite to play mahjong; which I still consider the reason they overlooked countless diagnosis. When, I arrived at the nursing home to see him off, they tried to lighten the mood, by suggesting on buying lotto ticket. Greed, is their vice, I really can't fathom their want for money.
However, I did not expect one of my cousin to cry or at least tear; I presumed from looking at her eyes. Also, the little brat of the cousin even pulled my grandma to the side, probably to say something to comfort her. All, I did was stood there and probably looked like I was antagonizing this situation.
Well, what has happened has happened, and those that are still here need to learn from this in some way or the other. I however, feel that I haven't done much in this situation, I probably came out a worse person after this.
-David M.
However, the linger thought of antagonizing this whole situation has left a strange after taste. Am I just an ass to them throughout this whole process? At one time I confine a lot of my energy to my mother side, strangely because my father's side was more critical of me. Over the years (or even just one), I became over critically of them, and that energy went sour; maybe I still bear some ill feelings towards them. I still harbor some of these feelings, even when my grandfather was sitting in the nursing home, they still find the appetite to play mahjong; which I still consider the reason they overlooked countless diagnosis. When, I arrived at the nursing home to see him off, they tried to lighten the mood, by suggesting on buying lotto ticket. Greed, is their vice, I really can't fathom their want for money.
However, I did not expect one of my cousin to cry or at least tear; I presumed from looking at her eyes. Also, the little brat of the cousin even pulled my grandma to the side, probably to say something to comfort her. All, I did was stood there and probably looked like I was antagonizing this situation.
Well, what has happened has happened, and those that are still here need to learn from this in some way or the other. I however, feel that I haven't done much in this situation, I probably came out a worse person after this.
-David M.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Spring Break: Sum It Up
I would be lying if I didn't had fun during break, but lets just say they were instances, oppose to something more solid or continual. I did had some R&R days, but I spent most of break being "productive", though being productive doesn't necessarily mean you'll be where you want to be.
Friday: History of Design canceled, went to school to paint; could not get into it. After my communications class, I wandered. Ended up being recorded for a "You're watching WTTW Chicago, Channel 11!" I forgot what those things are called (is at the tip of my tongue). Continued wandering, only to meet acquaintances of a friend; they were interesting to say the least. Got home, played Resident Evil with some friends till late.
Saturday: Beated Resident Evil; had to get it out of the way. Ended Spring Break there (kind of).
Sunday: Starting on work, started on tutorials for my 3D modeling class. Wish she just gave us time to work on our final project instead; guess it wasn't her style. Richard stopped by, productivity ended. At least I manage to finish the tutorial. Did not get to reading up on tutorials on facebook API.
Monday: Went to renew license, I liked my new picture it looks normal to say the least; Carla thinks I look like a stoner, or at least someone that is up to new good. Dislike the new cards. Afterwards, pissed away $30 bucks on painting materials. Spent 4 hours painting. Actually, got a lot of work done (I guess walking away from projects and coming back to it does help). Spent the evening playing with Vinh on Resident Evil for the remainder of the night, actually throughout the week we played Resident Evil from 10-1.
Tuesday: Semi-break, Semi-work. Headed towards the MCA to see Buckminster Fuller exhibit, amongst other exhibits; killed two birds with one stone. Went to lunch shortly after at a Hot Dog place, was ok. Friends find Design friends to be interesting; glad that they weren't stereotypical art kids or hipsters. Went back on campus with the assistance of Brandon and Rachel recorded my motion data. Now James can stop bugging me about it. Afterwards, stop by AARCC to brainstorm ideas for AARCC/AAMP drama with Brandon and Rachel. Don't know if it was productive or not. Hopefully, a script will be written and some footage shot. Here's to hoping.
Wednesday: Back to painting. Started at 10. Aaron and Ramon were present, discovered Phoenix through the painting session; new albums added to iPod. Took a short lunch break, seems Aaron and Ramon has dreams about each other that are basketball related. Onions in gyro seem to be really strong, felt dehydrated afterwards, throat pain followed the next day. They left at 4; quitters. I was close completion, decided to finish. I actually finished; joy ensued.
Thursday: Went to the lake around 9 with Teng, did some jogging; jogging well half awake is a bit hard. Started on working on my male character which I started; mainly touch up work. Started on the ear, and fixing details. Shortly, into the afternoon Teng and Simon stopped by. Later, Wayne then Danny. A little childhood friends reunion occurred. At 4:30 made way down to Art Institute, Teng and Simon decided to come along. Teng had to make it a guy thing and started counting girls he found attractive. My response, "..."
Friday: Finished a lot of details for my first character. Not satisfied at point of progress. Was planning to model out all characters and redo the scene. Only one character complete at this point; well sort of. Watched Slumdog Millionaire in the evening later on. Half-way in I get a phone call from the nurse at the nursing home, my grandfather is declining; could be any day now, any day has been the term for the last 3 months going on 4.
Saturday: Working on 3D modeling stuff. Went to see grandfather, seems like he's about to go. Will he?
Sunday: Started to update my scene file. Nurse calls again, telling me my grandfather is "changing". I guess the urgency of this whole situation is about to come into fruition.
I don't know what to say about this Spring Break. It had is moment, it has been the most productive one to say the least. No matter, how much work I put in can't expect miracles to happen. Will my grandfather go this week? I wrote that he was about to go 2 weeks ago, but he seem to recovered, but now he's back in the same situation...
Four more weeks, I wonder how this will all end. March was a bad month. I'm not looking for April.
-David M.
Friday: History of Design canceled, went to school to paint; could not get into it. After my communications class, I wandered. Ended up being recorded for a "You're watching WTTW Chicago, Channel 11!" I forgot what those things are called (is at the tip of my tongue). Continued wandering, only to meet acquaintances of a friend; they were interesting to say the least. Got home, played Resident Evil with some friends till late.
Saturday: Beated Resident Evil; had to get it out of the way. Ended Spring Break there (kind of).
Sunday: Starting on work, started on tutorials for my 3D modeling class. Wish she just gave us time to work on our final project instead; guess it wasn't her style. Richard stopped by, productivity ended. At least I manage to finish the tutorial. Did not get to reading up on tutorials on facebook API.
Monday: Went to renew license, I liked my new picture it looks normal to say the least; Carla thinks I look like a stoner, or at least someone that is up to new good. Dislike the new cards. Afterwards, pissed away $30 bucks on painting materials. Spent 4 hours painting. Actually, got a lot of work done (I guess walking away from projects and coming back to it does help). Spent the evening playing with Vinh on Resident Evil for the remainder of the night, actually throughout the week we played Resident Evil from 10-1.
Tuesday: Semi-break, Semi-work. Headed towards the MCA to see Buckminster Fuller exhibit, amongst other exhibits; killed two birds with one stone. Went to lunch shortly after at a Hot Dog place, was ok. Friends find Design friends to be interesting; glad that they weren't stereotypical art kids or hipsters. Went back on campus with the assistance of Brandon and Rachel recorded my motion data. Now James can stop bugging me about it. Afterwards, stop by AARCC to brainstorm ideas for AARCC/AAMP drama with Brandon and Rachel. Don't know if it was productive or not. Hopefully, a script will be written and some footage shot. Here's to hoping.
Wednesday: Back to painting. Started at 10. Aaron and Ramon were present, discovered Phoenix through the painting session; new albums added to iPod. Took a short lunch break, seems Aaron and Ramon has dreams about each other that are basketball related. Onions in gyro seem to be really strong, felt dehydrated afterwards, throat pain followed the next day. They left at 4; quitters. I was close completion, decided to finish. I actually finished; joy ensued.
Thursday: Went to the lake around 9 with Teng, did some jogging; jogging well half awake is a bit hard. Started on working on my male character which I started; mainly touch up work. Started on the ear, and fixing details. Shortly, into the afternoon Teng and Simon stopped by. Later, Wayne then Danny. A little childhood friends reunion occurred. At 4:30 made way down to Art Institute, Teng and Simon decided to come along. Teng had to make it a guy thing and started counting girls he found attractive. My response, "..."
Friday: Finished a lot of details for my first character. Not satisfied at point of progress. Was planning to model out all characters and redo the scene. Only one character complete at this point; well sort of. Watched Slumdog Millionaire in the evening later on. Half-way in I get a phone call from the nurse at the nursing home, my grandfather is declining; could be any day now, any day has been the term for the last 3 months going on 4.
Saturday: Working on 3D modeling stuff. Went to see grandfather, seems like he's about to go. Will he?
Sunday: Started to update my scene file. Nurse calls again, telling me my grandfather is "changing". I guess the urgency of this whole situation is about to come into fruition.
I don't know what to say about this Spring Break. It had is moment, it has been the most productive one to say the least. No matter, how much work I put in can't expect miracles to happen. Will my grandfather go this week? I wrote that he was about to go 2 weeks ago, but he seem to recovered, but now he's back in the same situation...
Four more weeks, I wonder how this will all end. March was a bad month. I'm not looking for April.
-David M.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Jury Duty
Today was my first instance of performing civil duty; it sucked. After watching the "How to be a Juror" video, it was already 10. All I did with my free time was reading Free Culture, I must admit it's probably the first scholarly book I read. I went through half the book in the assembly room. 11:15, nothing happened. They told us we can get lunch, the canteen was on the first lower level, and all that was, was some over price vending machines.
After returning, I notice the guard sorting checks, I assume we can go; it's too good to be true isn't it? Shortly after the announcement from the receptionist telling use that the only case of today was canceled and were free to go after receiving our checks. My first time a juror, nothing happened. I was kind of happy and disappointed at the same time. I've been too dam busy to worry about jury duty, and I would have been happier painting oppose to sitting in on a trial. Though, I've always been optimistic of my first instance of civil duty, guess they just clashed at the wrong point.
-David M.
After returning, I notice the guard sorting checks, I assume we can go; it's too good to be true isn't it? Shortly after the announcement from the receptionist telling use that the only case of today was canceled and were free to go after receiving our checks. My first time a juror, nothing happened. I was kind of happy and disappointed at the same time. I've been too dam busy to worry about jury duty, and I would have been happier painting oppose to sitting in on a trial. Though, I've always been optimistic of my first instance of civil duty, guess they just clashed at the wrong point.
-David M.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Mr. Abdullah
As I logged on to facebook yesterday, I found out some bad news. Not heart-wrenching, but still a melancholic reality. Mr. Abdullah has passed, I heard earlier in the month he was diagnose with cancer; which kind I don't know. Former students wanted to set a fund in his honor, or at least wanted to donate to his behalf. I never quite follow the pursuits of that. What struck me the most was his age, he was probably no older or younger than my dad.
Though, Mr. Abdullah might not have been the greatest teacher, I can't say I learn much in terms of academics, particularly social sciences from him. He was still a man that spurred many questions, though as cliche as that could sound, he got me thinking. I often questioned his credentials as a teacher, he was still loved by the student body.
I still remember my freshmen year, when KCP was still an experiment (I guess it still is). I had him first period, and one of the first few to refer to me as Mr. Mei; don't know why I commended much respect. In other words, news of this has struck me quite oddly. I was hoping for him to teach till he was old and senile (a word I learned from him.)
This month has involved a lot of giving and taking. I find it how things crash with each other so often, coincidentally. I guess that's how life works, one day your up, next day your down. (I wonder what song was that from?)
-David M.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
It's Been A While
I think this week has been a week that tested my work ethics to its limit. Luckily, I can say I passed. Though, is not time for any R&R this week either. Seems like things are just stipulating to a higher point. This is going to be interesting cause all I see myself doing from now and the last week of school is sitting in front of a monitor and sitting in the paint studio. I'm probably not going to be anywhere in between, so, often or frequent. I guess this is what 18 hours can do to you.
This following week I might even be juror depending on if I'm called upon or not, but as of now I'm a stand-by juror (isn't that exciting?). Kind of sucks that I might possibly have to do jury duty in a pretty hectic point in my life, what can I say? Life is only interesting when you're on your toes.
Though, I probably haven't talked about it in a while and reason being is I haven't seen my grandfather for about 2 weeks now. Currently, he's in a nursing home. My grandma visits him everyday. Though, I doubt he's going anywhere soon, my mom's side of the family is completely on edge. Though, they probably don't know any better either. Still the whole politics of it is just strange for lack of a better word. I find it odd that they finally decide to act like adults when someone is dying, yet they still seem a bit childish to me. Maybe I'm just being cynical or just uncaring about this entire matter, but there isn't anything to worry about, yet.
-David M.
This following week I might even be juror depending on if I'm called upon or not, but as of now I'm a stand-by juror (isn't that exciting?). Kind of sucks that I might possibly have to do jury duty in a pretty hectic point in my life, what can I say? Life is only interesting when you're on your toes.
Though, I probably haven't talked about it in a while and reason being is I haven't seen my grandfather for about 2 weeks now. Currently, he's in a nursing home. My grandma visits him everyday. Though, I doubt he's going anywhere soon, my mom's side of the family is completely on edge. Though, they probably don't know any better either. Still the whole politics of it is just strange for lack of a better word. I find it odd that they finally decide to act like adults when someone is dying, yet they still seem a bit childish to me. Maybe I'm just being cynical or just uncaring about this entire matter, but there isn't anything to worry about, yet.
-David M.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Huh? What's Going On?
I've always gone on working binges here and there, and is never a real problem. They usually last 3 days at most. This is officially the longest I've spent on a work binge (meaning I spend more than 5 hours outside of class focusing on school work). You would think working on school work would keep you focus, but I think my train of thought has derailed. I'm sitting on the bus thinking about dots and lines, and how to connect them and make them interesting, or should I have went with a triangle instead? a quad perhaps? do I know how to use the polygon script? Er!
I just spent my whole evening rigging a skeleton for a character, and it works about 90% right, at least it is a global model, so, it has it's benefits.
All in all I'm losing track of time, date, words, and information. My phone connection is messed up at home, and I can careless about that at the moment. I think I'm distraught, off topic. Though, I can't really relax till Friday, I was planning to finish my work by today, but that didn't happened.
The only benefit of being on a work binge is I fall asleep a lot easier.
-David M.
I just spent my whole evening rigging a skeleton for a character, and it works about 90% right, at least it is a global model, so, it has it's benefits.
All in all I'm losing track of time, date, words, and information. My phone connection is messed up at home, and I can careless about that at the moment. I think I'm distraught, off topic. Though, I can't really relax till Friday, I was planning to finish my work by today, but that didn't happened.
The only benefit of being on a work binge is I fall asleep a lot easier.
-David M.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Mo-Cap
Today, was a rather interesting thing. I was going to talk to my professor as I saw him outside of the hall, and got blind-sided by my other professor. Though, it wasn't a bad thing at all. Apparently, there is a work-study position for undergrad student to work in the B.A.T. Cave in other words the Mo-Cap studio, I was ecstatic, though I couldn't give her an answer right away. I was thinking about circumstances that I'm in right now, and if I really have the time? Though, I'm thinking I'm going to take it after much thought, not a lot of people use the mo-cap area till probably the end of the semester, and it gives me a nice quite place to work at, and is probably going to be an awesome work experience. Why not? Hopefully, nothing too drastic happens.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
A Strange Thought
Last night before I fell asleep I had the strangest thought. What if I was just a florist that sold flowers on the street? (I do not know why that thought occurred). So, I'm a traveling florist selling withered flowers, while wearing a straw hat and a lit cigarette on a metal ashtray as it was a piece of incense. I would stand under a shady area as people walked by bewildered as to why I'm even there. I don't know it was a strange thought. I think I might try to make something more of this premise.
-David M.
-David M.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
21
Yes, I stepped on a huge milestone without much effort besides, eating and sleeping to get to where I am today. Is my birthday, and as I was told the day prior; I shouldn't be mopey, and so no mopey post today.
As far as 21st birthdays go, mine was pretty sober; not like I was planning to get shit faced today anyways. Though, today a lot of good sentiments were felt, and for that I'm truly happy about; though I didn't received any brownies today which would had been awesome given I was hungry around 11-2.
It was a world shattering birthday given I turned 21, with records high for February 10th.
However, I wouldn't call it my birthday till I listen to my favorite birthday song which is pretty mopey, but I've always make it a point to listen to it every birthday for the last 4 years.
Without further adieu, Jay Chou's cover of "Wish Me a Happy Birthday",
Lyrics
I know being sad cannot change anything
So
Let me be a bit honest
Honest
And there isn't any uncontrollable lead offs
As long as you close your door
You need not take notice of anyone
Sitting in the empty box in a theatre by myself
Mobile
Let it rest for a night
Difficult
Want to cut off the frame of memories
The tears cannot fall after 12 O'clock
Happy Birthday
I say to myself
The candle is lit
Loneliness is cold
Happy Birthday
The tears have also melted
I have to thank everything you gave and took away
Still love you
With a bit of hatred
Still need time
To balance
The scar of passionate love
The frames are reborn
I have to thank you
Wish me happy birthday
-David M
As far as 21st birthdays go, mine was pretty sober; not like I was planning to get shit faced today anyways. Though, today a lot of good sentiments were felt, and for that I'm truly happy about; though I didn't received any brownies today which would had been awesome given I was hungry around 11-2.
It was a world shattering birthday given I turned 21, with records high for February 10th.
However, I wouldn't call it my birthday till I listen to my favorite birthday song which is pretty mopey, but I've always make it a point to listen to it every birthday for the last 4 years.
Without further adieu, Jay Chou's cover of "Wish Me a Happy Birthday",
Lyrics
I know being sad cannot change anything
So
Let me be a bit honest
Honest
And there isn't any uncontrollable lead offs
As long as you close your door
You need not take notice of anyone
Sitting in the empty box in a theatre by myself
Mobile
Let it rest for a night
Difficult
Want to cut off the frame of memories
The tears cannot fall after 12 O'clock
Happy Birthday
I say to myself
The candle is lit
Loneliness is cold
Happy Birthday
The tears have also melted
I have to thank everything you gave and took away
Still love you
With a bit of hatred
Still need time
To balance
The scar of passionate love
The frames are reborn
I have to thank you
Wish me happy birthday
-David M
Saturday, February 7, 2009
A New Threshold
Referencing back to the Jørgen Leth piece, the Perfect Human. I think the line the resonated with me the most is the line, "Today, too, I experienced something I hope to understand in a few days." I guess the last couple of days I think I understand this experience just a little bit. Maybe not entirely, but I think I learn to assess this situation a lot better. A lot calmer than the last couple weeks I would say. That's about it. It doesn't seem like is going to change the out cause.
Regardless, the last couple of days I just reflect a lot about my behavior. More or less my temper/emotions. As a kid I use to be temperamental the slightest nuisances would have set me off (this was probably up until age 5). I remember getting into two physical altercation as a kid over something that was probably stupid. Over the course of the last 16 years, I "blew up" probably 3 to 4 times in between. Which, is probably a much different face people are use to seeing. Shortly, afterwards I find these people distant from me. Which, has always led me to find a calmer center and a higher tolerance for things. I just don't ever want to lose my temper in front of other's again, not with the people I know now. I realize is a "human" thing, but sometimes venting isn't always the best venue.
I think the next couple days will be more "normal" if I have to describe it, but more or less right now, I think I have a working formula. Mainly due to the weather.
Sometimes I don't think my post makes much sense, but it makes sense to me.
-David M.
Regardless, the last couple of days I just reflect a lot about my behavior. More or less my temper/emotions. As a kid I use to be temperamental the slightest nuisances would have set me off (this was probably up until age 5). I remember getting into two physical altercation as a kid over something that was probably stupid. Over the course of the last 16 years, I "blew up" probably 3 to 4 times in between. Which, is probably a much different face people are use to seeing. Shortly, afterwards I find these people distant from me. Which, has always led me to find a calmer center and a higher tolerance for things. I just don't ever want to lose my temper in front of other's again, not with the people I know now. I realize is a "human" thing, but sometimes venting isn't always the best venue.
I think the next couple days will be more "normal" if I have to describe it, but more or less right now, I think I have a working formula. Mainly due to the weather.
Sometimes I don't think my post makes much sense, but it makes sense to me.
-David M.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Cranky
Apparently, people say I've been a lot crankier/angrier in my tone of voice lately. I didn't know it was that obvious.
-David M.
-David M.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Things Break
I've been placing much thoughts on the things that have been happening around me lately. Lately, the things that have been breaking. On Tuesday, the day my grandfather was admitted, the Korean drum attachment Jeungyoung gave me broke on the bus, and I lost all the pieces, I realized that when I entered the AA building. My desktop has been giving in a lot lately this week also. Something, else broke over the weekend, but I can't quite remember at the moment, but it wasn't as big. However, today was the probably the crippler factor, as I plug in my AC adapter, it shorted. Meaning, I can't work on my class work for the next 2-3 days. Luckily I manage to get the work done before hand, but it doesn't help. Is almost a bit poetic/symbolic the way things are going now.
So for the past week I've been debating about a lot of things on my mind. Simply, it's too clutter even for my own liking. As I learned today Asians like hoarding, me personally I don't like to bring garbage in, but I guess I like hoarding crap in my head; mainly a guilty conscious. My mind always takes notes of every little sentence I say, every gesture I do, and points out the negative with such scrutiny I have become shy to these thoughts. Today, I decided to clear up thoughts that have been cluttering my head for the longest time, so, only a few tackling issue will stay a float in my head as it is necessary with what is going on right now. It is a bit nerve racking to have thoughts held back for a long time, and finally decide to face them. Plus, I feel like my character, who I am as an individual is breaking to be blunt about it, and before I even lose touch with that part of myself, I feel like I need to make resolves.
I know, I'm not the one who is dying. Though, I feel like (as narcissistic as this could sound) I play normally play the protagonist in my life; maybe I'm secretly the antagonist and I don't even know it. I feel as of late I've been having very antagonizing thoughts. I don't know...it feels bad, odd, is out of my skin; perhaps it is my true colors. Though, it could be a way of cooping or dealing with what's at hand. Regardless, I don't like how I am feeling at the moment. Yet, at the same time I don't think it'll be easy going back. However, like a protagonist (being a comic geek) most people break only to rebuild themselves to be stronger people, better people; they become the actual protagonist. In my short life of living, I've been broken down at least 3 times (nothing of note, but I fallen down a couple times) and in those moments I managed to become a better person out of those experiences ala the one you all love and know now, ta-da. However, I feel like the events of late has broken me down a lot more than I normally have, and I'm tired of challenges. To be honest, I think I have gotten a lot to look forward to within the last year than I had my entire life, and I'm kind of scared to see in the end of this certain event what will I become out this. Right now, I'm not making much sense, probably wondering what I'm meandering about. I have not gotten crazy yet, though a lot of notable artists and authors had mental breakdowns in their college days; I'm not going to have that, so don't worry.
I'm seeing this as another sequence in which I'm going to grow out of as a different person. Hopefully, a better one.
On the note of antagonizing thoughts, I was never close to my grandparents. I've been recollecting. I known both of my grandparents, my paternal one showed much love to my cousin Eva, she was his favorite and as of now she still trying to grasp that lost and I feel a bit sorry for her. My maternal grandfather however, is a crazy nationalist, and he see us ABCs as nothing, but naive, and ignorant people compare to the Chinese. However, right now his Chinese grandchildren can't do jack shit for him, and I find that to be a strange karma. So, as of now I don't feel anything for him as he lays there probably scared out of his mind. Though, I am terrified at the thought that I can be so careless at the same time. Is it ok not to feel anything about someone that is dying in the family. I can think of what my family is going through and it hurts a little, but I don't think I'm going to cry (not because I'm manly either) is because I was never attached to my grandfather. Lately, I've been criticizing the family on the way they have been handling this situation, and I've been thinking I'm just being the antagonist here. I'm antagonizing myself.
-David M.
So for the past week I've been debating about a lot of things on my mind. Simply, it's too clutter even for my own liking. As I learned today Asians like hoarding, me personally I don't like to bring garbage in, but I guess I like hoarding crap in my head; mainly a guilty conscious. My mind always takes notes of every little sentence I say, every gesture I do, and points out the negative with such scrutiny I have become shy to these thoughts. Today, I decided to clear up thoughts that have been cluttering my head for the longest time, so, only a few tackling issue will stay a float in my head as it is necessary with what is going on right now. It is a bit nerve racking to have thoughts held back for a long time, and finally decide to face them. Plus, I feel like my character, who I am as an individual is breaking to be blunt about it, and before I even lose touch with that part of myself, I feel like I need to make resolves.
I know, I'm not the one who is dying. Though, I feel like (as narcissistic as this could sound) I play normally play the protagonist in my life; maybe I'm secretly the antagonist and I don't even know it. I feel as of late I've been having very antagonizing thoughts. I don't know...it feels bad, odd, is out of my skin; perhaps it is my true colors. Though, it could be a way of cooping or dealing with what's at hand. Regardless, I don't like how I am feeling at the moment. Yet, at the same time I don't think it'll be easy going back. However, like a protagonist (being a comic geek) most people break only to rebuild themselves to be stronger people, better people; they become the actual protagonist. In my short life of living, I've been broken down at least 3 times (nothing of note, but I fallen down a couple times) and in those moments I managed to become a better person out of those experiences ala the one you all love and know now, ta-da. However, I feel like the events of late has broken me down a lot more than I normally have, and I'm tired of challenges. To be honest, I think I have gotten a lot to look forward to within the last year than I had my entire life, and I'm kind of scared to see in the end of this certain event what will I become out this. Right now, I'm not making much sense, probably wondering what I'm meandering about. I have not gotten crazy yet, though a lot of notable artists and authors had mental breakdowns in their college days; I'm not going to have that, so don't worry.
I'm seeing this as another sequence in which I'm going to grow out of as a different person. Hopefully, a better one.
On the note of antagonizing thoughts, I was never close to my grandparents. I've been recollecting. I known both of my grandparents, my paternal one showed much love to my cousin Eva, she was his favorite and as of now she still trying to grasp that lost and I feel a bit sorry for her. My maternal grandfather however, is a crazy nationalist, and he see us ABCs as nothing, but naive, and ignorant people compare to the Chinese. However, right now his Chinese grandchildren can't do jack shit for him, and I find that to be a strange karma. So, as of now I don't feel anything for him as he lays there probably scared out of his mind. Though, I am terrified at the thought that I can be so careless at the same time. Is it ok not to feel anything about someone that is dying in the family. I can think of what my family is going through and it hurts a little, but I don't think I'm going to cry (not because I'm manly either) is because I was never attached to my grandfather. Lately, I've been criticizing the family on the way they have been handling this situation, and I've been thinking I'm just being the antagonist here. I'm antagonizing myself.
-David M.
The Perfect Human
A classmate posted these on our class blog as one of his inspiration of the final project to come. I'm just simply taken away by this short film as well.
Something about the narrator's voice...I can't put my finger on it.
Something about the narrator's voice...I can't put my finger on it.
Friday, January 30, 2009
A Dying Breed
Today, was the day the anonymous email will be answered. Surely, the answer was quick and to the point. Due to budget constraints the school of Art and Design has come to the conclusion of cutting the Electronic Visualization program to maintain function. If when push comes to shove, but either way is looking that way. They've already gotten rid of the Design Anthropology major. It comes as no surprise as EV is probably the smallest major in the school.
Though, one thing is for certain. I'm not screwed. The EV program has been suspended, not ended. All those that are currently in EV will graduate with a degree for EV. The thing is, how to maintain function of classes given the size of the remaining students, so, classes won't be canceled.
-David M.
Though, one thing is for certain. I'm not screwed. The EV program has been suspended, not ended. All those that are currently in EV will graduate with a degree for EV. The thing is, how to maintain function of classes given the size of the remaining students, so, classes won't be canceled.
-David M.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
A Bit Too Young or Naive to Understand?
So, today I found out that my grandfather's only option now is to have surgery and have a tube inserted directly to his stomach. What seems like the logical next move, the family seems a bit hesitant to move forward. They tell me I'm too young to understand, but I really don't see it that way. They're afraid there will be complications with surgery or that due to his age, they believe he won't be able to make it. Here is where I found the family to be a bit naive, because from my understanding a doctor would always consider the patient's physical ability before performing open surgery. Right now, they're just playing their cards based off fear, which is probably the most ignorant thing once can do. If I was in his shoes I would much rather take the surgery over the possibility of starving to death. Yet, in the end they say I'm a bit naive or I'm too young to understand the matter. In the end, the only thing that is right about the situation is that the only one that should decide on his well being is his own children.
Though, today has sparked back some memories. The only 2 people in my family to die in my life time. One was my grandfather (paternal) was due to the fact that he decided to go back to the homeland and live in the backwater village he grew up in. Away from the U.S. where he could have been given proper medical treatment and probably still be alive now. I was 14 at the time and I was one of the few to have actually seen him before his passing 2 months later, all my family said was if he was still living in the U.S. he would had been in better shape. Second, was my cousin who died because of cancer at I believe at the age of 30 leaving behind her only daughter. Which leaves me to think I have a better opinion on the matter than my parents. I would remember how ignorant my parents would act when she would visit cause she had cancer, she would bring snacks over sometimes and just sit and talk with them. Shortly, after they left my mother would take the snacks and immediately dump them in the garbage can cause she believed cancer was contagious or at least something like karma. They can't seem to understand a lot of things, yet they know what is best. That doesn't make much sense does it? I really don't understand their logic, yet I'm also not in the same shoes as them. All I know is this is going to drag throughout the years, and is going to take a toll from me, regardless of my participation with their politics or not.
As much as I don't want this to be a weight/ an excuse for me to not be able to do certain things, it will be. I guess I have to go against the current.
-David M.
Though, today has sparked back some memories. The only 2 people in my family to die in my life time. One was my grandfather (paternal) was due to the fact that he decided to go back to the homeland and live in the backwater village he grew up in. Away from the U.S. where he could have been given proper medical treatment and probably still be alive now. I was 14 at the time and I was one of the few to have actually seen him before his passing 2 months later, all my family said was if he was still living in the U.S. he would had been in better shape. Second, was my cousin who died because of cancer at I believe at the age of 30 leaving behind her only daughter. Which leaves me to think I have a better opinion on the matter than my parents. I would remember how ignorant my parents would act when she would visit cause she had cancer, she would bring snacks over sometimes and just sit and talk with them. Shortly, after they left my mother would take the snacks and immediately dump them in the garbage can cause she believed cancer was contagious or at least something like karma. They can't seem to understand a lot of things, yet they know what is best. That doesn't make much sense does it? I really don't understand their logic, yet I'm also not in the same shoes as them. All I know is this is going to drag throughout the years, and is going to take a toll from me, regardless of my participation with their politics or not.
As much as I don't want this to be a weight/ an excuse for me to not be able to do certain things, it will be. I guess I have to go against the current.
-David M.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Miscommunication, Superstitution, Stupidity...The Whole Nine Yards
When I think things are clearing and school life comes butting is way back in. Family life comes back again once again. As I mentioned earlier before my grandfather has a tumor in his esophagus. Though, it causes it an issue, the doctor giving the diagnosis did not indicate the size of the tumor; is 6cm roughly 2.36 inches in which I did not find out till tonight. Now that would call for immediate attention.
As of now he has evasive cancer, and I simply do not know what that means. I thought as least my whole maternal side of the family knows. Apparently there has been a huge miscommunication on my grandfather's condition, and I blame their sense of communication or their attentiveness to the previous hospital stay. Though, the tumor issue I did not found out till 3 weeks ago. My family themselves did not want to do anything till after Chinese New Years, I think is all cause of bad mojo or whatever; Chinese traditionalist can be very superstitious. Regardless as such, my grandfather has been having a harder time ingesting. Which, leads to tonight's entry.
Though, I was aware of what was going on, I was not aware of the entirety of the situation. Regardless, of such I'd much rather have my head stuck in school than family at this point and time. However, I did contact the radiology doctor and they wanted to meet my doctor, as I consulted with my mother's side they thought it was best to do treatment after New Years. As it was going through my head, the doctor giving the diagnosis did not had a sense of urgency in his voice, which really did not cause me to be alarmed at first. Secondly, they wanted to consult with their primary physician whom I think is a complete quack. Which sums up to a wild goose chase, given that most of the paper work responsibility was left with my brother; which I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for this.
The last two days my grandfather wanted to be admitted, though he doesn't know how the hospital system works even after multiple explanation. They did not heed my suggestion of making appointments and they ended up waiting about 3 hours in the ER. They're still there now, I came home cause I got class at 9. Though, what troubled me was the knowledge the family had about my grandfather's condition. Apparently, bits and piece were misinterpreted and confusion grew. My cousin who was interpreting had no idea my grandfather had a tumor. In the end, I had to come in and the doctor was talking to me like an idiot for not scheduling appointments, what can I say? They wanted to do this after New Years, though I didn't know it was 6cm till he told me. If I knew I would had acted right upon hearing about it.
In summary, I dislike the medical system we have cause there was so much confusion going on between the week of Christmas and even now, in terms of his condition. My maternal side of the family lack any initiative and motivation. I'm probably half-heartedly as cold cause at this point I really don't care about this circus frenzy, I can't even think about what I'm doing at this point, let alone what I can do for people now.
-David M.
As of now he has evasive cancer, and I simply do not know what that means. I thought as least my whole maternal side of the family knows. Apparently there has been a huge miscommunication on my grandfather's condition, and I blame their sense of communication or their attentiveness to the previous hospital stay. Though, the tumor issue I did not found out till 3 weeks ago. My family themselves did not want to do anything till after Chinese New Years, I think is all cause of bad mojo or whatever; Chinese traditionalist can be very superstitious. Regardless as such, my grandfather has been having a harder time ingesting. Which, leads to tonight's entry.
Though, I was aware of what was going on, I was not aware of the entirety of the situation. Regardless, of such I'd much rather have my head stuck in school than family at this point and time. However, I did contact the radiology doctor and they wanted to meet my doctor, as I consulted with my mother's side they thought it was best to do treatment after New Years. As it was going through my head, the doctor giving the diagnosis did not had a sense of urgency in his voice, which really did not cause me to be alarmed at first. Secondly, they wanted to consult with their primary physician whom I think is a complete quack. Which sums up to a wild goose chase, given that most of the paper work responsibility was left with my brother; which I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for this.
The last two days my grandfather wanted to be admitted, though he doesn't know how the hospital system works even after multiple explanation. They did not heed my suggestion of making appointments and they ended up waiting about 3 hours in the ER. They're still there now, I came home cause I got class at 9. Though, what troubled me was the knowledge the family had about my grandfather's condition. Apparently, bits and piece were misinterpreted and confusion grew. My cousin who was interpreting had no idea my grandfather had a tumor. In the end, I had to come in and the doctor was talking to me like an idiot for not scheduling appointments, what can I say? They wanted to do this after New Years, though I didn't know it was 6cm till he told me. If I knew I would had acted right upon hearing about it.
In summary, I dislike the medical system we have cause there was so much confusion going on between the week of Christmas and even now, in terms of his condition. My maternal side of the family lack any initiative and motivation. I'm probably half-heartedly as cold cause at this point I really don't care about this circus frenzy, I can't even think about what I'm doing at this point, let alone what I can do for people now.
-David M.
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