On Becoming the Self Made Man

***I've been meaning to write on this topic, this seems like a great time to bring it up.

A New Year is just around the corner and I can't help but think, it's time to start anew. I find it a bit symbolic that I ended school at the end of a decade, and the start of my "life". It ended and began in 2010, note that it ended with a 0. It feels a bit monumental (at least to me).

This year has been both joyous to me and also an eye opener. I guess it can be said it was a pretty bittersweet year. I mean, I think almost every year seems bittersweet to me; you always have your good and your bad. However, this year is different, the things that has happened has been more or less my actions and I have time to reflect on that.

The ending of my college life has definitely has been a bittersweet experience. I've made friends throughout my life and they have come and go. So far, every time we are at the tangent of parting ways, I tell myself to be some pivotal part of their life. A friend that still stay in contact. So far, I think I'm doing a better a job at that. Though, I think I was on some sort of high while in school. It was easier to communicate and being good at what I was doing. Though, it just seems like a fancy now, school is such a controlled environment, it's nothing like the real world; it's more competitive, which I was aware. I felt like I was invincible that I was bound for something. However, post-graduation I see it was a lot tougher than expected and I'm sobering up. Took some time off and evaluated myself and tuning myself up for the following year and I hope not to fall short on that promise to myself.

On returning to campus a few times, I do feel a bit out of place. I don't know if it's my age or that I'm an alum and I should be out there doing something besides loitering. I'm sure it's not age, there are much older undergrads than me. I just can't help that while I'm still looking for a new routine, I'm wasting time. Though to be a bit of an optimist every moment is an opportunity, though I don't know what exactly good will come of chatting away my time besides the slight opportunity of stumbling onto a new acquaintance and a new venture.

However, the most important thing that was resounded in me is, we are not entitled to anything. Even if we did our best, we are not entitled to anything AT ALL. Though, there is always the slight glimmer in the back of my head that good things come to good people (which I still do), we shouldn't take defeat so hardly. We are not always at fault. It takes two to tangle and it takes another foot to walk in front of the other, and no I'm not saying it's the other person's fault either; there are always factors. As Conan O'Brien said for his closing remark on the Tonight Show, "All I ask of you is one thing: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism — it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen." Words I'll live by for the rest of my life.

Not to get television involved, but what I've seen on television and in the media really have helped me. I don't want to sound like a television junkie, but it really did help me paint a picture of what it is I need to do, how I should focus.

This year Conan lost his job, despite huge pushes favoring him he still lost it. Someone that was so dedicated to a network where he spent most of his life in, it must have been a huge stab at his heart. Reading and watching the interviews I can tell how deeply he was hurt by the decision, he didn't know what to do. Something so ingrained in your life has ended, what happens now? For him it was his show, for me it was school. He decided to go on a tour. I'm still trying to find an equivalent. I want to start on projects, but at the same time I want to find some kind of work so I can have funds; as much as I'm considered to be an artist, I don't to be a starving one, haha. Nine months later he got a new gig and he seems as happy as ever.

As much I am no Don Draper, I still see a lot of his struggles similar to mine sans the drinking, the adultery, the lying, but just who he is, who he is trying to be. Nevertheless he is a flawed character, he's only trying to be better. This season in particular I find to be the most interesting (SPOILERS). After losing, the firm, his wife, the house, etc. He starts life anew, he slowly tries become a better person, the person he wants to be. In the end, he kind of falls short, but I see him trying and it's hard. Also, one line that resonated with me was during the finale when one character justified they had every right to start a new life, but was rebuttal with, "There is no fresh start, lives carry on."

Why did I mentioned these two? They're both people within 2010 who has lost something they have been so accustom to and both have to make anew. I'm sure it's a time for a lot of self-reflecting. Something better is down the road. I have to work at it. The last couple months, the thought of, "I have to make something of myself." Has been the center of my thought process. At times, it's a bit depressing because I was at the same place I was at yesterday.

To sum this up, this is more of the biography to my resolution of the coming year. It's an end of a decade, and a new one will follow. I've failed and I learned; hopefully. I hope to make 2011 a progressive year. Not to say I'm going sky rocket to the top by this time next year, but I hope to make a leap, and bounds to follow afterwards. This is a testament I will commit myself to. The year is 2011, the year David Mei made something of himself.

No excuses in 2011, just keep moving forward.

-David M.