Today, was the day the anonymous email will be answered. Surely, the answer was quick and to the point. Due to budget constraints the school of Art and Design has come to the conclusion of cutting the Electronic Visualization program to maintain function. If when push comes to shove, but either way is looking that way. They've already gotten rid of the Design Anthropology major. It comes as no surprise as EV is probably the smallest major in the school.
Though, one thing is for certain. I'm not screwed. The EV program has been suspended, not ended. All those that are currently in EV will graduate with a degree for EV. The thing is, how to maintain function of classes given the size of the remaining students, so, classes won't be canceled.
-David M.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
A Bit Too Young or Naive to Understand?
So, today I found out that my grandfather's only option now is to have surgery and have a tube inserted directly to his stomach. What seems like the logical next move, the family seems a bit hesitant to move forward. They tell me I'm too young to understand, but I really don't see it that way. They're afraid there will be complications with surgery or that due to his age, they believe he won't be able to make it. Here is where I found the family to be a bit naive, because from my understanding a doctor would always consider the patient's physical ability before performing open surgery. Right now, they're just playing their cards based off fear, which is probably the most ignorant thing once can do. If I was in his shoes I would much rather take the surgery over the possibility of starving to death. Yet, in the end they say I'm a bit naive or I'm too young to understand the matter. In the end, the only thing that is right about the situation is that the only one that should decide on his well being is his own children.
Though, today has sparked back some memories. The only 2 people in my family to die in my life time. One was my grandfather (paternal) was due to the fact that he decided to go back to the homeland and live in the backwater village he grew up in. Away from the U.S. where he could have been given proper medical treatment and probably still be alive now. I was 14 at the time and I was one of the few to have actually seen him before his passing 2 months later, all my family said was if he was still living in the U.S. he would had been in better shape. Second, was my cousin who died because of cancer at I believe at the age of 30 leaving behind her only daughter. Which leaves me to think I have a better opinion on the matter than my parents. I would remember how ignorant my parents would act when she would visit cause she had cancer, she would bring snacks over sometimes and just sit and talk with them. Shortly, after they left my mother would take the snacks and immediately dump them in the garbage can cause she believed cancer was contagious or at least something like karma. They can't seem to understand a lot of things, yet they know what is best. That doesn't make much sense does it? I really don't understand their logic, yet I'm also not in the same shoes as them. All I know is this is going to drag throughout the years, and is going to take a toll from me, regardless of my participation with their politics or not.
As much as I don't want this to be a weight/ an excuse for me to not be able to do certain things, it will be. I guess I have to go against the current.
-David M.
Though, today has sparked back some memories. The only 2 people in my family to die in my life time. One was my grandfather (paternal) was due to the fact that he decided to go back to the homeland and live in the backwater village he grew up in. Away from the U.S. where he could have been given proper medical treatment and probably still be alive now. I was 14 at the time and I was one of the few to have actually seen him before his passing 2 months later, all my family said was if he was still living in the U.S. he would had been in better shape. Second, was my cousin who died because of cancer at I believe at the age of 30 leaving behind her only daughter. Which leaves me to think I have a better opinion on the matter than my parents. I would remember how ignorant my parents would act when she would visit cause she had cancer, she would bring snacks over sometimes and just sit and talk with them. Shortly, after they left my mother would take the snacks and immediately dump them in the garbage can cause she believed cancer was contagious or at least something like karma. They can't seem to understand a lot of things, yet they know what is best. That doesn't make much sense does it? I really don't understand their logic, yet I'm also not in the same shoes as them. All I know is this is going to drag throughout the years, and is going to take a toll from me, regardless of my participation with their politics or not.
As much as I don't want this to be a weight/ an excuse for me to not be able to do certain things, it will be. I guess I have to go against the current.
-David M.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Miscommunication, Superstitution, Stupidity...The Whole Nine Yards
When I think things are clearing and school life comes butting is way back in. Family life comes back again once again. As I mentioned earlier before my grandfather has a tumor in his esophagus. Though, it causes it an issue, the doctor giving the diagnosis did not indicate the size of the tumor; is 6cm roughly 2.36 inches in which I did not find out till tonight. Now that would call for immediate attention.
As of now he has evasive cancer, and I simply do not know what that means. I thought as least my whole maternal side of the family knows. Apparently there has been a huge miscommunication on my grandfather's condition, and I blame their sense of communication or their attentiveness to the previous hospital stay. Though, the tumor issue I did not found out till 3 weeks ago. My family themselves did not want to do anything till after Chinese New Years, I think is all cause of bad mojo or whatever; Chinese traditionalist can be very superstitious. Regardless as such, my grandfather has been having a harder time ingesting. Which, leads to tonight's entry.
Though, I was aware of what was going on, I was not aware of the entirety of the situation. Regardless, of such I'd much rather have my head stuck in school than family at this point and time. However, I did contact the radiology doctor and they wanted to meet my doctor, as I consulted with my mother's side they thought it was best to do treatment after New Years. As it was going through my head, the doctor giving the diagnosis did not had a sense of urgency in his voice, which really did not cause me to be alarmed at first. Secondly, they wanted to consult with their primary physician whom I think is a complete quack. Which sums up to a wild goose chase, given that most of the paper work responsibility was left with my brother; which I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for this.
The last two days my grandfather wanted to be admitted, though he doesn't know how the hospital system works even after multiple explanation. They did not heed my suggestion of making appointments and they ended up waiting about 3 hours in the ER. They're still there now, I came home cause I got class at 9. Though, what troubled me was the knowledge the family had about my grandfather's condition. Apparently, bits and piece were misinterpreted and confusion grew. My cousin who was interpreting had no idea my grandfather had a tumor. In the end, I had to come in and the doctor was talking to me like an idiot for not scheduling appointments, what can I say? They wanted to do this after New Years, though I didn't know it was 6cm till he told me. If I knew I would had acted right upon hearing about it.
In summary, I dislike the medical system we have cause there was so much confusion going on between the week of Christmas and even now, in terms of his condition. My maternal side of the family lack any initiative and motivation. I'm probably half-heartedly as cold cause at this point I really don't care about this circus frenzy, I can't even think about what I'm doing at this point, let alone what I can do for people now.
-David M.
As of now he has evasive cancer, and I simply do not know what that means. I thought as least my whole maternal side of the family knows. Apparently there has been a huge miscommunication on my grandfather's condition, and I blame their sense of communication or their attentiveness to the previous hospital stay. Though, the tumor issue I did not found out till 3 weeks ago. My family themselves did not want to do anything till after Chinese New Years, I think is all cause of bad mojo or whatever; Chinese traditionalist can be very superstitious. Regardless as such, my grandfather has been having a harder time ingesting. Which, leads to tonight's entry.
Though, I was aware of what was going on, I was not aware of the entirety of the situation. Regardless, of such I'd much rather have my head stuck in school than family at this point and time. However, I did contact the radiology doctor and they wanted to meet my doctor, as I consulted with my mother's side they thought it was best to do treatment after New Years. As it was going through my head, the doctor giving the diagnosis did not had a sense of urgency in his voice, which really did not cause me to be alarmed at first. Secondly, they wanted to consult with their primary physician whom I think is a complete quack. Which sums up to a wild goose chase, given that most of the paper work responsibility was left with my brother; which I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for this.
The last two days my grandfather wanted to be admitted, though he doesn't know how the hospital system works even after multiple explanation. They did not heed my suggestion of making appointments and they ended up waiting about 3 hours in the ER. They're still there now, I came home cause I got class at 9. Though, what troubled me was the knowledge the family had about my grandfather's condition. Apparently, bits and piece were misinterpreted and confusion grew. My cousin who was interpreting had no idea my grandfather had a tumor. In the end, I had to come in and the doctor was talking to me like an idiot for not scheduling appointments, what can I say? They wanted to do this after New Years, though I didn't know it was 6cm till he told me. If I knew I would had acted right upon hearing about it.
In summary, I dislike the medical system we have cause there was so much confusion going on between the week of Christmas and even now, in terms of his condition. My maternal side of the family lack any initiative and motivation. I'm probably half-heartedly as cold cause at this point I really don't care about this circus frenzy, I can't even think about what I'm doing at this point, let alone what I can do for people now.
-David M.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I Read People Too Well, or Just the Family
I was wondering why my normally lazy brother was working so hard these last two weeks. Though, I had it was a hunch it was probably a girl; it's always a girl. I was joking with my mother throughout the week about this.
In the last two days, he was given privileges to the car because I've been busy with school and I haven't been able to do any follow-ups for my grandfather besides the late afternoon one's which are very few. Besides the fact, he's been taking the car out for let's just say "joy rides" for a lack of a better word after he's done with whatever he does, and gets home around 3 in the morning. As concern parents go, they stay up and wait for him, and calling him in increments. When he arrives home, his only excuse is a dead battery on his phone; which seems to be the problem all the time.
So, last night while I was at Joyce's I get confirmation from my friend Lisa via text that my brother is out having dinner with a girl; I realize I have a spy network when I got the text, haha.
Being single for 20 years (going on 21) maybe I'm unable to relate with my brother, but I do not think a girl constitutes parents being worry about where their son; let alone an irresponsible one at that. Also, the fact that he abuses privileges given to him, in which my parents can easily revoke due to many broken trusts he has shown my parents. In my mind, is just really immature and irresponsible of him to take trust and use it for his own "gains". Though, I'm sure the frequent readers here don't know my brother as well and is a bit unprofessional to simply tell you to take my word on this. I just can't see how one can inflict such pain on those that unconditionally care for him, for someone he barely knows at all while filling her head with false stories only for it to eventually blow over.
-David M.
In the last two days, he was given privileges to the car because I've been busy with school and I haven't been able to do any follow-ups for my grandfather besides the late afternoon one's which are very few. Besides the fact, he's been taking the car out for let's just say "joy rides" for a lack of a better word after he's done with whatever he does, and gets home around 3 in the morning. As concern parents go, they stay up and wait for him, and calling him in increments. When he arrives home, his only excuse is a dead battery on his phone; which seems to be the problem all the time.
So, last night while I was at Joyce's I get confirmation from my friend Lisa via text that my brother is out having dinner with a girl; I realize I have a spy network when I got the text, haha.
Being single for 20 years (going on 21) maybe I'm unable to relate with my brother, but I do not think a girl constitutes parents being worry about where their son; let alone an irresponsible one at that. Also, the fact that he abuses privileges given to him, in which my parents can easily revoke due to many broken trusts he has shown my parents. In my mind, is just really immature and irresponsible of him to take trust and use it for his own "gains". Though, I'm sure the frequent readers here don't know my brother as well and is a bit unprofessional to simply tell you to take my word on this. I just can't see how one can inflict such pain on those that unconditionally care for him, for someone he barely knows at all while filling her head with false stories only for it to eventually blow over.
-David M.
Last Night...
Usually, parties that involve liquor I usually find to be dry because I'm usually just sitting there being sober, and everyone is shit faced for the most part. Though, I didn't drink at all, Joyce's birthday was pretty entertaining nonetheless. From Apples to Apples, Jeff basically down for the night before the night started, and just sitting was an enjoyable atmosphere; all the way till when the RAs came knocking and everyone scattered for a hiding spot. I still can't grasp why Tito was dancing without his shirt. I think last night was enough entertainment for me in one weekend.
-David M.
-David M.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Ominous Email
Lately, this has been the greatest mystery that erks my mind. On Wednesday I receive an email from my adviser Erin. It was addressed to some EV students and 2 of the EV profs. and a Graphic Designer prof. which is also the director of the department. The contents of the email consist of...
"Hello,
You are receiving this e-mail because you are listed as an Electronic
Visualization major. If this is incorrect, please let me know.
I am requesting that you meet with myself and a few others on Friday
January 30 at noon in 2410 A + A. This shouldn't take more than an
hour, but will be important.
I hope to see you then,
Erin"
Pretty vague isn't? I can't help, but think of the worse possible scenario of, "Sorry, we're pulling the plug on the program." Though I did talk to my professor Sabrina who was CC. In the email, all she said was don't worry about it, but would not disclose the purpose of the meeting. All I was told was is a "surprise" and there will be changes to the program. This is going to be one hell of a week.
-David M.
"Hello,
You are receiving this e-mail because you are listed as an Electronic
Visualization major. If this is incorrect, please let me know.
I am requesting that you meet with myself and a few others on Friday
January 30 at noon in 2410 A + A. This shouldn't take more than an
hour, but will be important.
I hope to see you then,
Erin"
Pretty vague isn't? I can't help, but think of the worse possible scenario of, "Sorry, we're pulling the plug on the program." Though I did talk to my professor Sabrina who was CC. In the email, all she said was don't worry about it, but would not disclose the purpose of the meeting. All I was told was is a "surprise" and there will be changes to the program. This is going to be one hell of a week.
-David M.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I Don't Think I'll Ever Dream Properly Again
Is nothing strange per say, but to be blunt about it. I was in class the other day and some of my classmates mentioned the movie, Paprika. Apparently is a very good movie and might I add, it is a really good movie. So, good I decided to dig up some Satoshi Kon films. So far, I've only watched Paprika and Perfect Blue. Both movies are great stories though they are what some consider "anime" movies, think of them more as animated features because they were both based off novels, and not graphic novels either. However, it was kind of strange to see both movies dealt with dream states. One about being able to go into dreams and analyze them. While, the other was a psychological thriller and it utilized the dream states to its full advantage. However, I don't think I'll have nightmares, but definitely it brings up interesting subjects about dreams. Rest assure, I will sleep well at night (I hope you get the pun)
-David M.
-David M.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Mustache Power Level: 0
One of my projects over break was just to see how my mustache would turn out given about 5 weeks for it to grow. Let's just say, the results weren't what I expected, though I think it probably grew pretty well out of all the times I tried to grow one, which only made it 3 times. I don't know when will I attempt another go.
In case you're wondering how blog worthy is a mustache, I think there is enough history with me and a mustache that I warrant an entry. To begin, I never shaved till I was 18 (just some mental note I told myself not to till I was 18; it was a pretty stupid code to follow), anyways, so, I let my mustache grew since puberty. Though, sadly I didn't grow much at all; I think I grew more in 5 weeks than I did in like 4 years, haha. The second, time was last winter break, but that only lasted 2 weeks before I decided to pull the plug on the project. Anyways, sadly I think my facial hair only grows out to a certain length and not grow at all afterwards.
The next time I'll probably grow one is when I feel like attacking joggers at the park, since the only criticism I get from the stache is that I look like some creep that will assault random people.
-David M.
In case you're wondering how blog worthy is a mustache, I think there is enough history with me and a mustache that I warrant an entry. To begin, I never shaved till I was 18 (just some mental note I told myself not to till I was 18; it was a pretty stupid code to follow), anyways, so, I let my mustache grew since puberty. Though, sadly I didn't grow much at all; I think I grew more in 5 weeks than I did in like 4 years, haha. The second, time was last winter break, but that only lasted 2 weeks before I decided to pull the plug on the project. Anyways, sadly I think my facial hair only grows out to a certain length and not grow at all afterwards.
The next time I'll probably grow one is when I feel like attacking joggers at the park, since the only criticism I get from the stache is that I look like some creep that will assault random people.
-David M.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
It's My Birthday; Lunarly
I found out last night while eavesdropping on my parents conversation last night about Chinese New Year's dates, and my mom said tomorrow (today) is going to be Guang Doa, which is the day I was born according to the Lunar Calendar. I still don't know what kind of day is Guang Doa, I fail to inquire it every year, but it does serve a purpose I guess.
-David M.
-David M.
The Week is Over, Lets Recap
So I trudged through the first week of school, and what an exhausting (and cold) first week it was. Though, I want to have a retrospective on my classes, and what I think of them as of now.
AD307 Electronic Visualization II - The class is a continuation of last semester's course with the same professor. One of my favorite professor given that he's always positive, and fair. The class has always been interesting to me since last semester mainly due to the philosophy of the course. That being using visual elements, or, I can describe it as visual primitives and use them to interpret complex, or even the most useless complex data in a visual form; which allows the audience to interpret the same information, connect the dots without say, having to look through an entire statistic sheet per say. Definitely, looking forward to what were going to do next, heck we're already learning how to make a clock that doesn't use numbers, text, or hands to represent time.
COMM 140 Fundamentals of Media Communication - I always thought all Communication courses are speech courses that are used to improve one's own interpersonal skills; a skill I still need to work on. Though, this is a class about writing in Mass Media, meaning writing objectively, and clearly. Is almost like an English class. The reason I didn't drop this class was, DMEI is not a quitter. Secondly, I think is about time I brush up on my grammar skills again. Too many times have I've been corrected! Plus, it might prove to be a useful skill set later on.
AD309 Advanced 3D Modeling and Animation - This is a continuation of my 3D modeling class from last semester, and thank god it wasn't on the time slot 4-6:40 like last semester because I would not spend any cold winter nights waiting for a bus. As knowledgeable the professor is, she bores or the fact that last semester I had classes 11-4 straight before her class I'll be completely drained of all my learning fluids. Though, we spent the first class day other than reviewing learning about soft/rigid bodies and that was probably the funnest session I had in that class to date. I hope it'll stay that interesting. On Tuesday, we have a mouse trap due.
AD230 Painting I - One measure I always give myself is always to break away from a comfortable medium, even if I have do not have any remote skills in it at all. This class definitely seem like a challenge to me, and I'll take it head on. Though, I don't think I'm going to emerge one of the better trained fine artist, I hope to walk away with some understanding. Though, I spoke too soon, but I think I'll probably going to spend my 4-6:40 time slot in the studio. Dammit! Oh, I think the professor definitely gets lost in her conversation for quite often. We spent the first day on introductions and the syllabus, which at most usually takes an hour. Instead we spent the whole freaking day.
AH236 History of Design II - We spent the first day talking about RAMEN! On why it is the superior noodle, and the flaws of the Ramen, haha. It seems the class always start on the subject of food. The class is a continuation of last year, but through the years of 1925-present. Is the same format, but the present is so much more interesting, and I hope because it happens along the lines of 19th century to the present I have an easier time memorizing things. The overview she gave seems pretty interesting enough, though I looked at the syllabus, and we're only going to spend 3 classes on that.
All in all, I think this semester I can definitely say, "What have I gotten myself into?" Given that Painting and Grammar (it makes me sad to think that my grammar is not as good as it should) are one of the fundamental tools for me to make it past this semester. Hopefully, those things make me and not break me.
-David M.
AD307 Electronic Visualization II - The class is a continuation of last semester's course with the same professor. One of my favorite professor given that he's always positive, and fair. The class has always been interesting to me since last semester mainly due to the philosophy of the course. That being using visual elements, or, I can describe it as visual primitives and use them to interpret complex, or even the most useless complex data in a visual form; which allows the audience to interpret the same information, connect the dots without say, having to look through an entire statistic sheet per say. Definitely, looking forward to what were going to do next, heck we're already learning how to make a clock that doesn't use numbers, text, or hands to represent time.
COMM 140 Fundamentals of Media Communication - I always thought all Communication courses are speech courses that are used to improve one's own interpersonal skills; a skill I still need to work on. Though, this is a class about writing in Mass Media, meaning writing objectively, and clearly. Is almost like an English class. The reason I didn't drop this class was, DMEI is not a quitter. Secondly, I think is about time I brush up on my grammar skills again. Too many times have I've been corrected! Plus, it might prove to be a useful skill set later on.
AD309 Advanced 3D Modeling and Animation - This is a continuation of my 3D modeling class from last semester, and thank god it wasn't on the time slot 4-6:40 like last semester because I would not spend any cold winter nights waiting for a bus. As knowledgeable the professor is, she bores or the fact that last semester I had classes 11-4 straight before her class I'll be completely drained of all my learning fluids. Though, we spent the first class day other than reviewing learning about soft/rigid bodies and that was probably the funnest session I had in that class to date. I hope it'll stay that interesting. On Tuesday, we have a mouse trap due.
AD230 Painting I - One measure I always give myself is always to break away from a comfortable medium, even if I have do not have any remote skills in it at all. This class definitely seem like a challenge to me, and I'll take it head on. Though, I don't think I'm going to emerge one of the better trained fine artist, I hope to walk away with some understanding. Though, I spoke too soon, but I think I'll probably going to spend my 4-6:40 time slot in the studio. Dammit! Oh, I think the professor definitely gets lost in her conversation for quite often. We spent the first day on introductions and the syllabus, which at most usually takes an hour. Instead we spent the whole freaking day.
AH236 History of Design II - We spent the first day talking about RAMEN! On why it is the superior noodle, and the flaws of the Ramen, haha. It seems the class always start on the subject of food. The class is a continuation of last year, but through the years of 1925-present. Is the same format, but the present is so much more interesting, and I hope because it happens along the lines of 19th century to the present I have an easier time memorizing things. The overview she gave seems pretty interesting enough, though I looked at the syllabus, and we're only going to spend 3 classes on that.
All in all, I think this semester I can definitely say, "What have I gotten myself into?" Given that Painting and Grammar (it makes me sad to think that my grammar is not as good as it should) are one of the fundamental tools for me to make it past this semester. Hopefully, those things make me and not break me.
-David M.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Lunch that can Kill You
Went to Manny's today. Not that is a bad thing, the president-elect eats there. The thing is the food is so greasy and oily it can kill a horse. Though, it was probably one of the best sandwiches I had. Outside of that, I paid $31.11 for lunch today, talk about killer, right? Manny's isn't probably a place I recommend to eat at casually.
-David M.
-David M.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
January 15, 2009
Apparently, today was suppose to be the coldest day in January. I didn't find it to be THAT cold. Though, I wore 2 pairs of socks, 3 pair of pants (gym shorts, underpants (not underwear, though I wore that too, and a pair of pants), 4 shirts. Though, if I dressed as I normally did, I think it would had still been bearable. Maybe, I was lucky enough to catch the wind chills.
-David M.
-David M.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Sometimes I Wish I Was the Only One in my Life
Murphy's law state that, "When things can go wrong, it will go wrong."
I followed the saying religiously that I always have a plan B, plan C, plan D. There is nothing that I never leave unaccounted. However, sometimes things just happen, and there really isn't anything you can do about it; even if it is the dumbest shit. Though, is the dumbest shit that will get you angry over a failed plan; maybe I was just looking for a reason to explode.
However, there is no reason to justify my actions without narrating a story I guess. If you read earlier, my grandfather was in the hospital during Christmas; though it was nothing serious. Today, I was suppose to get his results from his stay in the hospitals, because hospitals like assigning people, doctors that will go on vacation the next week and make you wait 2 weeks later for the results. I scheduled an appointment at 4, however I just found out I scheduled the wrong type of appointment even though I specified I was setting an appointment for the results of his hospital stay; though this the reason I'm writing this up.
As soon as he got out the day after Christmas, so many concerns were being asked about results, even though I told them I won't know anything till the 13th; I hoped they kept this all in mind. Which leads us to today. Though, I was running really late today, though to the miscalculation of my class not ending early on the first session (a grave mistake on my part). I rush home, as fast as I could on the cta, and speed walking a slushy snow thinking the worse I could be is half an hour late, and I'm sure they're use to that. I quickly make it to my door dropped off my bag, and headed directly to the car. Funny thing was, the car WASN'T THERE!; no it was not jacked. I call my dad to see where the car was, and he said he gave the keys to my brother, saying he needs it for work; he works at fucking Joyee's in Chinatown and is less than a 20 minute walk. So, I called my brother and he doesn't answer his phone. I call my grandma telling her I can't take my grandfather for his results, and all she does was ask, what was I going to do? To answer the question, what could I do? I don't have a car to transport my grandfather anywhere there is no point. There is no point in going. My mom comes home only to see me chucking my phone into the snow; I don't know I just felt like it. Asking what was I doing..(insert explanation). As she picked up the phone, my brother calls, and I asked him why he needed the car today, and he said he needed to make a deposit, and then drive to work and all I can say was, "I'm sorry" I've heard so many apologies in my life to know which are sincere and which are not. Even, though I mentioned the 13th so many times, I guess nobody remembered actually.
Besides, there was no reason for my brother to go the bank. He went like 3 times this fucking week. If you don't have money, then save your pay. If you have money why not fucking get a time where you can put the most ample amount in just so you can put in all at once. The point is he doesn't give a shit about anyone, but himself. When he doesn't need anything from my parents he'll yell and lash out, but when he needs the keys or money, he'll act like an obedient dog. Though, he tried to make things write by getting out of work and driving my grandpa there, he still didn't get shit done. Only to have it pushed back to the 15th.
This is why sometimes I think I should just think about myself for once, there's too many people in my life to actually care anymore. I find it difficult to be actually care about a lot of things at this moment, and I'm really losing motivation to even do anything at this point; it's only the second day of school. I feel like this semester is going to be a downward spiral for me, and the only thing I can do is just bear it. Like everything else in my life. Looking back, too many people depend on me, and I really have no one in the end to depend on. In the end, the David people normally see, I think is just a facade because I write some really negative thoughts on here, and I'm usually seen as a more positive person. Though, I told many people this, though I might put on many mask, I only have one heart. I guess the literal suggestion I'm trying to get to is, though I might act differently towards certain people, I never do it in spite. I do it for their own well being; if that make sense at all.
Though, in the end there is too many people in my life I can't just set aside. Even family, as annoying, ignorant, and whatever responsibility that comes with it. It only makes me seem immature using them as an excuse for my life as well.
There is too much things I have to do for other people at the moment. I still haven't had time to buy my materials yet. Hell, tomorrow is going to snow like shit, and I need shit by Thursday. The world can just fuck me over for all I care at the moment.
I don't know if any of this jibberish makes sense...but I have other stuff to do.
-David M.
I followed the saying religiously that I always have a plan B, plan C, plan D. There is nothing that I never leave unaccounted. However, sometimes things just happen, and there really isn't anything you can do about it; even if it is the dumbest shit. Though, is the dumbest shit that will get you angry over a failed plan; maybe I was just looking for a reason to explode.
However, there is no reason to justify my actions without narrating a story I guess. If you read earlier, my grandfather was in the hospital during Christmas; though it was nothing serious. Today, I was suppose to get his results from his stay in the hospitals, because hospitals like assigning people, doctors that will go on vacation the next week and make you wait 2 weeks later for the results. I scheduled an appointment at 4, however I just found out I scheduled the wrong type of appointment even though I specified I was setting an appointment for the results of his hospital stay; though this the reason I'm writing this up.
As soon as he got out the day after Christmas, so many concerns were being asked about results, even though I told them I won't know anything till the 13th; I hoped they kept this all in mind. Which leads us to today. Though, I was running really late today, though to the miscalculation of my class not ending early on the first session (a grave mistake on my part). I rush home, as fast as I could on the cta, and speed walking a slushy snow thinking the worse I could be is half an hour late, and I'm sure they're use to that. I quickly make it to my door dropped off my bag, and headed directly to the car. Funny thing was, the car WASN'T THERE!; no it was not jacked. I call my dad to see where the car was, and he said he gave the keys to my brother, saying he needs it for work; he works at fucking Joyee's in Chinatown and is less than a 20 minute walk. So, I called my brother and he doesn't answer his phone. I call my grandma telling her I can't take my grandfather for his results, and all she does was ask, what was I going to do? To answer the question, what could I do? I don't have a car to transport my grandfather anywhere there is no point. There is no point in going. My mom comes home only to see me chucking my phone into the snow; I don't know I just felt like it. Asking what was I doing..(insert explanation). As she picked up the phone, my brother calls, and I asked him why he needed the car today, and he said he needed to make a deposit, and then drive to work and all I can say was, "I'm sorry" I've heard so many apologies in my life to know which are sincere and which are not. Even, though I mentioned the 13th so many times, I guess nobody remembered actually.
Besides, there was no reason for my brother to go the bank. He went like 3 times this fucking week. If you don't have money, then save your pay. If you have money why not fucking get a time where you can put the most ample amount in just so you can put in all at once. The point is he doesn't give a shit about anyone, but himself. When he doesn't need anything from my parents he'll yell and lash out, but when he needs the keys or money, he'll act like an obedient dog. Though, he tried to make things write by getting out of work and driving my grandpa there, he still didn't get shit done. Only to have it pushed back to the 15th.
This is why sometimes I think I should just think about myself for once, there's too many people in my life to actually care anymore. I find it difficult to be actually care about a lot of things at this moment, and I'm really losing motivation to even do anything at this point; it's only the second day of school. I feel like this semester is going to be a downward spiral for me, and the only thing I can do is just bear it. Like everything else in my life. Looking back, too many people depend on me, and I really have no one in the end to depend on. In the end, the David people normally see, I think is just a facade because I write some really negative thoughts on here, and I'm usually seen as a more positive person. Though, I told many people this, though I might put on many mask, I only have one heart. I guess the literal suggestion I'm trying to get to is, though I might act differently towards certain people, I never do it in spite. I do it for their own well being; if that make sense at all.
Though, in the end there is too many people in my life I can't just set aside. Even family, as annoying, ignorant, and whatever responsibility that comes with it. It only makes me seem immature using them as an excuse for my life as well.
There is too much things I have to do for other people at the moment. I still haven't had time to buy my materials yet. Hell, tomorrow is going to snow like shit, and I need shit by Thursday. The world can just fuck me over for all I care at the moment.
I don't know if any of this jibberish makes sense...but I have other stuff to do.
-David M.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
In the End, All I'm Left with are these Thoughts (Winter Break After Thoughts)
Anyways, winter break is coming to an end. It's both a good thing and a bad thing; like all things in life. The good thing is I can finally see people I haven't seen in a while (I guess a month can be consider a while). However, the trade off is so long free time. Though, I would trade free time for a lot of things. On to the matter, this is a post of recollection of my break.
I'll start with the more lighter tone stuff. I seem to be an easy victim of being "kidnap" as our little trip to Urbana for contact lenses quickly became a sleep over, in which I didn't intend on staying, but I wasn't the driver. Thanks to a long game of pool that didn't end till 12-ish. Resulting in a 3 hour drive back to the city 5 hours later, where I'm scrapping the quickly frosted window, so, my friend could see. Than a couple days ago a simple trip with the same people to The Sport Authority ended up being a late night hot pot dinner at Mountain View, even though I told them I had dinner ready at home anyways. Either I'm easily influenced or good company, I still haven't figured that out.
On another note I might be one step closer as to knowing why people in A+D know me, or I get along so well with a majority of the students there. Is there an aura around me; yes I know it sounds pretty conceited, but there is reason. My friend Phil who is in Switzerland at the moment decided to keep in touch through flickr, and a recent photo of me and the comment of me being a ward for bad luck, haha. So now I'm going off the fact that I'm sort of lucky charm; sadly that picture was shortly removed.
One sad thing of having a to do list is when you put a bunch of back logged stuff onto it, you'll never get much done. In the end, it'll probably just gets you down, as it did with me. So, I didn't do much out of my list, mainly the productive stuff. I hope to squeeze in the free time I have the first week of school to work on it.
Anyways, I also come to a realization over break, not a realization, but a nagging thought that I'll always be the one that can do anything in this family; not limited to just my family. Which is what annoys me because when I up and leave, who do they have to rely on, and it all falls down like a deck of cards. However, that is not my concern really because someone will take my mantle, that's what the next generation is for anyways. What concerns me is that I notice a lot of bad traits in my family, has it always been there? or am I being too critical? These flaws I've never really noticed, maybe I've never paid attention. I've always believed that as time goes on people learn to work on these traits and improve on them, to me it just seems like they're degenerating and it really troubles me. Maybe adult life isn't that clean cut as it should be. As I always believed, "The smallest adults are kids, and the biggest kids are adults." I remember my high school English teacher quoting me on that once; it sure felt good, haha.
Also, I realize I don't hangout much with a lot of mature people, mainly people I grew up with. I mean, is great hanging out with them I get my greatest laughs just by hanging around with them. Though, is great having a variety of people to hangout with both mature and immature. I think is kind of therapeutic (for lack of a better word) to be at both ends of the spectrum.
Anyways, I think that's all I have to say, and probably all you can bear to read. So I'll end it at that. I'll see you when I see you.
-David M.
I'll start with the more lighter tone stuff. I seem to be an easy victim of being "kidnap" as our little trip to Urbana for contact lenses quickly became a sleep over, in which I didn't intend on staying, but I wasn't the driver. Thanks to a long game of pool that didn't end till 12-ish. Resulting in a 3 hour drive back to the city 5 hours later, where I'm scrapping the quickly frosted window, so, my friend could see. Than a couple days ago a simple trip with the same people to The Sport Authority ended up being a late night hot pot dinner at Mountain View, even though I told them I had dinner ready at home anyways. Either I'm easily influenced or good company, I still haven't figured that out.
On another note I might be one step closer as to knowing why people in A+D know me, or I get along so well with a majority of the students there. Is there an aura around me; yes I know it sounds pretty conceited, but there is reason. My friend Phil who is in Switzerland at the moment decided to keep in touch through flickr, and a recent photo of me and the comment of me being a ward for bad luck, haha. So now I'm going off the fact that I'm sort of lucky charm; sadly that picture was shortly removed.
One sad thing of having a to do list is when you put a bunch of back logged stuff onto it, you'll never get much done. In the end, it'll probably just gets you down, as it did with me. So, I didn't do much out of my list, mainly the productive stuff. I hope to squeeze in the free time I have the first week of school to work on it.
Anyways, I also come to a realization over break, not a realization, but a nagging thought that I'll always be the one that can do anything in this family; not limited to just my family. Which is what annoys me because when I up and leave, who do they have to rely on, and it all falls down like a deck of cards. However, that is not my concern really because someone will take my mantle, that's what the next generation is for anyways. What concerns me is that I notice a lot of bad traits in my family, has it always been there? or am I being too critical? These flaws I've never really noticed, maybe I've never paid attention. I've always believed that as time goes on people learn to work on these traits and improve on them, to me it just seems like they're degenerating and it really troubles me. Maybe adult life isn't that clean cut as it should be. As I always believed, "The smallest adults are kids, and the biggest kids are adults." I remember my high school English teacher quoting me on that once; it sure felt good, haha.
Also, I realize I don't hangout much with a lot of mature people, mainly people I grew up with. I mean, is great hanging out with them I get my greatest laughs just by hanging around with them. Though, is great having a variety of people to hangout with both mature and immature. I think is kind of therapeutic (for lack of a better word) to be at both ends of the spectrum.
Anyways, I think that's all I have to say, and probably all you can bear to read. So I'll end it at that. I'll see you when I see you.
-David M.
This House Needs Fixing
Both physically and internally, but seriously the house needs a serious renovation job. Eleven years with hardly any work done on it, I think is time. I wish I had a real job, so, I can at least lobby the idea to my dad.
-David M.
-David M.
The Internet...
Out of serious boredom yesterday coupled with a lot of hours to burn. I dug the internet mainly just enjoying the beat, "Aruarian Dance". I decided to found remixes using that beat combined with another set of acapellas. Leading to such discovery of wonderful mashups. I found a certain mix of JayZ, Common, Nas, etc's acapellas with Korean hip-hops beats. Sending to look up Korean Hip-Hop scene only to find out is really underground. Anyways, I discovered a pretty awesome Korean producer/MC that goes by the name of, The Quiett.
Here is the song that caught my attention,
and here it is coupled with Nas', Purple,
Even though, I can't understand a lick of Korean I'm hoping to look up more stuff from The Quiett.
Along, with that I was curious if HYDEOUT Productions came out with a new album, since I was listening to some more Nujabes. Under that I found a producer I've never heard from called Jemapur, and I looked up some of his songs on youtube only to found one.
Pretty trippy and neat, and it goes rather well with the beat. I was very interested in why they pointed out the director in this one, so, I decided to look up Kosai Sekine, and low and behold more sheer awesomeness. I really like his directing skills, so, here are two videos I found.
I really like the video, please watch it in its entirety especially for those whoever felt out of place.
Here something more light and comical.
I wish I had this job.
All in all, the internet and given my insatiable curiosity I found some very cool things, and I hope whoever reads enjoy this as well.
-David M.
Here is the song that caught my attention,
and here it is coupled with Nas', Purple,
Even though, I can't understand a lick of Korean I'm hoping to look up more stuff from The Quiett.
Along, with that I was curious if HYDEOUT Productions came out with a new album, since I was listening to some more Nujabes. Under that I found a producer I've never heard from called Jemapur, and I looked up some of his songs on youtube only to found one.
Pretty trippy and neat, and it goes rather well with the beat. I was very interested in why they pointed out the director in this one, so, I decided to look up Kosai Sekine, and low and behold more sheer awesomeness. I really like his directing skills, so, here are two videos I found.
I really like the video, please watch it in its entirety especially for those whoever felt out of place.
Here something more light and comical.
I wish I had this job.
All in all, the internet and given my insatiable curiosity I found some very cool things, and I hope whoever reads enjoy this as well.
-David M.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Bitter Midnight (ver. 2)
So I had a minor critique about the way it was written, so, I did some small edits. Mainly switching from a third person perspective to a first person perspective.
Bitter Midnight
Sitting upon the stool; the tip of the toes touching the floor.
The tips of my fingertips pressed against the rim of the glass.
I clasp the rim as it were a hand and I twirled her lightly.
The liquids swirled gently as it were a dress. I stop the ice rest.
Holding the glass quietly, I caught her reflection; the moon.
I’ve been caught. She stares at me with jealousy, I grinned.
Knowing that I was the one that scorned her, and I un-scorned.
I lift the glass proudly and the rim touched my lips, and we kissed.
A torrent flowed down my throat; burning it. I set her aside.
In the end the affair was simply shallow, in the end it was nothing at all.
Slouching at counter barely able to collect my thoughts.
I look for another to fill her place; the background seems lively tonight.
In the end the glasses was never enough. No matter how many, or how much.
Those love songs sung on stage only seem to break my heart; ill at eased.
I finally understand the blues, and it oddly sets me as ease; as I kiss another.
Leaving the bar, alone; my only escort was the night.
Staggering as I walk, looking for a shoulder to lean on.
In drunkenness the streetlights flickered like falling stars.
The moon watches from afar; though it wasn’t a jealous gaze she placed on me.
Fumbling to find my keys, I let open the door, as I invited the night in.
Flinging myself onto the mattress I braced it with my arms; clenching tightly.
Shuffling, kicking, and rolling underneath the cold sheets; I try to warm the night.
I quietly whisper words of intimacy and secrets to the pillows; all the unsaid things.
Each moment I tried to get closer and closer, deeper and deeper into the night.
The night quickly left me exhausted; I fall asleep unknowingly.
As I woke night has left, and day has come.
Bitter Midnight
Sitting upon the stool; the tip of the toes touching the floor.
The tips of my fingertips pressed against the rim of the glass.
I clasp the rim as it were a hand and I twirled her lightly.
The liquids swirled gently as it were a dress. I stop the ice rest.
Holding the glass quietly, I caught her reflection; the moon.
I’ve been caught. She stares at me with jealousy, I grinned.
Knowing that I was the one that scorned her, and I un-scorned.
I lift the glass proudly and the rim touched my lips, and we kissed.
A torrent flowed down my throat; burning it. I set her aside.
In the end the affair was simply shallow, in the end it was nothing at all.
Slouching at counter barely able to collect my thoughts.
I look for another to fill her place; the background seems lively tonight.
In the end the glasses was never enough. No matter how many, or how much.
Those love songs sung on stage only seem to break my heart; ill at eased.
I finally understand the blues, and it oddly sets me as ease; as I kiss another.
Leaving the bar, alone; my only escort was the night.
Staggering as I walk, looking for a shoulder to lean on.
In drunkenness the streetlights flickered like falling stars.
The moon watches from afar; though it wasn’t a jealous gaze she placed on me.
Fumbling to find my keys, I let open the door, as I invited the night in.
Flinging myself onto the mattress I braced it with my arms; clenching tightly.
Shuffling, kicking, and rolling underneath the cold sheets; I try to warm the night.
I quietly whisper words of intimacy and secrets to the pillows; all the unsaid things.
Each moment I tried to get closer and closer, deeper and deeper into the night.
The night quickly left me exhausted; I fall asleep unknowingly.
As I woke night has left, and day has come.
Bitter Midnight
Bitter Midnight
Sitting upon the stool; the tip of the toes touching the floor.
The tips of his fingertips pressed against the rim of the glass.
He twirls the cup gently, as the ice dance gracefully.
Grinning softly, he catches the moon’s reflection in the glass.
As if he was caught, and scorn her with jealously and he held victory.
Proudly he lifts the glass to her and pressed the rim to lips; intimately they kissed.
The mistress’ fluids flowed down his lips; he placed the glass hard against table.
In the end the affair was simply shallow, in the end it was nothing at all.
Slouching at counter barely able to collect his thoughts, he downs the shot one after another.
The scenery slowly playing jovially as he broods; in the end the glasses was never enough.
Those love songs sung on stage only seem to break his hearts.
Now he finally understands the blues, and it oddly sets him as ease; as he kisses another in the corner.
Leaving the bar, alone; his only escort was the night.
Staggering to his left as he walked as if he was leaning on someone’s shoulder.
In his haziness the streetlights flickered like falling stars; the moon watches from afar.
Fumbling as he finds his keys, he lets the loneliness seeps into the small apartment.
Flinging himself onto the mattress he braces it with his arms.
Shuffling, kicking, and rolling around in the cold sheets.
He quietly whispers words of intimacy and secrets to the pillows.
The night quickly exhausts him; he falls asleep.
As he woke night has left, and day has come.
Sitting upon the stool; the tip of the toes touching the floor.
The tips of his fingertips pressed against the rim of the glass.
He twirls the cup gently, as the ice dance gracefully.
Grinning softly, he catches the moon’s reflection in the glass.
As if he was caught, and scorn her with jealously and he held victory.
Proudly he lifts the glass to her and pressed the rim to lips; intimately they kissed.
The mistress’ fluids flowed down his lips; he placed the glass hard against table.
In the end the affair was simply shallow, in the end it was nothing at all.
Slouching at counter barely able to collect his thoughts, he downs the shot one after another.
The scenery slowly playing jovially as he broods; in the end the glasses was never enough.
Those love songs sung on stage only seem to break his hearts.
Now he finally understands the blues, and it oddly sets him as ease; as he kisses another in the corner.
Leaving the bar, alone; his only escort was the night.
Staggering to his left as he walked as if he was leaning on someone’s shoulder.
In his haziness the streetlights flickered like falling stars; the moon watches from afar.
Fumbling as he finds his keys, he lets the loneliness seeps into the small apartment.
Flinging himself onto the mattress he braces it with his arms.
Shuffling, kicking, and rolling around in the cold sheets.
He quietly whispers words of intimacy and secrets to the pillows.
The night quickly exhausts him; he falls asleep.
As he woke night has left, and day has come.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
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