Though, I probably won't complete a majority of these. Is good to have something to look at.
1. Be more outgoing.
2. Write more stories.
3. Have something presentable to show for a demo reel.
4. Say stuff on my mind more often.
5. Be less anxious and aggravated.
6. Find an internship.
7. Fix the brake on my bike or get a new one.
8. Get a motorcycle license.
9. Finish the pile of movies I have stacking up.
10. Read more often.
11. Become more witty, and more so saracastic.
12. Make it a point to try and keep in touch with people.
13. Do things on a whim more often.
14. Take more pictures (I brought a camera for that reason alone)
15. Be more open?
16. Straight As?
17. Go on LSD (Lake Shore Drive) more often.
18. Learn to cook real food. (half way there).
19. Spend more time from the screen.
20. Find a routine I can follow everyday to stay active.
21. Get a new suit.
22. Find out the greatest mystery of me. Why people in A+D "knows", "heard of" me. Is either a good thing or a bad thing. Still no one has ever given me a solid answer.
I think that's all I can think of.
-David M.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
The Strangest Dream (No, Not the One from the Other Night)
I've been having a string of strange dreams, yesterday's was just too strange to comprehend even for my standards; though it was probably an entertaining one for lack of a better word. Though, today's was simple, humorous and the very most comprehensible.
The dream goes as follow...
I don't remember what happens leading into the end of the dream, but I was speaking about something very profound, and in the end I pointed at a phone. Next thing you know, the home phone rings, and wakes me up at 8 in the morning. Yea, not the deepest of dreams, but I think it's worth mentioning; it kind of felt almost omnipotent given the "seriousness" leading up to the ringing.
Though, I couldn't sleep at all afterwards, I went on a whim to buy ingredients to make pancakes and croquettes. I should do things on a whim more often.
-David M.
The dream goes as follow...
I don't remember what happens leading into the end of the dream, but I was speaking about something very profound, and in the end I pointed at a phone. Next thing you know, the home phone rings, and wakes me up at 8 in the morning. Yea, not the deepest of dreams, but I think it's worth mentioning; it kind of felt almost omnipotent given the "seriousness" leading up to the ringing.
Though, I couldn't sleep at all afterwards, I went on a whim to buy ingredients to make pancakes and croquettes. I should do things on a whim more often.
-David M.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Oddjobs (Other Options I've Considered)
Oddjobs
In the mood for writing a couple memes,so, the premise of this one is other jobs or alternatives you would consider in your life if you decided to drop your current pursuit. Please post your alternative occupations.
1. Rickshaw Driver
2. Detective/Private Eye (I have a knack for crime and context clues)
3. If it's anything hip-hop related my moniker would be, "-ism" (also an initial I plan to use for one of my kids.)
4. If I were to start a band the name of the group will be, Geek Speak
5. A writer (This one seems normal enough.)
6. Motivational speaker
7. A Transporter (I wonder if that is a real occupation)
8. A Butler
9. Bruce Lee impersonator
10. Some random guy you'll meet on the street spitting wisdom
In the mood for writing a couple memes,so, the premise of this one is other jobs or alternatives you would consider in your life if you decided to drop your current pursuit. Please post your alternative occupations.
1. Rickshaw Driver
2. Detective/Private Eye (I have a knack for crime and context clues)
3. If it's anything hip-hop related my moniker would be, "-ism" (also an initial I plan to use for one of my kids.)
4. If I were to start a band the name of the group will be, Geek Speak
5. A writer (This one seems normal enough.)
6. Motivational speaker
7. A Transporter (I wonder if that is a real occupation)
8. A Butler
9. Bruce Lee impersonator
10. Some random guy you'll meet on the street spitting wisdom
Ulitmate Fantasy
On the midst of reading a fellow blogger's blog, I gave it a long thought and thought it was indeed worth replicating if not totally rip-off. The context I presume is to describe one's fantasy/ideal life that we all strive to achieve, so without further Apu...
After graduation I'll try to find work in the city. Ultimately for the next two years build a solid demo reel to show employers and set off to the West coast. Though, as promising as that sounds I'll ultimately return to the city, because I love it to god darn much to leave it. I don't know how I'll meet the future Mrs. Mei (sorry, I don't know her name), but for some odd reason I think my wife will be a designer of some sort; a fashion designer to be exact (I don't know, I had that feeling since I was in eighth grade). We'll both be work-a-holics and travel all the time, and I'll always wonder how we ever married; cause of my geekish charms? We'll both be constantly traveling because of work, but never together. I'll be working on animation films, and maybe some game projects just to knock it out of my to-do list. On the side, I'll do some screen writing, and probably publish a book of my writings called, "Composition of the Bored." Gain a little silver of fame and wean my way into geek culture.
When we finally decide to have kids, one boy and one girl (hopefully this is accomplished the under two pregnancies). I'll give the kids really cool initials (like their pop's, DSM); only if the wife agrees. Though, I'm going to throw Ingrid in there some how. Shortly, after we'll move back to Chicago, and probably out into the boring suburbs because of the wife. I'll start a small advertising/design firm with some close friends from college call, "Inside the Outside Box" (ItOB) where we will dive into all sorts of commercial and personal projects. I'll probably never retire cause I love what I'm doing too much to stop.
Though, is all a fantasy...
After graduation I'll try to find work in the city. Ultimately for the next two years build a solid demo reel to show employers and set off to the West coast. Though, as promising as that sounds I'll ultimately return to the city, because I love it to god darn much to leave it. I don't know how I'll meet the future Mrs. Mei (sorry, I don't know her name), but for some odd reason I think my wife will be a designer of some sort; a fashion designer to be exact (I don't know, I had that feeling since I was in eighth grade). We'll both be work-a-holics and travel all the time, and I'll always wonder how we ever married; cause of my geekish charms? We'll both be constantly traveling because of work, but never together. I'll be working on animation films, and maybe some game projects just to knock it out of my to-do list. On the side, I'll do some screen writing, and probably publish a book of my writings called, "Composition of the Bored." Gain a little silver of fame and wean my way into geek culture.
When we finally decide to have kids, one boy and one girl (hopefully this is accomplished the under two pregnancies). I'll give the kids really cool initials (like their pop's, DSM); only if the wife agrees. Though, I'm going to throw Ingrid in there some how. Shortly, after we'll move back to Chicago, and probably out into the boring suburbs because of the wife. I'll start a small advertising/design firm with some close friends from college call, "Inside the Outside Box" (ItOB) where we will dive into all sorts of commercial and personal projects. I'll probably never retire cause I love what I'm doing too much to stop.
Though, is all a fantasy...
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Being Fatherly
This has been a running topic that has been brought up amongst various friends, and last night it was brought up again. My friend Simon for some odd reason asked, "How would you prevent your daughter from conducting lewd acts?" (smartly reworded). My answer simply being, "get a shotgun, a cowboy hat, and a Southern accent."
Though, I find our conversations on parenting to be quite funny. For instance, Simon say he'll never let her daughter grow long black hair and she'll never where a white dress as he is terrified of the typical Japanese girl ghost, and I always rebuttal I'll buy he white dresses every birthday. Yaddy, yaddy, yadda. It always provide a fun and serious quirk to how we would raise an individual in the world.
Anyways, back on topic. He said I would make an intimidating father, and that struck me with an unbearable humor, as I am strangely geekish and far from intimidating. Though, he never gave me a direct answer he just said I would be. Though, from others I always get the opposite statement out of the blue as it being, I'm very fatherly, and that I would make a great father.
I however, think I'll be the most embarrassing dad in the world. Being to my geekish nature and my strange obsession with referencing things could only spell out one thing for young children, LAME! Who knows maybe my kids will be as geekish as me and we'll get along just fine. Though, the future does hold, but I am curious as to rather what kind of parenting skills I'll have; if I were to be one.
Though, I find our conversations on parenting to be quite funny. For instance, Simon say he'll never let her daughter grow long black hair and she'll never where a white dress as he is terrified of the typical Japanese girl ghost, and I always rebuttal I'll buy he white dresses every birthday. Yaddy, yaddy, yadda. It always provide a fun and serious quirk to how we would raise an individual in the world.
Anyways, back on topic. He said I would make an intimidating father, and that struck me with an unbearable humor, as I am strangely geekish and far from intimidating. Though, he never gave me a direct answer he just said I would be. Though, from others I always get the opposite statement out of the blue as it being, I'm very fatherly, and that I would make a great father.
I however, think I'll be the most embarrassing dad in the world. Being to my geekish nature and my strange obsession with referencing things could only spell out one thing for young children, LAME! Who knows maybe my kids will be as geekish as me and we'll get along just fine. Though, the future does hold, but I am curious as to rather what kind of parenting skills I'll have; if I were to be one.
Fog/Mist and So Long Friend
As I got home from the hospital today, I met up with my friends Phil and Tony, we were planning to go grab a bite. Everyone ended up running Asian time, so, we ended up watching the Dark Knight. Also, Phil for some odd reason had an odd curfew at 8:30, which really didn't give time to eat cause it was already 8:40 when we finish the Dark Knight it was long overdo, being the fact that it was late I decided to drive them home. As I pulled out of my slippery alley I noticed how beautiful the fog/mist was and how it transform the scenery; missed my chance to take a picture of the overpass cause I was driving, as I return the fog/mist disappear.
Though, we didn't go out to a restaurant to eat, but we ended up at Phil's eating Filipino food. It was odd not eating rice with chopsticks, and tripe covered in beef blood, and some cow bone soup. It was quite the experience.
It was an interesting evening, Phil being the calm and collective person he is has an Achilles heel; his sister. We met his sister today, and she was quite funny, but could definitely hit the nail on his head, as she pulls out a gay joke about his little brother, haha. Tony and I were quite amazed, but it was quite siblingly. I always thought he would be more of a tolerant person than I would when it comes to siblings. Nonetheless we all have the person that makes us snap, don't we all?
Hopefully, I get some pictures from Phil's camera. Hopefully, he has a fun trip in Switzerland next semester, even though he said he's getting gypped financially last minute.
P.S. I hope to write something about the fog/mist; I've been playing with a few lines.
-David M.
Though, we didn't go out to a restaurant to eat, but we ended up at Phil's eating Filipino food. It was odd not eating rice with chopsticks, and tripe covered in beef blood, and some cow bone soup. It was quite the experience.
It was an interesting evening, Phil being the calm and collective person he is has an Achilles heel; his sister. We met his sister today, and she was quite funny, but could definitely hit the nail on his head, as she pulls out a gay joke about his little brother, haha. Tony and I were quite amazed, but it was quite siblingly. I always thought he would be more of a tolerant person than I would when it comes to siblings. Nonetheless we all have the person that makes us snap, don't we all?
Hopefully, I get some pictures from Phil's camera. Hopefully, he has a fun trip in Switzerland next semester, even though he said he's getting gypped financially last minute.
P.S. I hope to write something about the fog/mist; I've been playing with a few lines.
-David M.
Merry Christmas?...True Colors
While yesterday (is not tomorrow till I wake up on the date of) was Christmas and was quite the interesting Christmas it was. Though, I think I've beaten the statement over people's head enough, but we aren't a very festive family, and we normally do anything colorful or whimsical. Though, I think yesterday was definitely the strangest Christmas to date.
As my grandfather spend his Christmas in the hospital with my grandma accompanying him. A couple short visits, but I find it interesting that my mother and her sisters were the most inclined about visiting. Two of my aunts did visit him shortly, but the others did not go. Though, it was the holidays they did had the time to visit oppose to the week, while they were working. However, they were at my grandma's playing mahjong and killing time until it was time to eat. I however, decided to stay home, and just relax, though I drove my father and my uncles to the hospital and did not get back till 3. Hardly anytime to soak in the day, I decided to not attend dinner with my mother's side and just eat dinner at home. My dad however, was home too and he spend the holidays playing scratch-its from the near by gas station. He spent at least $154 on losing tickets, apparently he won $200 at work, and he won back at least $150. It was a bit horrific to see how fast you can burn through the cash and how addicting it could be. I don't know why this Christmas has the strangest events thus far, but it was just a strange day altogether.
Christmas dinner was just left overs my dad brought home from work; left over lobsters is not one thing I think one can complain about.
Anyways, I think my father pointed out to his father-in-law, that it was kind of sad that none of his daughter has paid a visit or at least sit in with him for more than a hour; maybe because they have mahjong on their mind. Though, one of my aunt's supposedly proposed to sit-in while my grandma left, but it was a very disheartening thought as an old man laid on the hospital bed, and just looking out the window, while his wife sat on the couch. I can only imagine how he would feel. Though, I think my mother's family has a strange addiction with the game of mahjong that it has became mechanical and whenever they meet the table folds out. Is strange that my dad is slowly finding an addiction with scratch and wins. I mean we all have our vices, but I find it to be quite out of control.
Anyways, my gramps is out today, after sitting in the room for another 7 hours. I've started reading, House of Leaves I can definitely see why my English teacher thought my writing style is quite familiar to the story. I find the story to be a strange piece of writing as well as I can feel my sanity slip as I read it, is almost creepy.
-David M.
As my grandfather spend his Christmas in the hospital with my grandma accompanying him. A couple short visits, but I find it interesting that my mother and her sisters were the most inclined about visiting. Two of my aunts did visit him shortly, but the others did not go. Though, it was the holidays they did had the time to visit oppose to the week, while they were working. However, they were at my grandma's playing mahjong and killing time until it was time to eat. I however, decided to stay home, and just relax, though I drove my father and my uncles to the hospital and did not get back till 3. Hardly anytime to soak in the day, I decided to not attend dinner with my mother's side and just eat dinner at home. My dad however, was home too and he spend the holidays playing scratch-its from the near by gas station. He spent at least $154 on losing tickets, apparently he won $200 at work, and he won back at least $150. It was a bit horrific to see how fast you can burn through the cash and how addicting it could be. I don't know why this Christmas has the strangest events thus far, but it was just a strange day altogether.
Christmas dinner was just left overs my dad brought home from work; left over lobsters is not one thing I think one can complain about.
Anyways, I think my father pointed out to his father-in-law, that it was kind of sad that none of his daughter has paid a visit or at least sit in with him for more than a hour; maybe because they have mahjong on their mind. Though, one of my aunt's supposedly proposed to sit-in while my grandma left, but it was a very disheartening thought as an old man laid on the hospital bed, and just looking out the window, while his wife sat on the couch. I can only imagine how he would feel. Though, I think my mother's family has a strange addiction with the game of mahjong that it has became mechanical and whenever they meet the table folds out. Is strange that my dad is slowly finding an addiction with scratch and wins. I mean we all have our vices, but I find it to be quite out of control.
Anyways, my gramps is out today, after sitting in the room for another 7 hours. I've started reading, House of Leaves I can definitely see why my English teacher thought my writing style is quite familiar to the story. I find the story to be a strange piece of writing as well as I can feel my sanity slip as I read it, is almost creepy.
-David M.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
A Winter of Discontent...I'm a Crutch
So I finally got home, after a 15 hour ordeal, that stem at the origin of the hour 2am. As I was about to fall into slumber, my mother wakes me up to tell me to call an ambulance because my grandmother called from her home telling my mother my grandfather isn't feeling well. Of course I call (though skeptical of the severity and my undying hate for the ER), I go to the ER to meet with my grandparents and it turns out my grandfather has an ongoing problem with swallowing food (quite the dilemma that it require an ambulance at 2). Regardless, of the situation we went through the cycles, it took us almost 3 hours to get from the waiting room to the treatment room; there was a schizo. that was a bit entertaining, apparently he was checking himself in, in the ER for his schizophrenia.
As, we sat and waited in the treatment room (6 hour of no action); my patience wore thin. My dislike for the ER obviously went to a new level, as I hear small talk outside of the ER. Not having been able to sleep for the last 9 hours (I'm not counting dozing off in a chair as sleep), it got extremely irritating.
Prior to this untimely situations I made plans, or, at least I had a schedule I was following, which was drop my mom and aunts at work, wake my dad up, drop my brother off to work, pick up a letter at SSB for my mentee and ship it to him all the way in Taiwan, brunch, and along the way back I'll pick up my mom and my aunts. This completely shattered it, though I did take a small break from the ER just to obtain this letter and shipped it, I still didn't had time to rest because I still had to go back to the ER. When I got back they've already did the tests for my grandfather, apparently he has a mass in the path of his throat (though if it is cancerous or not, I'll find out tomorrow). Despite, that my expectation of a diagnosis of, "oh, everything is fine." flew out the window. Though, I guess having to wait almost 12 hours to find out going to the ER wasn't pointless did make it, for a lack of a better word, "worthwhile". Though, this stir some thoughts inside of me, and for the last couple of hours I sat in my grandfather's appointed room I thought to myself, how useless everyone around really is; no, I don't mean you, I mean my family.
My sole reason for being there was just to be an interpretor because no one in the family speaks English, and no the thought of concern grandson was not running through my head. Why? Shouldn't it be the first kind of reaction to have when a member of the family is hospitalized. No...In the midst of break, my day plans have been filled with a to-do list of things my mother side of the family has requested. I have become a crutch to my mother's side of the family, that I dread every single contact from them I get because everything is a "favor". When things wrong, "get David"; I've become a crutch. I use to be ecstatic about helping them, but in the end I felt a great emptiness enveloped in me as they only saw me as someone that can fix anything, and everything regardless of my time, and my plans. I'm just a benefit, to them. I know it sounds selfish, but I'm not looking for praise; I just wonder why I can't have a normal conversation to them anymore; and I only become this harsh loner in their eyes.
Anyways, to bring it back to the topic. After being in America for 3-4 years at least 3 of them have practical English skills that can be used, and all of them had their day off today. It bothered me to think, that they are also his grandchildren, yet none of them thought, "He's been in the ER for 9 hours, maybe I can switch out with him, so, he can get some sleep." One of the reason I think I've estranged myself socially from my mother's side is because of the superficiality I saw in them, when my cousin decided to tag along to the ER I did not see a reason why she should be there. On the other hand, if my paternal grandfather was alive and in this same situation, my paternal cousins would have taken turns to look after our grandfather. This deeply troubled me than the thought of me just being another tool/asset to them; they seem to simply not care.
I know this might sound emo, but emo just got a bad rep. due to people complaining about every aspect of their lives, and yes I'm complaining, but it's also a concern. This has been a recurring thought I've been having the last couple years, and the thought is, "what will they do without me?". This doesn't apply to my extended family, but my family. Having to drop and pick up my mom at work, sure is a sonly thing to do, but I also feel like a parent dropping kids off at school; complete role reversal. I wouldn't mind just helping my family out, but I have 5+ families on my shoulders to juggle, just because of language barrier. I feel like things will fall apart as soon as I leave, but that afterthought is what kind of keeps me grounded. Sometimes I feel like I should just let things fall apart and maybe I can find beauty in that disaster and maybe they can learn to build upon themselves. Though, this has been bugging me a lot, should I go off to pursue whatever expansive goals I choose to seek, or should I limit my horizons and make sure, my family doesn't get lost without me.
Though, I think I can kiss winter break good bye, as my grandfather is admitted, and I'm the only one "available". Thus, the winter of my discontent.
I'm tired, and I'm losing tracks on what's on my mind,
-David M.
As, we sat and waited in the treatment room (6 hour of no action); my patience wore thin. My dislike for the ER obviously went to a new level, as I hear small talk outside of the ER. Not having been able to sleep for the last 9 hours (I'm not counting dozing off in a chair as sleep), it got extremely irritating.
Prior to this untimely situations I made plans, or, at least I had a schedule I was following, which was drop my mom and aunts at work, wake my dad up, drop my brother off to work, pick up a letter at SSB for my mentee and ship it to him all the way in Taiwan, brunch, and along the way back I'll pick up my mom and my aunts. This completely shattered it, though I did take a small break from the ER just to obtain this letter and shipped it, I still didn't had time to rest because I still had to go back to the ER. When I got back they've already did the tests for my grandfather, apparently he has a mass in the path of his throat (though if it is cancerous or not, I'll find out tomorrow). Despite, that my expectation of a diagnosis of, "oh, everything is fine." flew out the window. Though, I guess having to wait almost 12 hours to find out going to the ER wasn't pointless did make it, for a lack of a better word, "worthwhile". Though, this stir some thoughts inside of me, and for the last couple of hours I sat in my grandfather's appointed room I thought to myself, how useless everyone around really is; no, I don't mean you, I mean my family.
My sole reason for being there was just to be an interpretor because no one in the family speaks English, and no the thought of concern grandson was not running through my head. Why? Shouldn't it be the first kind of reaction to have when a member of the family is hospitalized. No...In the midst of break, my day plans have been filled with a to-do list of things my mother side of the family has requested. I have become a crutch to my mother's side of the family, that I dread every single contact from them I get because everything is a "favor". When things wrong, "get David"; I've become a crutch. I use to be ecstatic about helping them, but in the end I felt a great emptiness enveloped in me as they only saw me as someone that can fix anything, and everything regardless of my time, and my plans. I'm just a benefit, to them. I know it sounds selfish, but I'm not looking for praise; I just wonder why I can't have a normal conversation to them anymore; and I only become this harsh loner in their eyes.
Anyways, to bring it back to the topic. After being in America for 3-4 years at least 3 of them have practical English skills that can be used, and all of them had their day off today. It bothered me to think, that they are also his grandchildren, yet none of them thought, "He's been in the ER for 9 hours, maybe I can switch out with him, so, he can get some sleep." One of the reason I think I've estranged myself socially from my mother's side is because of the superficiality I saw in them, when my cousin decided to tag along to the ER I did not see a reason why she should be there. On the other hand, if my paternal grandfather was alive and in this same situation, my paternal cousins would have taken turns to look after our grandfather. This deeply troubled me than the thought of me just being another tool/asset to them; they seem to simply not care.
I know this might sound emo, but emo just got a bad rep. due to people complaining about every aspect of their lives, and yes I'm complaining, but it's also a concern. This has been a recurring thought I've been having the last couple years, and the thought is, "what will they do without me?". This doesn't apply to my extended family, but my family. Having to drop and pick up my mom at work, sure is a sonly thing to do, but I also feel like a parent dropping kids off at school; complete role reversal. I wouldn't mind just helping my family out, but I have 5+ families on my shoulders to juggle, just because of language barrier. I feel like things will fall apart as soon as I leave, but that afterthought is what kind of keeps me grounded. Sometimes I feel like I should just let things fall apart and maybe I can find beauty in that disaster and maybe they can learn to build upon themselves. Though, this has been bugging me a lot, should I go off to pursue whatever expansive goals I choose to seek, or should I limit my horizons and make sure, my family doesn't get lost without me.
Though, I think I can kiss winter break good bye, as my grandfather is admitted, and I'm the only one "available". Thus, the winter of my discontent.
I'm tired, and I'm losing tracks on what's on my mind,
-David M.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
12 Hours of Sleep
I've officially slept for 12 hours. Though I could have happily slept through 6. I'm happy I'm able to sleep this long given the certain ruckus for the last 2 nights.
P.S. I hate phones; sometimes I want to chuck them across the room.
-David M.
P.S. I hate phones; sometimes I want to chuck them across the room.
-David M.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Dark Knight Christopher Nolan BD Live Letdown
I was really hyped about tonight's BD Live session for the Dark Knight, but I was a bit let down to realize Christopher Nolan was going to communicate via text. I was expecting vocal commentary. It sucked too cause I was watching it on an SD television and the text was bearly readable. Hopefully the transcript will turn up sometime tomorrow because I really want to read it.
-David M.
-David M.
Cold, Heartless, Closed: Things That I'm Not
Sometimes, I feel like I play a dual persona. I don't think much people see me in the sense that I could be remotely cold or heartless. Though, I feel like there is part of me that I keep away from a lot of people, knowing that side of me can scare off a lot of people in my life. Though, am I saying this cold and heartless self of me, the real me, no it isn't.
Than why can I be so cold and heartless at times, and I only can conceive one answer, it's family. Not that I hate my family, I find that so many things they did for me I can never repay them in anyway and for that I'm grateful. My father has always been a cold person, or at least the most unexpressive person I've ever met. (I know this is going to sound like a, "daddy never played with me as kid" rant) He never acknowledged me for any little goal I accomplished, but I'll be honest I wasn't that outgoing of a kid as I am now, so, I assume a lot of things weren't warrant for phrasing. Though, I am grateful for my dad, because he really cared for my well-being in his own strange way. Though, he always seem more favorable to my little brother, it didn't really bothered me cause I think that was what fueled me as a child, and this is where I am because of that. However, I can't help, but feel a little sadden for my dad. As much effort and "love" he showed my brother, my brother grew up to be an ungrateful ingrate to my father and mother. Though, I know my father would do the same for me, I've never pushed the envelope and whatever is thrown my way, I simply learn to appreciate; appreciate the few things I still have in my life.
What sparks these thoughts? While, these are common thoughts I usually have. Though, last night, it really urked me cause my ungrateful brother decided to go to the gym at 3am in the morning, and my parents advised him not to go, as much as I want to write out the logic my brother had in the argument this entry will be a completel LOL blog. Though, he touch upon the topic my parents never did shit for him. Yet he fail to realize there is a roof over his head, food on the table, since he's working my parents still hasn't asked him to pay for rent. Not to overlook the fact my parents paid for his credit card bills two or three times, and with the promise of paying them back eventually and eventually hasn't arrived yet. Also, when a few hundred dollars that disappear out of the house once in a while. My parents are very tolerant people, I don't see any reason why they should be at this age. They've given him so much yet to him they've given him shit. I by all means do not care what happens to my brother, sometimes reality have to curb stomp you in order for you to come to your senses. As stubborn as he could be, he has no drive to go through with it. As I was trying to sleep, I did appreciate one thing my mom said about me, and that was that I had a stronger will than my brother's and is something that he'll never obtain. I'm grateful for that line because I've always thought people thought I was silly when I try to do things the hard way.
So why, do I treat my family so coldly? I'm grateful for my parents, but in this point of my life I feel like I have to take the mantle and execute my will upon them. Be the parent, and tell them to take action because if I was in my brother's shoes I would be ashamed of myself, that I only work 2 days out of the week, and the rest of my days I spend sitting at home. I feel like I have to be the ass, the force to be reckon with at home, in order to get people to listen. Being soft spoken and well manner may work with some people, but it doesn't seem to work with my family. So, is this another persona of mine, am I some two-face person that just hates my family, and secretly open my heart to outsiders? No, I believe I give everyone my true heart, though wrapped in a different type shell. Like donuts with a different outer shell, but the same type of filling.
Is always during the break, I realize how strong of a dislike I have for my brother. Though, do I just hate him out of pure sibling rivalry. No, I really want to make amends as a brother, but you know is hard, to try to be on the same level as you even if it is family if they're core beliefs are different from mines. I do not believe in lying and cheating. I do not believe materialistic things make me a better person, and I definitely do not see using people whenever it is convenient and treat the like trash the next moment. So, as of now I hate my brother, but I'm open to help him when he learns the wrongs of his way. In case you're wondering, "why don't you talk some sense into your brother?" I realize, I'm not the one that can get to him, someone else has to reach him.
A conversation I had with a friend, a couple days ago she asked me, "Are you going to look after your brother?", My obvious answer was, no, but if he does change I'll be happy to back him, as a brother. Though, as of now, "no". I already carry this guilt that I'm a terrible brother because I treat my brother like shit, is not the brotherly thing to do, but at the same time he keeps hurting my parents which is something I can't easily overlook as family. The funny thing was during the arguments with my parents he brings up the fact that he tries to be nice to me, but I'm unaccepting of his kindness. I lept straight out of bed to tell him off, "after all the shit you did to this family, it'll take more than a week or a days worth of "kindness" to right his wrongs. Though, it might be harsh, but it is a bit unforgiving of me. As I describe to him in a metaphor, "trust is like credit, you can't simply pay one payment and expect everything to be ok."
I'm perplexed. Whoever reads this, probably think I'm so emo nutjob, but I have nothing to hide. If you can find this than by all means, as a friend you just learned a little bit of me.
-David M.
Than why can I be so cold and heartless at times, and I only can conceive one answer, it's family. Not that I hate my family, I find that so many things they did for me I can never repay them in anyway and for that I'm grateful. My father has always been a cold person, or at least the most unexpressive person I've ever met. (I know this is going to sound like a, "daddy never played with me as kid" rant) He never acknowledged me for any little goal I accomplished, but I'll be honest I wasn't that outgoing of a kid as I am now, so, I assume a lot of things weren't warrant for phrasing. Though, I am grateful for my dad, because he really cared for my well-being in his own strange way. Though, he always seem more favorable to my little brother, it didn't really bothered me cause I think that was what fueled me as a child, and this is where I am because of that. However, I can't help, but feel a little sadden for my dad. As much effort and "love" he showed my brother, my brother grew up to be an ungrateful ingrate to my father and mother. Though, I know my father would do the same for me, I've never pushed the envelope and whatever is thrown my way, I simply learn to appreciate; appreciate the few things I still have in my life.
What sparks these thoughts? While, these are common thoughts I usually have. Though, last night, it really urked me cause my ungrateful brother decided to go to the gym at 3am in the morning, and my parents advised him not to go, as much as I want to write out the logic my brother had in the argument this entry will be a completel LOL blog. Though, he touch upon the topic my parents never did shit for him. Yet he fail to realize there is a roof over his head, food on the table, since he's working my parents still hasn't asked him to pay for rent. Not to overlook the fact my parents paid for his credit card bills two or three times, and with the promise of paying them back eventually and eventually hasn't arrived yet. Also, when a few hundred dollars that disappear out of the house once in a while. My parents are very tolerant people, I don't see any reason why they should be at this age. They've given him so much yet to him they've given him shit. I by all means do not care what happens to my brother, sometimes reality have to curb stomp you in order for you to come to your senses. As stubborn as he could be, he has no drive to go through with it. As I was trying to sleep, I did appreciate one thing my mom said about me, and that was that I had a stronger will than my brother's and is something that he'll never obtain. I'm grateful for that line because I've always thought people thought I was silly when I try to do things the hard way.
So why, do I treat my family so coldly? I'm grateful for my parents, but in this point of my life I feel like I have to take the mantle and execute my will upon them. Be the parent, and tell them to take action because if I was in my brother's shoes I would be ashamed of myself, that I only work 2 days out of the week, and the rest of my days I spend sitting at home. I feel like I have to be the ass, the force to be reckon with at home, in order to get people to listen. Being soft spoken and well manner may work with some people, but it doesn't seem to work with my family. So, is this another persona of mine, am I some two-face person that just hates my family, and secretly open my heart to outsiders? No, I believe I give everyone my true heart, though wrapped in a different type shell. Like donuts with a different outer shell, but the same type of filling.
Is always during the break, I realize how strong of a dislike I have for my brother. Though, do I just hate him out of pure sibling rivalry. No, I really want to make amends as a brother, but you know is hard, to try to be on the same level as you even if it is family if they're core beliefs are different from mines. I do not believe in lying and cheating. I do not believe materialistic things make me a better person, and I definitely do not see using people whenever it is convenient and treat the like trash the next moment. So, as of now I hate my brother, but I'm open to help him when he learns the wrongs of his way. In case you're wondering, "why don't you talk some sense into your brother?" I realize, I'm not the one that can get to him, someone else has to reach him.
A conversation I had with a friend, a couple days ago she asked me, "Are you going to look after your brother?", My obvious answer was, no, but if he does change I'll be happy to back him, as a brother. Though, as of now, "no". I already carry this guilt that I'm a terrible brother because I treat my brother like shit, is not the brotherly thing to do, but at the same time he keeps hurting my parents which is something I can't easily overlook as family. The funny thing was during the arguments with my parents he brings up the fact that he tries to be nice to me, but I'm unaccepting of his kindness. I lept straight out of bed to tell him off, "after all the shit you did to this family, it'll take more than a week or a days worth of "kindness" to right his wrongs. Though, it might be harsh, but it is a bit unforgiving of me. As I describe to him in a metaphor, "trust is like credit, you can't simply pay one payment and expect everything to be ok."
I'm perplexed. Whoever reads this, probably think I'm so emo nutjob, but I have nothing to hide. If you can find this than by all means, as a friend you just learned a little bit of me.
-David M.
Dystopia
A friend describe my neighborhood in one word, Dystopia. I never thought it as such, but the jutting of iron protruding from the ground, abandon or abandon-esque industrial buildings, wide alleys, and bridges really does create a sense of dysphoria (if that's even a word). Though, it's also, very beautiful as my friend also agree with. There is beauty in cold, lifeless objects. Lately, I've been staring at dead colors only to see that they're quite alive.
-David M.
-David M.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Even Demons Have a Heart
One of the great things of being on break, is actually spending quality time with my PS3. As much as I try to deny it (which I don't), even though I think I'm a jaded gamer at this point in time, I always find a small gem that catch my eye and it brings me right back in.
In case you're wondering what I've been playing, it's Disgaea 3. Though, I picked up the first game way back in my high school days solely on just an ad in a gaming magazine due to the illustration work. That was one of the best impulse buy ever. Turned out to be one of those rare gems that people talk about on the underground, and is so hard to find.
The basic premise of all 3 (expect for the second) games is that you play some teenage demon (usually some angsty teenage demon, by teenage they're usually xx,xxx years old), that is so bent on his evil ways and through out the journey our antagonist learns human quality such as, love, friendship, and most of all kindness. Though, the topics might seem childish the plot is pretty satirical as it takes a lot from anime and game culture, and it references a lot of things, which is one thing I love is references or simply by the fact I like simple, childish, and innocent stories of how the immature matures.
Anyways, a more detail plot of 3 is that it takes place inside an Academy in the Netherworld and you play as the Overlord's son, Mao. An honor roll student who is trying to find a way to defeat his father and become the strongest demon in the Netherworld, and the only way in doing, so, is by becoming a Hero. Though, the main traits of a hero comes from the heart. He contrive all these weird notations of how these traits are acquired, such as stealing the title of a Hero from a human in order to obtain the powers of a hero. Which is pretty hysterical as he steals the title from a fake hero.
The most interesting part of the story is this place called a heart vault, in which one can travel inside one's heart. One of the "rules" created in the world is, no one is allowed to enter the heart unless one allows permission for one to enter one's heart. As much of an evil student Mao believes he is, he can't figure out why so many people can enter his heart, more or less with ease. As the fake hero points out, Mao has a pretty open heart which he fails to realize. Which, lead to the vault, the vault is the deepest part of the heart where all the important things are stored, and one must open one's heart in order to easily access the contents of the heart. However, Mao fails to open his own heart mainly due to his stubbornness to open his heart. As we later realize that his childhood of being scarred and traumatized through some silly, and some more serious events in his life that the heart becomes closed.
Why, am I talking about a game on a blog that I normally scribble my thoughts onto? While, I was playing the game I had moments of realizations and was able to sympathize with the character. I too felt like Mao, where I do have an open heart, but I do find my heart unwilling to change, was I being stubborn cause I fail to realize something in front of me, and completely push it aside. Am I demon, that fails to realize that I have good heart to simplify it. Though, I'm not oblivious to my heart I find that I do keep a lot of things locked up, and I don't share stuff about myself to often, as it seems like a sense of weakness to me. Though, I'm quick to help others with their problems I do fail to realize and address some of my problems in my life; pure neglect to my own heart I guess. I wish I can dwell inside my heart and see what I can find inside it. *sigh*
-David M.
In case you're wondering what I've been playing, it's Disgaea 3. Though, I picked up the first game way back in my high school days solely on just an ad in a gaming magazine due to the illustration work. That was one of the best impulse buy ever. Turned out to be one of those rare gems that people talk about on the underground, and is so hard to find.
The basic premise of all 3 (expect for the second) games is that you play some teenage demon (usually some angsty teenage demon, by teenage they're usually xx,xxx years old), that is so bent on his evil ways and through out the journey our antagonist learns human quality such as, love, friendship, and most of all kindness. Though, the topics might seem childish the plot is pretty satirical as it takes a lot from anime and game culture, and it references a lot of things, which is one thing I love is references or simply by the fact I like simple, childish, and innocent stories of how the immature matures.
Anyways, a more detail plot of 3 is that it takes place inside an Academy in the Netherworld and you play as the Overlord's son, Mao. An honor roll student who is trying to find a way to defeat his father and become the strongest demon in the Netherworld, and the only way in doing, so, is by becoming a Hero. Though, the main traits of a hero comes from the heart. He contrive all these weird notations of how these traits are acquired, such as stealing the title of a Hero from a human in order to obtain the powers of a hero. Which is pretty hysterical as he steals the title from a fake hero.
The most interesting part of the story is this place called a heart vault, in which one can travel inside one's heart. One of the "rules" created in the world is, no one is allowed to enter the heart unless one allows permission for one to enter one's heart. As much of an evil student Mao believes he is, he can't figure out why so many people can enter his heart, more or less with ease. As the fake hero points out, Mao has a pretty open heart which he fails to realize. Which, lead to the vault, the vault is the deepest part of the heart where all the important things are stored, and one must open one's heart in order to easily access the contents of the heart. However, Mao fails to open his own heart mainly due to his stubbornness to open his heart. As we later realize that his childhood of being scarred and traumatized through some silly, and some more serious events in his life that the heart becomes closed.
Why, am I talking about a game on a blog that I normally scribble my thoughts onto? While, I was playing the game I had moments of realizations and was able to sympathize with the character. I too felt like Mao, where I do have an open heart, but I do find my heart unwilling to change, was I being stubborn cause I fail to realize something in front of me, and completely push it aside. Am I demon, that fails to realize that I have good heart to simplify it. Though, I'm not oblivious to my heart I find that I do keep a lot of things locked up, and I don't share stuff about myself to often, as it seems like a sense of weakness to me. Though, I'm quick to help others with their problems I do fail to realize and address some of my problems in my life; pure neglect to my own heart I guess. I wish I can dwell inside my heart and see what I can find inside it. *sigh*
-David M.
A Reason to Shave
It has been 10 days since I last shave. Solely on the reason, "I'm not going anywhere", "I really don't need to be presentable". Maybe I just want to look like a deadbeat over break or I'm curious on how my mustache will grow, since I haven't grown one in the last 3 years.
MUSTACHE POWER!
-David M.
MUSTACHE POWER!
-David M.
A Diffrent Me
I'll start off small chit-chat blogs as a warm up. Anyways, I think I was pretty let down by Universal Mind Control last week, though I would admit Make My Day is a guilty pleasure I listen to over the break, where I do my little dance as I make breakfast. Though Keyshia Cole's A Different Me definitely a good listen. Though, I don't think is anything in comparison with the last two, especially the album, Just Like You. Though, it is stated the album is suppose to be more upbeat than her last two; meaning no heartbreak songs. Which in all honestly I love all heartbreak songs, and I only noticed that when I read the premise of this album.
Though is not a "heartbreak" album per say, it still has the same tonality to it. The album, really does emphasize her musical talent. I don't really dislike the songs, but not a lot of them stand out as much as her previous songs, maybe it'll grow on me. I haven't really sat down to listen to the album.
-David M.
The Breakdown
Break has started, and I already see a lot of my relaxing time has been going down the drain. Maybe I should start organizing my day (no, that is anti-break material). So, I'm going to break these into smaller topics. That way I can focus on each. Oppose to my upside-downside posts. They're either going to be positive or negative; at least it will have a theme.
Let the blogging commence,
-David M.
Let the blogging commence,
-David M.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Make My Day
Went to the the Universal Mind Control CD signing with Brandon. All in all it was cool meeting him for just a short bit. I think the fact I had the guy write on the post-it to have it signed to D. Mei, allowed me to spark a short conversation with the man.
As it went somewhere along the lines of,
Common: D. Mei? (at least it sounded right and a bit off)
Me: Mei (Correct pronouncation)
Common: Cool, where you from?
Me: Chicago.
Common: What ethnicity are you?
Me: Chinese
*Finish signing and handshake*
Though, I did think I sounded a bit angry or nervous, either of which I didn't really know and didn't really care, but it was cool.
However, I found this line in the song Universal Mind Control to be rather interesting,
"Southside boy we Cadillactic Charismatic, Asiatic, I hustle for mathematics"
He has to connect Asians with math. -_-"
P.S. Though the album wasn't that great. I did enjoy, Make My Day, Change, and Inhale. Hopefully Kevin's prediction is right and the next album should be as good as Be.
-David M.
...
Don't know why this scene popped up in my head today, but it did. I guess I should watch this in its entirety over break.
-David M.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
The Semester in a Nutshell
As always, I end the semester with a note.
This was probably the most enlightening, if not worthwhile semester I had (though I think I've said that about every semester). I honestly felt there was a lot gained throughout the process of this semester. As geekish it may sound, school does have a purpose, and with the passing of a semester I feel a grew a bit more, and a semester is just another way to gauge my growth throughout my academic career, though I think socially I' more comfortable with myself.
Though, I did had my gripes that EV doesn't really have a strong focus compared the other disciplines, this semester I discover how strong of a foundation EV can be and a segway into other disciplines. Especially, in EV I being able to try to graphically interpret data, yes, I know any graph can suffice, but to be able to try and think of it through it in a graphic design standpoint it makes the class a whole lot interesting. Also, in 3D modeling I realize I really need to step up my game (I saw some really neat stuff today, though I'm not too far off). I feel like EV is not as critical or cut throat as the other disciplines or at least from stories I heard, I kind of feel cheated out of "constructive" criticism. Though, I guess is hard to judge working with new media since there isn't a foundation to it. Though, next semester I hope to definitely step beyond what I already know and improve my craft.
As hard as a semester can be it is always the people I know that makes my day, and that's what makes the day a little bit more bearable. Meeting new people, and also learning more about current friends really makes the semester all the more interesting. I'm really grateful for the people I met this year it was such a lively group. I'm glad AAMP had more active students this year, and it just made being a mentor, so, much fun and enjoyable; even though I learned many things that was better off not learned form them.
However, the greatest tool I have sharpen this semester was time management. I always like to toss responsibilities upon myself, just so my step is a bit uneven. In that process I learn to balance, and a good tool in life is balance. Once, one has obtain balance they can accomplish any task no matter how small or big the task at hand is.
Though, some things can never be accomplished in a semester, nor fully crafted in years. I've come to realize many things about my life that is beyond my controls and also things in my life I need to take control of. That thing in life is people in my life, as social as I can be in some people's eye; I can quickly become estranged and could easily step out of the frame of the picture with a second thought. Though, there are still things I feel like I need to patch up with people, at the same time I feel my confidence wanes as I attempt these things and I cower. However, I realize the reason why I become estrange from some people is because my unwillingness to keep these bridges tighten; though it should always be a group effort, sometimes it just needs one person to tie it altogether. I realize that it might be my responsibility to initiate conversation, my responsibility to just be a friend. Sometimes, I stray and is not a good thing, but I don't know why I do it. Due, to certain events just this semester I realize there is a certain need for communication and keeping in touch, though sometimes I feel time as lapse so much, that is there really a need to stitch together threads that are waning.
Though, I don't know how cohesive that is or people think I'm a social downer at the moment. So, I'll end this note on a lighter note. I hope y'all have a safe and fantastic holiday because I want to see everyone next semester.
Peace!
-D. Mei
This was probably the most enlightening, if not worthwhile semester I had (though I think I've said that about every semester). I honestly felt there was a lot gained throughout the process of this semester. As geekish it may sound, school does have a purpose, and with the passing of a semester I feel a grew a bit more, and a semester is just another way to gauge my growth throughout my academic career, though I think socially I' more comfortable with myself.
Though, I did had my gripes that EV doesn't really have a strong focus compared the other disciplines, this semester I discover how strong of a foundation EV can be and a segway into other disciplines. Especially, in EV I being able to try to graphically interpret data, yes, I know any graph can suffice, but to be able to try and think of it through it in a graphic design standpoint it makes the class a whole lot interesting. Also, in 3D modeling I realize I really need to step up my game (I saw some really neat stuff today, though I'm not too far off). I feel like EV is not as critical or cut throat as the other disciplines or at least from stories I heard, I kind of feel cheated out of "constructive" criticism. Though, I guess is hard to judge working with new media since there isn't a foundation to it. Though, next semester I hope to definitely step beyond what I already know and improve my craft.
As hard as a semester can be it is always the people I know that makes my day, and that's what makes the day a little bit more bearable. Meeting new people, and also learning more about current friends really makes the semester all the more interesting. I'm really grateful for the people I met this year it was such a lively group. I'm glad AAMP had more active students this year, and it just made being a mentor, so, much fun and enjoyable; even though I learned many things that was better off not learned form them.
However, the greatest tool I have sharpen this semester was time management. I always like to toss responsibilities upon myself, just so my step is a bit uneven. In that process I learn to balance, and a good tool in life is balance. Once, one has obtain balance they can accomplish any task no matter how small or big the task at hand is.
Though, some things can never be accomplished in a semester, nor fully crafted in years. I've come to realize many things about my life that is beyond my controls and also things in my life I need to take control of. That thing in life is people in my life, as social as I can be in some people's eye; I can quickly become estranged and could easily step out of the frame of the picture with a second thought. Though, there are still things I feel like I need to patch up with people, at the same time I feel my confidence wanes as I attempt these things and I cower. However, I realize the reason why I become estrange from some people is because my unwillingness to keep these bridges tighten; though it should always be a group effort, sometimes it just needs one person to tie it altogether. I realize that it might be my responsibility to initiate conversation, my responsibility to just be a friend. Sometimes, I stray and is not a good thing, but I don't know why I do it. Due, to certain events just this semester I realize there is a certain need for communication and keeping in touch, though sometimes I feel time as lapse so much, that is there really a need to stitch together threads that are waning.
Though, I don't know how cohesive that is or people think I'm a social downer at the moment. So, I'll end this note on a lighter note. I hope y'all have a safe and fantastic holiday because I want to see everyone next semester.
Peace!
-D. Mei
Saturday, December 6, 2008
The Internet is a small and strange place.
My friend found this pick on imageshack for some reason. I don't recall scanning this image recently, so, it might have been a while back; like back in high school old (which is 3 years ago). This image resurfaces.
Monday, December 1, 2008
It Snows; There Will Be Tears
So what greater way to start December, than for it to snow. I don't know if that was me being genuine, or sarcastic. Is good that it snowed, is good to have winter be winter; that's what it should all be about right? Anyways, the last stretch and I don't know how the week is going to end, but I'm fairly confident if I can keep this type of energy up and if not better, I'll end up being fine, just fine.
The "There Will Be Tears" on the title is not a reference to me being emo, far from it. The only good thing about listening to hip-hop and I mean good hip-hop that is, is that you can find a whole bunch of new people to listen to. Thanks to 808s and Heartbreak. I discovered Mr. Hudson, and the album, "A Tale of Two Cities" is just awesome.
-David M.
The "There Will Be Tears" on the title is not a reference to me being emo, far from it. The only good thing about listening to hip-hop and I mean good hip-hop that is, is that you can find a whole bunch of new people to listen to. Thanks to 808s and Heartbreak. I discovered Mr. Hudson, and the album, "A Tale of Two Cities" is just awesome.
-David M.
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