After roughly 3 months, my grandfather finally kicked the bucket at roughly 7:30 tonight. At this point, I really don't know what to think. All this bottled frustration, anger, and a little bit of anxiety went somewhere when I received the phone call.
However, the linger thought of antagonizing this whole situation has left a strange after taste. Am I just an ass to them throughout this whole process? At one time I confine a lot of my energy to my mother side, strangely because my father's side was more critical of me. Over the years (or even just one), I became over critically of them, and that energy went sour; maybe I still bear some ill feelings towards them. I still harbor some of these feelings, even when my grandfather was sitting in the nursing home, they still find the appetite to play mahjong; which I still consider the reason they overlooked countless diagnosis. When, I arrived at the nursing home to see him off, they tried to lighten the mood, by suggesting on buying lotto ticket. Greed, is their vice, I really can't fathom their want for money.
However, I did not expect one of my cousin to cry or at least tear; I presumed from looking at her eyes. Also, the little brat of the cousin even pulled my grandma to the side, probably to say something to comfort her. All, I did was stood there and probably looked like I was antagonizing this situation.
Well, what has happened has happened, and those that are still here need to learn from this in some way or the other. I however, feel that I haven't done much in this situation, I probably came out a worse person after this.
-David M.
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