Sometimes I Wish I Was the Only One in my Life

Murphy's law state that, "When things can go wrong, it will go wrong."

I followed the saying religiously that I always have a plan B, plan C, plan D. There is nothing that I never leave unaccounted. However, sometimes things just happen, and there really isn't anything you can do about it; even if it is the dumbest shit. Though, is the dumbest shit that will get you angry over a failed plan; maybe I was just looking for a reason to explode.

However, there is no reason to justify my actions without narrating a story I guess. If you read earlier, my grandfather was in the hospital during Christmas; though it was nothing serious. Today, I was suppose to get his results from his stay in the hospitals, because hospitals like assigning people, doctors that will go on vacation the next week and make you wait 2 weeks later for the results. I scheduled an appointment at 4, however I just found out I scheduled the wrong type of appointment even though I specified I was setting an appointment for the results of his hospital stay; though this the reason I'm writing this up.

As soon as he got out the day after Christmas, so many concerns were being asked about results, even though I told them I won't know anything till the 13th; I hoped they kept this all in mind. Which leads us to today. Though, I was running really late today, though to the miscalculation of my class not ending early on the first session (a grave mistake on my part). I rush home, as fast as I could on the cta, and speed walking a slushy snow thinking the worse I could be is half an hour late, and I'm sure they're use to that. I quickly make it to my door dropped off my bag, and headed directly to the car. Funny thing was, the car WASN'T THERE!; no it was not jacked. I call my dad to see where the car was, and he said he gave the keys to my brother, saying he needs it for work; he works at fucking Joyee's in Chinatown and is less than a 20 minute walk. So, I called my brother and he doesn't answer his phone. I call my grandma telling her I can't take my grandfather for his results, and all she does was ask, what was I going to do? To answer the question, what could I do? I don't have a car to transport my grandfather anywhere there is no point. There is no point in going. My mom comes home only to see me chucking my phone into the snow; I don't know I just felt like it. Asking what was I doing..(insert explanation). As she picked up the phone, my brother calls, and I asked him why he needed the car today, and he said he needed to make a deposit, and then drive to work and all I can say was, "I'm sorry" I've heard so many apologies in my life to know which are sincere and which are not. Even, though I mentioned the 13th so many times, I guess nobody remembered actually.

Besides, there was no reason for my brother to go the bank. He went like 3 times this fucking week. If you don't have money, then save your pay. If you have money why not fucking get a time where you can put the most ample amount in just so you can put in all at once. The point is he doesn't give a shit about anyone, but himself. When he doesn't need anything from my parents he'll yell and lash out, but when he needs the keys or money, he'll act like an obedient dog. Though, he tried to make things write by getting out of work and driving my grandpa there, he still didn't get shit done. Only to have it pushed back to the 15th.

This is why sometimes I think I should just think about myself for once, there's too many people in my life to actually care anymore. I find it difficult to be actually care about a lot of things at this moment, and I'm really losing motivation to even do anything at this point; it's only the second day of school. I feel like this semester is going to be a downward spiral for me, and the only thing I can do is just bear it. Like everything else in my life. Looking back, too many people depend on me, and I really have no one in the end to depend on. In the end, the David people normally see, I think is just a facade because I write some really negative thoughts on here, and I'm usually seen as a more positive person. Though, I told many people this, though I might put on many mask, I only have one heart. I guess the literal suggestion I'm trying to get to is, though I might act differently towards certain people, I never do it in spite. I do it for their own well being; if that make sense at all.

Though, in the end there is too many people in my life I can't just set aside. Even family, as annoying, ignorant, and whatever responsibility that comes with it. It only makes me seem immature using them as an excuse for my life as well.

There is too much things I have to do for other people at the moment. I still haven't had time to buy my materials yet. Hell, tomorrow is going to snow like shit, and I need shit by Thursday. The world can just fuck me over for all I care at the moment.

I don't know if any of this jibberish makes sense...but I have other stuff to do.

-David M.